be hereafter shown。 Nevertheless； my Lord Epimonus； who with much ado had been held till now； found it midsummer moon； and broke out of bedlam in this manner。
〃MY LORD ARCHON： 〃I have a singing in my head like that of a cart…wheel； my brains are upon a rotation； and some are so merry； that a man cannot speak his griefs； but if your high…shod prerogative； and those same slouching fellows your tribunes； do not take my lord strategus's and my lord orator's heads； and jolt them together under the canopy； then let me be ridiculous to all posterity。 For here is a commonwealth； to which if a man should take that of the 'prentices in their ancient administration of justice at Shrovetide； it were an aristocracy。 You have set the very rabble with truncheons in their hands； and the gentry of this nation； like cocks with scarlet gills； and the golden combs of their salaries to boot； lest they should not be thrown at。 〃Not a night can I sleep for some horrid apparition or other； one while these myrmidons are measuring silks by their quarterstaves； another stuffing their greasy pouches with my lord high treasurer's jacobuses。 For they are above 1；000 in arms to 300； which； their gowns being pulled over their ears； are but in their doublets and hose。 But what do I speak of 1；000？ There be 2；000 in every tribe； that is； 100；000 in the whole nation； not only in the posture of an army； but in a civil capacity sufficient to give us what laws they please。 Now everybody knows that the lower sort of people regard nothing but money； and you say it is the duty of a legislator to presume all men to be wicked： wherefore they must fall upon the richer； as they are an army； or； lest their minds should misgive them in such a villany； you have given them encouragement that they have a nearer way； seeing it may be done every whit as well as by the overbalancing power which they have in elections。 There is a fair which is annually kept in the centre of these territories at Kiberton； a town famous for ale； and frequented by good fellows； where there is a solemnity of the pipers and fiddlers of this nation （I know not whether Lacedaemon； where the Senate kept account of the stops of the flutes and of the fiddle…strings of that commonwealth； bad any such custom） called the bull…running； and he that catches and holds the bull； is the annual and supreme magistrate of that comitia or congregation； called king piper； without whose license it is not lawful for any of those citizens to enjoy the liberty of his calling； nor is he otherwise legitimately qualified （or civitate donatus） to lead apes or bears in any perambulation of the same。 Mine host of the Bear； in Kiberton； the father of ale； and patron of good football and cudgel players； has any time since I can remember been grand…chancellor of this order。 〃Now； say I； seeing great things arise from small beginnings； what should hinder the people； prone to their own advantage and loving money； from having intelligence conveyed to them by this same king piper and his chancellor； with their loyal subjects the minstrels and bear…wards； masters of ceremonies； to which there is great recourse in their respective perambulations； and which they will commission and instruct； with directions to all the tribes； willing and commanding them； that as they wish their own good； they choose no other into the next primum mobile but of the ablest cudgel and football players？ Which done as soon as said； your primum mobile； consisting of no other stuff； must of necessity be drawn forth into your nebulones and your galimofries； and so the silken purses of your Senate and prerogative being made of sows' ears； most of them blacksmiths； they will strike while the iron is hot； and beat your estates into hob…nails； mine host of the Bear being strategus； and king piper lord orator。 Well； my lords； it might have been otherwise expressed； but this is well enough a…conscience。 In your way； the wit of man shall not prevent this or the like inconvenience； but if this （for I have conferred with artists） be a mathematical demonstration； I could kneel to you； that ere it be too late we might return to some kind of sobriety。 〃If we empty our purses with these pomps； salaries； coaches； lackeys； and pages； what can the people say less than that we have dressed a Senate and a prerogative for nothing but to go to the park with the ladies？〃
My Lord Archon； whose meekness resembled that of Moses； vouchsafed this answer：
〃My LORDS： 〃For all this； I can see my Lord Epimonus every night in the park； and with ladies； nor do I blame this in a young man； or the respect which is and ought to be given to a sex that is one…half of the commonwealth of mankind； and without which the other would be none： but our magistrates； I doubt； may be somewhat of the oldest to perform this part with much acceptation； and； as the Italian proverb says； 'Servire e non gradire e cosa da far morire。' Wherefore we will lay no certain obligation upon them in this point； but leave them； if it please you； to their own fate or discretion。 But this （for I know my Lord Epimonus loves me； though I can never get his esteem） I will say； if he had a mistress should use him so； he would find it a sad life； or I appeal to your lordships； how I can resent it from such a friend； that he puts king piper's politics in the balance with mine。 King piper； I deny not； may teach his bears to dance； but they have the worst ear of all creatures。 Now how he should make them keep time in fifty several tribes； and that two years together； for else it will be to no purpose； may be a small matter with my lord to promise； but it seems to me of impossible performance。 First； through the nature of the bean； and； secondly； through that of the ballot； or how what he has hitherto thought so hard； is now come to be easy； but he may think that for expedition they will eat up these balls like apples。 〃However； there is so much more in their way by the constitution of this； than is to be found in that of any other commonwealth； that I am reconciled； it now appearing plainly that the points of my lord's arrows are directed at no other white than to show the excellency of our government above others； which； as he proceeds further； is yet plainer； while he makes it appear that there can be no other elected by the people but smiths：
〃'Brontesque Steropesque et nudus membra Pyracmon：'
Othoniel； Aod； Gideon； Jephtha； Samson； as in Israel； Miltiades； Aristides； Themistocles； Cimon； Pericles； as in Athens； Papyrius； Cincinnatus； Camillus； Fabius Scipio； as in Rome： smiths of the fortune of the commonwealth； not such as forged hob…nails； but thunderbolts。 Popular elections are of that kind； that all of the rest of the world is not able； either in number or glory； to equal those of these three commonwealths。 These indeed were the ablest cudgel and football players； bright arms were their cudgels； and the world was the ball that lay at their feet。 Wherefore we are not so to understand the maxim of legislators； which holds all men to be wicked； as if it related to mankind or a commonwealth； the interests whereof are the only straight lines they have whereby to reform the crooked； but as it relates to every man or party； under what color soever he or they pretend to be trusted apart； with or by the whole。 Hence then it is derived； which is made good in all experience； that the aristocracy is ravenous； and not the people。 Your highwaymen are not such as have trades； or have been brought up to industry； but such commonly whose education has pretended to that of gentlemen。 My lord is so honest； he does not know the maxims that are of absolute necessity to the arts of wickedness； for it is most certain； if there be not more purses than thieves； that the thieves themselves must be forced to turn honest； because they cannot thrive by their trade； but now if the people should turn thieves； who sees not that there would be more thieves than purses？ wherefore that a whole people should turn robbers or levellers； is as impossible in the end as in the means。
〃But that I do not think your artist which you mentioned； whether astronomer or arithmetician； can tell me how many barley…corns would reach to the sun； I could be content he were called to the account； with which I shall conclude this point： when by the way I have chid my lords the legislators； who； as if they doubted my tackling could not hold； would leave me to flag in a perpetual calm； but for my Lord Epimonus； who breathes now and then into my sails and stirs the waters。 A ship makes not her way so briskly as when she is handsomely brushed by the waves； and tumbles over those that seem to tumble against her； in which case I have perceived in the dark that light has been struck even out of the sea； as in this place； where my Lord Epimonus feigning to give us a demonstration of one thing； has given it of another； and of a better。 For the people of this nation； if they amount in each tribe to 2；000 elders and 2；000 youths upon the annual roll； holding a fifth to the whole tribe； then the whole of a tribe； not accounting women and children； must amount to 20；000； and so the whole of all the tribes； being fifty； to 1；000；000。 〃Now you have 10；000 parishes； and reckoning these one with another； each at ？；000 a year dry…rent； the rent or revenue of the nation； as it is or might be let to farm； amounts to ？0；000；000； and ？0；000；000 in revenue divided equally to 1；000；000 of men； comes but to ？0 a year to each wherewith to maintain himself； his wife and children。 But he that has a cow upon the common； and earns his shilling by the day at his labor； has twice as much already as this would come to for his share； because if the land were thus divided； there would be nobody to set him on work。 So my Lord Epimonus's footman； who costs him thrice as much as one of these could thus get； would certainly lose by his bargain。 What should we speak of those innumerable trades whereupon men live； not only better than others upon good shares of lands； but become also purchasers of greater estates？ Is not this the demonstration which my lord meant； that the revenue of industry in a nation； at least in this； is three or four…fold greater than that of the mere rent？ If the p