any one of them； for one minute。 Nevertheless； as I say； the Odd
Girl had 〃seen Eyes〃 （no other explanation could ever be drawn from
her）； before nine； and by ten o'clock had had as much vinegar
applied to her as would pickle a handsome salmon。
I leave a discerning public to judge of my feelings； when； under
these untoward circumstances； at about half…past ten o'clock Master
B。's bell began to ring in a most infuriated manner； and Turk
howled until the house resounded with his lamentations！
I hope I may never again be in a state of mind so unchristian as
the mental frame in which I lived for some weeks； respecting the
memory of Master B。 Whether his bell was rung by rats； or mice； or
bats； or wind； or what other accidental vibration； or sometimes by
one cause； sometimes another； and sometimes by collusion； I don't
know； but； certain it is； that it did ring two nights out of three；
until I conceived the happy idea of twisting Master B。's neckin
other words； breaking his bell short offand silencing that young
gentleman； as to my experience and belief； for ever。
But； by that time； the Odd Girl had developed such improving powers
of catalepsy； that she had become a shining example of that very
inconvenient disorder。 She would stiffen； like a Guy Fawkes
endowed with unreason； on the most irrelevant occasions。 I would
address the servants in a lucid manner； pointing out to them that I
had painted Master B。's room and balked the paper； and taken Master
B。's bell away and balked the ringing； and if they could suppose
that that confounded boy had lived and died； to clothe himself with
no better behavior than would most unquestionably have brought him
and the sharpest particles of a birch…broom into close acquaintance
in the present imperfect state of existence； could they also
suppose a mere poor human being； such as I was； capable by those
contemptible means of counteracting and limiting the powers of the
disembodied spirits of the dead； or of any spirits？I say I would
become emphatic and cogent； not to say rather complacent； in such
an address； when it would all go for nothing by reason of the Odd
Girl's suddenly stiffening from the toes upward； and glaring among
us like a parochial petrifaction。
Streaker； the housemaid； too； had an attribute of a most
discomfiting nature。 I am unable to say whether she was of an
usually lymphatic temperament； or what else was the matter with
her； but this young woman became a mere Distillery for the
production of the largest and most transparent tears I ever met
with。 Combined with these characteristics； was a peculiar tenacity
of hold in those specimens； so that they didn't fall； but hung upon
her face and nose。 In this condition； and mildly and deplorably
shaking her head； her silence would throw me more heavily than the
Admirable Crichton could have done in a verbal disputation for a
purse of money。 Cook； likewise； always covered me with confusion
as with a garment； by neatly winding up the session with the
protest that the Ouse was wearing her out； and by meekly repeating
her last wishes regarding her silver watch。
As to our nightly life； the contagion of suspicion and fear was
among us； and there is no such contagion under the sky。 Hooded
woman？ According to the accounts； we were in a perfect Convent of
hooded women。 Noises？ With that contagion downstairs； I myself
have sat in the dismal parlor； listening； until I have heard so
many and such strange noises； that they would have chilled my blood
if I had not warmed it by dashing out to make discoveries。 Try
this in bed； in the dead of the night： try this at your own
comfortable fire…side； in the life of the night。 You can fill any
house with noises； if you will； until you have a noise for every
nerve in your nervous system。
I repeat； the contagion of suspicion and fear was among us； and
there is no such contagion under the sky。 The women （their noses
in a chronic state of excoriation from smelling…salts） were always
primed and loaded for a swoon； and ready to go off with hair…
triggers。 The two elder detached the Odd Girl on all expeditions
that were considered doubly hazardous； and she always established
the reputation of such adventures by coming back cataleptic。 If
Cook or Streaker went overhead after dark； we knew we should
presently hear a bump on the ceiling； and this took place so
constantly； that it was as if a fighting man were engaged to go
about the house； administering a touch of his art which I believe
is called The Auctioneer； to every domestic he met with。
It was in vain to do anything。 It was in vain to be frightened；
for the moment in one's own person； by a real owl； and then to show
the owl。 It was in vain to discover； by striking an accidental
discord on the piano； that Turk always howled at particular notes
and combinations。 It was in vain to be a Rhadamanthus with the
bells； and if an unfortunate bell rang without leave； to have it
down inexorably and silence it。 It was in vain to fire up
chimneys； let torches down the well； charge furiously into
suspected rooms and recesses。 We changed servants； and it was no
better。 The new set ran away； and a third set came； and it was no
better。 At last； our comfortable housekeeping got to be so
disorganised and wretched； that I one night dejectedly said to my
sister： 〃Patty； I begin to despair of our getting people to go on
with us here； and I think we must give this up。〃
My sister； who is a woman of immense spirit； replied； 〃No； John；
don't give it up。 Don't be beaten； John。 There is another way。〃
〃And what is that？〃 said I。
〃John；〃 returned my sister； 〃if we are not to be driven out of this
house； and that for no reason whatever； that is apparent to you or
me； we must help ourselves and take the house wholly and solely
into our own hands。〃
〃But； the servants；〃 said I。
〃Have no servants；〃 said my sister； boldly。
Like most people in my grade of life； I had never thought of the
possibility of going on without those faithful obstructions。 The
notion was so new to me when suggested； that I looked very
doubtful。
〃We know they come here to be frightened and infect one another；
and we know they are frightened and do infect one another；〃 said my
sister。
〃With the exception of Bottles；〃 I observed； in a meditative tone。
（The deaf stable…man。 I kept him in my service； and still keep
him； as a phenomenon of moroseness not to be matched in England。）
〃To be sure； John；〃 assented my sister； 〃except Bottles。 And what
does that go to prove？ Bottles talks to nobody； and hears nobody
unless he is absolutely roared at； and what alarm has Bottles ever
given； or taken？ None。〃
This was perfectly true； the individual in question having retired；
every night at ten o'clock； to his bed over the coach…house； with
no other company than a pitchfork and a pail of water。 That the
pail of water would have been over me； and the pitchfork through
me； if I had put myself without announcement in Bottles's way after
that minute； I had deposited in my own mind as a fact worth
remembering。 Neither had Bottles ever taken the least notice of
any of our many uproars。 An imperturbable and speechless man； he
had sat at his supper； with Streaker present in a swoon； and the
Odd Girl marble； and had only put another potato in his cheek； or
profited by the general misery to help himself to beefsteak pie。
〃And so；〃 continued my sister； 〃I exempt Bottles。 And considering；
John； that the house is too large； and perhaps too lonely； to be
kept well in hand by Bottles； you； and me； I propose that we cast
about among our friends for a certain selected number of the most
reliable and willingform a Society here for three monthswait
upon ourselves and one anotherlive cheerfully and sociallyand
see what happens。〃
I was so charmed with my sister； that I embraced her on the spot；
and went into her plan with the greatest ardor。
We were then in the third week of November； but； we took our
measures so vigorously； and were so well seconded by the friends in
whom we confided； that there was still a week of the month
unexpired； when our party all came down together merrily； and
mustered in the haunted house。
I will mention； in this place； two small changes that I made while
my sister and I were yet alone。 It occurring to me as not
improbable that Turk howled in the house at night； partly because
he wanted to get out of it； I stationed him in his kennel outside；
but unchained； and I seriously warned the village that any man who
came in his way must not expect to leave him without a rip in his
own throat。 I then casually asked Ikey if he were a judge of a
gun？ On his saying； 〃Yes； sir； I knows a good gun when I sees
her；〃 I begged the favor of his stepping up to the house and
looking at mine。
〃SHE'S a true one； sir；〃 said Ikey； after inspecting a double…
barrelled rifle that I bought in New York a few years ago。 〃No
mistake about HER； sir。〃
〃Ikey；〃 said I； 〃don't mention it； I have seen something in this
house。〃
〃No； sir？〃 he whispered； greedily opening his eyes。 〃'Ooded lady；
sir？〃
〃Don't be frightened；〃 said I。 〃It was a figure rather like you。〃
〃Lord； sir？〃
〃Ikey！〃 said I； shaking hands with him warmly； I may say
affectionately； 〃if there is any truth in these ghost…stories； the
greatest service I can do you； is； to fire at that figure。 And I
promise you； by Heaven and earth； I will do it with this gun if I
see it again！〃
The young man thanked me； and took his leave with some little
precipitation； after declining a glass of liquor。 I imparted my
secret to him； because I had never quite forgotten his throwing his
cap at the bell； because I had； on another occasion； noticed
something very like a fur cap； lying not far from the bell； one
night when it had burst out ringing； and because I had remarked
that we were at our ghostliest whenever he came up in the evening
to comfort the servants。 Let me do Ikey no injustice。 He was
afraid of the house； and believed in its being haunted； and yet he
would play false on the haunting side； so surely as he got an
opportunity。 The Odd Girl's case was exactly similar