the story of a pioneer- 第14部分

I　had　barely　strength　for　the　effort。　　If　my　week

of　work　brought　me　enough　to　buy　a　pair　of　cheap

shoes　and　feed　me　for　a　few　days　I　would；　I　decided；

continue　my　theological　course。　　If　it　did　not；　I

would　give　up　the　fight。



Never　have　I　worked　harder　or　better　than　during

those　seven　days；　when　I　put　into　the　effort　not

only　my　heart　and　soul；　but　the　last　flame　of　my

dying　vitality；　We　had　a　rousing　revivalone　of

the　good　old…time　affairs　when　the　mourners'　benches

were　constantly　filled　and　the　air　resounded　with

alleluias。　　The　excitement　and　our　success；　mildly

aided　by　the　box　of　biscuit；　sustained　me　through　the

week；　and　not　until　the　last　night　did　I　realize　how

much　of　me　had　gone　into　this　final　desperate　charge

of　mine。　　Then；　the　service　over　and　the　people

departed；　I　sank；　weak　and　trembling；　into　a　chair；

trying　to　pull　myself　together　before　hearing　my

fate　in　the　good…night　words　of　the　minister　I　had

assisted。　　When　he　came　to　me　and　began　to　com…

pliment　me　on　the　work　I　had　done；　I　could　not

rise。　　I　sat　still　and　listened　with　downcast　eyes；

afraid　to　lift　them　lest　he　read　in　them　something

of　my　need　and　panic　in　this　moment　when　my　whole

future　seemed　at　stake。



At　first　his　words　rolled　around　the　empty　church

as　if　they　were　trying　to　get　away　from　me；　but

at　last　I　began　to　catch　them。　　I　was；　it　seemed；

a　most　desirable　helper。　　It　had　been　a　privilege

and　a　pleasure　to　be　associated　with　me。　　Beyond

doubt；　I　would　go　far　in　my　career。　　He　heartily

wished　that　he　could　reward　me　adequately。　　I

deserved　fifty　dollars。



My　tired　heart　fluttered　at　this。　　Probably　my

empty　stomach　fluttered；　too；　but　in　the　next

moment　something　seemed　to　catch　my　throat　and

stop　my　breath。　　For　it　appeared　that；　notwith…

standing　the　enthusiasm　and　the　spiritual　uplift

of　the　week；　the　collections　had　been　very　disap…

pointing　and　the　expenses　unusually　heavy。　　He

could　not　give　me　fifty　dollars。　　He　could　not　give

me　anything　at　all。　　He　thanked　me　warmly　and

wished　me　good　night。



I　managed　to　answer　him　and　to　get　to　my　feet；

but　that　journey　down　the　aisle　from　my　chair　to

the　church　door　was　the　longest　journey　I　have　ever

made。　　During　it　I　felt　not　only　the　heart…sick

disappointment　of　the　moment；　but　the　cumulative

unhappiness　of　the　years　to　come。　　I　was　friend…

less；　penniless；　and　starving；　but　it　was　not　of　these

conditions　that　I　thought　then。　　The　one　over…

whelming　fact　was　that　I　had　been　weighed　and

found　wanting。　　I　was　not　worthy。



I　stumbled　along；　passing　blindly　a　woman　who

stood　on　the　street　near　the　church　entrance。　　She

stopped　me；　timidly；　and　held　out　her　hand。　　Then

suddenly　she　put　her　arms　around　me　and　wept。　

She　was　an　old　lady；　and　I　did　not　know　her；　but　it

seemed　fitting　that　she　should　cry　just　then；　as　it

would　have　seemed　fitting　to　me　if　at　that　black

moment　all　the　people　on　the　earth　had　broken　into

sudden　wailing。



‘‘Oh；　Miss　Shaw；''　she　said；　‘‘I'm　the　happiest

woman　in　the　world；　and　I　owe　my　happiness　to

you。　　To…night　you　have　converted　my　grandson。　

He's　all　I　have　left；　but　he　has　been　a　wild　boy；

and　I've　prayed　over　him　for　years。　　Hereafter　he

is　going　to　lead　a　different　life。　　He　has　just　given

me　his　promise　on　his　knees。''



Her　hand　fumbled　in　her　purse。



‘‘I　am　a　poor　woman；''　she　went　on；　‘‘but　I　have

enough；　and　I　want　to　make　you　a　little　present。　

I　know　how　hard　life　is　for　you　young　students。''



She　pressed　a　bill　into　my　fingers。　　‘‘It's　very

little；''　she　said；　humbly；　‘‘it　is　only　five　dollars。''



I　laughed；　and　in　that　exultant　moment　I　seemed

to　hear　life　laughing　with　me。　　With　the　passing

of　the　bill　from　her　hand　to　mine　existence　had

become　a　new　experience；　wonderful　and　beautiful。



‘‘It's　the　biggest　gift　I　have　ever　had；''　I　told　her。　

‘‘This　little　bill　is　big　enough　to　carry　my　future

on　its　back！''



I　had　a　good　meal　that　night；　and　I　bought　the

shoes　the　next　morning。　　Infinitely　more　sustaining

than　the　food；　however；　was　the　conviction　that

the　Lord　was　with　me　and　had　given　me　a　sign　of

His　approval。　　The　experience　was　the　turning…

point　of　my　theological　career。　　When　the　money

was　gone　I　succeeded　in　obtaining　more　work　from

time　to　timeand　though　the　grind　was　still　cruelly

hard；　I　never　again　lost　hope。　　The　theological　school

was　on　Bromfield　Street；　and　we　students　climbed

three　flights　of　stairs　to　reach　our　class…rooms。　

Through　lack　of　proper　food　I　had　become　too

weak　to　ascend　these　stairs　without　sitting　down

once　or　twice　to　rest；　and　within　a　month　after　my

experience　with　the　appreciative　grandmother　I

was　discovered　during　one　of　these　resting　periods

by　Mrs。　Barrett；　the　superintendent　of　the　Woman's

Foreign　Missionary　Society；　which　had　offices　in

our　building。　　She　stopped；　looked　me　over；　and

then　invited　me　into　her　room；　where　she　asked

me　if　I　felt　ill。　　I　assured　her　that　I　did　not。　　She

asked　a　great　many　additional　questions　and；　little

by　little；　under　the　womanly　sympathy　of　them；

my　reserve　broke　down　and　she　finally　got　at　the

truth；　which　until　that　hour　I　had　succeeded　in

concealing。　　She　let　me　leave　without　much　com…

ment；　but　the　next　day　she　again　invited　me　into

her　office　and　came　directly　to　the　purpose　of　the

interview。



‘‘Miss　Shaw；''　she　said；　‘‘I　have　been　talking　to　a

friend　of　mine　about　you；　and　she　would　like　to

make　a　bargain　with　you。　　She　thinks　you　are　work…

ing　too　hard。　　She　will　pay　you　three　dollars　and

a　half　a　week　for　the　rest　of　this　school　year　if

you　will　promise　to　give　up　your　preaching。　　She

wants　you　to　rest；　study；　and　take　care　of　your

health。''



I　asked　the　name　of　my　unknown　friend；　but

Mrs。　Barrett　said　that　was　to　remain　a　secret。　　She

had　been　given　a　check　for　seventy…eight　dollars；

and　from　this；　she　explained；　my　allowance　would

be　paid　in　weekly　instalments。　　I　took　the　money

very　gratefully；　and　a　few　years　later　I　returned

the　amount　to　the　Missionary　Society；　but　I　never

learned　the　identity　of　my　benefactor。　　Her　three

dollars　and　a　half　a　week；　added　to　the　weekly　two

dollars　I　was　allowed　for　room　rent；　at　once　solved

the　problem　of　living；　and　now　that　meal…hours

had　a　meaning　in　my　life；　my　health　improved　and

my　horizon　brightened。　　I　spent　most　of　my　evenings

in　study；　and　my　Sundays　in　the　churches　of　Phil…

lips　Brooks　and　James　Freeman　Clark；　my　favorite

ministers。　　Also；　I　joined　the　university's　praying…

band　of　students；　and　took　part　in　the　missionary…

work　among　the　women　of　the　streets。　　I　had　never

forgotten　my　early　friend　in　Lawrence；　the　beautiful

‘‘mysterious　lady''　who　had　loved　me　as　a　child；

and；　in　memory　of　her；　I　set　earnestly　about　the

effort　to　help　unfortunates　of　her　class。　　I　went

into　the　homes　of　these　women；　followed　them　to

the　streets　and　the　dance…halls；　talked　to　them；

prayed　with　them；　and　made　friends　among　them。　

Some　of　them　I　was　able　to　help；　but　many　were

beyond　help；　and　I　soon　learned　that　the　effective

work　in　that　field　is　the　work　which　is　done　for

women　before；　not　after；　they　have　fallen。



During　my　vacation　in　the　summer　of　1876　I　went

to　Cape　Cod　and　earned　my　expenses　by　substituting

in　local　pulpits。　　Here；　at　East　Dennis；　I　formed　the

friendship　which　brought　me　at　once　the　greatest

happiness　and　the　deepest　sorrow　of　that　period　of

my　life。　　My　new　friend　was　a　widow　whose　name

was　Persis　Addy；　and　she　was　also　the　daughter　of

Captain　Prince　Crowell；　then　the　most　prominent

man　in　the　Cape　Cod　communitya　bank　president；

a　railroad　director；　and　a　citizen　of　wealth；　as　wealth

was　rated　in　those　days。　　When　I　returned　to　the

theological　school　in　the　autumn　Mrs。　Addy　came

to　Boston　with　me；　and　from　that　time　until　her

death；　two　years　later；　we　lived　together。　　She　was

immensely　interested　in　my　work；　and　the　friendly

part　she　took　in　it　diverted　her　mind　from　the　be…

reavement　over　which　she　had　brooded　for　years；

while　to　me　her　coming　opened　windows　into　a　new

world。　　I　was　no　longer　lonely；　and　though　in　my

life　with　her　I　paid　my　way　to　the　extent　of　my

small　income；　she　gave　me　my　first　experience　of　an

existence　in　which　comfort　and　culture；　recreation；

and　leisurely　reading　were　cheerful　commonplaces。　

For　the　first　time　I　had　some　one　to　come　home　to；

some　one　to　confide　in；　some　one　to　talk　to；　listen

to；　and　love。　　We　read　together　and　went　to　con…

certs　together；　and　it　was　during　this　winter　that　I

attended　my　first　theatrical　performance。　　The　star

was　Mary　Anderson；　in　‘‘Pygmalion　and　Galatea；''

and　play　and　player　charmed　me　so　utterly　that　I

saw　them　every　night　that　week；　sitting　high　in　the

gallery　and　enjoying　to　the　utmost　the　unfolding　of

this　new　delight。　　It　was　so　glowing　a　pleasure　that

I　longed　to　make　some　return　to　the　giver　of　it；　but

not　until　many　years　afterward；　when　I　met　Ma…

dame　Navarro　in　London；　was　I　able　to　tell　her

what　the　experience　had　been　and　to　thank　her

for　it。



I　did　not　long　enjoy　the　glimpses　into　my　new

world；　for　soon；　and　most　tragically；　it　was　closed

to　me。　　In　the　spring　following　our　first　Boston

winter　together　Mrs。　Addy　and　I　went　to　Hingham；

Massachusetts；　where　I　had　been　appointed　tempo…

rary　pastor　of　the　Methodist　Church。　　There　Mrs。

Addy　was　taken　ill；　and　as　she　grew　steadily　worse

we　returned　to　Boston　to　live　near　the　best　availa…

ble　physicians；　who　for　months　theorized　over　her

malady　without　being　able　to　diagnose　it。　　At　last

her　father；　Captain　Crowell；　sent　to　Paris　for　Dr。

Brown…Sequard；　then　the　most　distinguished　special…

ist　of　his　day；　and　Dr。　Brown…Sequard；　when　he

arrived　and　examined　his　patient；　discovered　that

she　had　a　tumor　on　the　brain。　　She　had　had　a　great

shock　in　her　lifethe　tragic　de