sketches new and old- 第40部分

DELIVERED　IN　HARTFORD；　AT　A　DINNER　TO　CORNELIUS　WALFORD；　OF　LONDON

GENTLEMEN：　I　am　glad；　indeed；　to　assist　in　welcoming　the　distinguished
guest　of　this　occasion　to　a　city　whose　fame　as　an　insurance　center　has
extended　to　all　lands；　and　given　us　the　name　of　being　a　quadruple　band　of
brothers　working　sweetly　hand　in　handthe　Colt's　Arms　Company　making　the
destruction　of　our　race　easy　and　convenient；　our　life　insurance　citizens
paying　for　the　victims　when　they　pass　away；　Mr。　Batterson　perpetuating
their　memory　with　his　stately　monuments；　and　our　fire…insurance　comrades
taking　care　of　their　hereafter。　　I　am　glad　to　assist　in　welcoming　our
guest　first；　because　he　is　an　Englishman；　and　I　owe　a　heavy　debt　of
hospitality　to　certain　of　his　fellow…countrymen；　and　secondly；　because　he
is　in　sympathy　with　insurance　and　has　been　the　means　of　making　may　other
men　cast　their　sympathies　in　the　same　direction。

Certainly　there　is　no　nobler　field　for　human　effort　than　the　insurance
line　of　businessespecially　accident　insurance。　　Ever　since　I　have　been
a　director　in　an　accident…insurance　company　I　have　felt　that　I　am　a
better　man。　　Life　has　seemed　more　precious。　　Accidents　have　assumed　a
kindlier　aspect。　　Distressing　special　providences　have　lost　half　their
horror。　　I　look　upon　a　cripple　now　with　affectionate　interestas　an
advertisement。　　I　do　not　seem　to　care　for　poetry　any　more。　　I　do　not　care
for　politicseven　agriculture　does　not　excite　me。　　But　to　me　now　there
is　a　charm　about　a　railway　collision　that　is　unspeakable。

There　is　nothing　more　beneficent　than　accident　insurance。　　I　have　seen　an
entire　family　lifted　out　of　poverty　and　into　affluence　by　the　simple　boon
of　a　broken　leg。　　I　have　had　people　come　to　me　on　crutches；　with　tears　in
their　eyes；　to　bless　this　beneficent　institution。　　In　all　my　experience
of　life；　I　have　seen　nothing　so　seraphic　as　the　look　that　comes　into　a
freshly　mutilated　man's　face　when　he　feels　in　his　vest　pocket　with　his
remaining　hand　and　finds　his　accident　ticket　all　right。　　And　I　have　seen
nothing　so　sad　as　the　look　that　came　into　another　splintered　customer's
face　when　he　found　he　couldn't　collect　on　a　wooden　leg。

I　will　remark　here；　by　way　of　advertisement；　that　that　noble　charity
which　we　have　named　the　HARTFORD　ACCIDENT　INSURANCE　COMPANY　＇The
speaker　is　a　director　of　the　company　named。＇is　an　institution　which　is
peculiarly　to　be　depended　upon。　　A　man　is　bound　to　prosper　who　gives　it
his　custom。

No　man　can　take　out　a　policy　in　it　and　not　get　crippled　before　the　year
is　out。　　Now　there　was　one　indigent　man　who　had　been　disappointed　so
often　with　other　companies　that　he　had　grown　disheartened；　his　appetite
left　him；　he　ceased　to　smile　life　was　but　a　weariness。　　Three　weeks　ago
I　got　him　to　insure　with　us；　and　now　he　is　the　brightest；　happiest　spirit
in　this　land　has　a　good　steady　income　and　a　stylish　suit　of　new　bandages
every　day；　and　travels　around　on　a　shutter。

I　will　say；　in　conclusion；　that　my　share　of　the　welcome　to　our　guest　is
none　the　less　hearty　because　I　talk　so　much　nonsense；　and　I　know　that　I
can　say　the　same　for　the　rest　of　the　speakers。






JOHN　CHINAMAN　IN　NEW　YORK

As　I　passed　along　by　one　of　those　monster　American　tea　stores　in　New
York；　I　found　a　Chinaman　sitting　before　it　acting　in　the　capacity　of　a
sign。　　Everybody　that　passed　by　gave　him　a　steady　stare　as　long　as　their
heads　would　twist　over　their　shoulders　without　dislocating　their　necks；
and　a　group　had　stopped　to　stare　deliberately。

Is　it　not　a　shame　that　we；　who　prate　so　much　about　civilization　and
humanity；　are　content　to　degrade　a　fellow…being　to　such　an　office　as
this？　　Is　it　not　time　for　reflection　when　we　find　ourselves　willing　to
see　in　such　a　being　matter　for　frivolous　curiosity　instead　of　regret　and
grave　reflection？　　Here　was　a　poor　creature　whom　hard　fortune　had　exiled
from　his　natural　home　beyond　the　seas；　and　whose　troubles　ought　to　have
touched　these　idle　strangers　that　thronged　about　him；　but　did　it？
Apparently　not。　　Men　calling　themselves　the　superior　race；　the　race　of
culture　and　of　gentle　blood；　scanned　his　quaint　Chinese　hat；　with　peaked
roof　and　ball　on　top；　and　his　long　queue　dangling　down　his　back；　his
short　silken　blouse；　curiously　frogged　and　figured　（and；　like　the　rest　of
his　raiment；　rusty；　dilapidated；　and　awkwardly　put　on）；　his　blue　cotton；
tight…legged　pants；　tied　close　around　the　ankles；　and　his　clumsy　blunt…
toed　shoes　with　thick　cork　soles；　and　having　so　scanned　him　from　head　to
foot；　cracked　some　unseemly　joke　about　his　outlandish　attire　or　his
melancholy　face；　and　passed　on。　　In　my　heart　I　pitied　the　friendless
Mongol。　　I　wondered　what　was　passing　behind　his　sad　face；　and　what
distant　scene　his　vacant　eye　was　dreaming　of。　　Were　his　thoughts　with　his
heart；　ten　thousand　miles　away；　beyond　the　billowy　wastes　of　the　Pacific？
among　the　ricefields　and　the　plumy　palms　of　China？　under　the　shadows　of
remembered　mountain　peaks；　or　in　groves　of　bloomy　shrubs　and　strange
forest　trees　unknown　to　climes　like　ours？　　And　now　and　then；　rippling
among　his　visions　and　his　dreams；　did　he　hear　familiar　laughter　and　half…
forgotten　voices；　and　did　he　catch　fitful　glimpses　of　the　friendly　faces
of　a　bygone　time？　　A　cruel　fate　it　is；　I　said；　that　is　befallen　this
bronzed　wanderer。　　In　order　that　the　group　of　idlers　might　be　touched　at
least　by　the　words　of　the　poor　fellow；　since　the　appeal　of　his　pauper
dress　and　his　dreary　exile　was　lost　upon　them；　I　touched　him　on　the
shoulder　and　said：

〃Cheer　updon't　be　downhearted。　　It　is　not　America　that　treats　you　in
this　way；　it　is　merely　one　citizen；　whose　greed　of　gain　has　eaten　the
humanity　out　of　his　heart。　　America　has　a　broader　hospitality　for　the
exiled　and　oppressed。　　America　and　Americans　are　always　ready　to　help　the
unfortunate。　　Money　shall　be　raisedyou　shall　go　back　to　China　you　shall
see　your　friends　again。　　What　wages　do　they　pay　you　here？〃

〃Divil　a　cint　but　four　dollars　a　week　and　find　meself；　but　it's　aisy；
barrin'　the　troublesome　furrin　clothes　that's　so　expinsive。〃

The　exile　remains　at　his　post。　　The　New　York　tea　merchants　who　need
picturesque　signs　are　not　likely　to　run　out　of　Chinamen。






HOW　I　EDITED　AN　AGRICULTURAL　PAPER　＇Written　abort　1870。＇

I　did　not　take　temporary　editorship　of　an　agricultural　paper　without
misgivings。　　Neither　would　a　landsman　take　command　of　a　ship　without
misgivings。　　But　I　was　in　circumstances　that　made　the　salary　an　object。
The　regular　editor　of　the　paper　was　going　off　for　a　holiday；　and　I
accepted　the　terms　he　offered；　and　took　his　place。

The　sensation　of　being　at　work　again　was　luxurious；　and　I　wrought　all　the
week　with　unflagging　pleasure。　　We　went　to　press；　and　I　waited　a　day　with
some　solicitude　to　see　whether　my　effort　was　going　to　attract　any　notice。
As　I　left　the　office；　toward　sundown；　a　group　of　men　and　boys　at　the　foot
of　the　stairs　dispersed　with　one　impulse；　and　gave　me　passageway；　and　I
heard　one　or　two　of　them　say：　〃That's　him！〃　　I　was　naturally　pleased　by
this　incident。　　The　next　morning　I　found　a　similar　group　at　the　foot　of
the　stairs；　and　scattering　couples　and　individuals　standing　here　and
there　in　the　street　and　over　the　way；　watching　me　with　interest。　　The
group　separated　and　fell　back　as　I　approached；　and　I　heard　a　man　say；
〃Look　at　his　eye！〃　　I　pretended　not　to　observe　the　notice　I　was
attracting；　but　secretly　I　was　pleased　with　it；　and　was　purposing　to
write　an　account　of　it　to　my　aunt。　　I　went　up　the　short　flight　of　stairs；
and　heard　cheery　voices　and　a　ringing　laugh　as　I　drew　near　the　door；
which　I　opened；　and　caught　a　glimpse　of　two　young　rural…looking　men；
whose　faces　blanched　and　lengthened　when　they　saw　me；　and　then　they　both
plunged　through　the　window　with　a　great　crash。　　I　was　surprised。

In　about　half　an　hour　an　old　gentleman；　with　a　flowing　beard　and　a　fine
but　rather　austere　face；　entered；　and　sat　down　at　my　invitation。　　He
seemed　to　have　something　on　his　mind。　　He　took　off　his　hat　and　set　it　on
the　floor；　and　got　out　of　it　a　red　silk　handkerchief　and　a　copy　of　our
paper。

He　put　the　paper　on　his　lap；　and　while　he　polished　his　spectacles　with
his　handkerchief　he　said；　〃Are　you　the　new　editor？〃

I　said　I　was。

〃Have　you　ever　edited　an　agricultural　paper　before？〃

〃No；〃　I　said；　〃this　is　my　first　attempt。〃

〃Very　likely。　　Have　you　had　any　experience　in　agriculture　practically？〃

〃No；　I　believe　I　have　not。〃

〃Some　instinct　told　me　so；〃　said　the　old　gentleman；　putting　on　his
spectacles；　and　looking　over　them　at　me　with　asperity；　while　he　folded
his　paper　into　a　convenient　shape。　　〃I　wish　to　read　you　what　must　have
made　me　have　that　instinct。　　It　was　this　editorial。　　Listen；　and　see　if
it　was　you　that　wrote　it：

　　　　　〃'Turnips　should　never　be　pulled；　it　injures　them。　　It　is　much
　　　　　better　to　send　a　boy　up　and　let　him　shake　the　tree。'

〃Now；　what　do　you　think　of　that？　　for　I　really　suppose　you　wrote　it？〃

〃Think　of　it？　　Why；　I　think　it　is　good。　　I　think　it　is　sense。　　I　have　no
doubt　that　every　year　millions　and　millions　of　bushels　of　turnips　are
spoiled　in　this　township　alone　by　being　pulled　in　a　half…ripe　condition；
when；　if　they　had　sent　a　boy　up　to　shake　the　tree〃

〃Shake　your　grandmother！　　Turnips　don't　grow　on　trees！〃

〃Oh；　they　don't；　don't　they？　　Well；　who　said　they　did？　　The　language　was
intended　to　be　figurative；　wholly　figurative。　　Anybody　that　knows
anything　will　know　that　I　meant　that　the　boy　should　shake　the　vine。〃

Then　this　old　person　got　up　and　tore　his　paper　all　into　small　shreds；　and
stamped　on　them；　and　broke　several　things　with　his　cane；　and　said　I　did
not　know　as　much　as　a　cow；　and　then　wentout　and　banged　the　door　after
him；　and；　in　short；　acted　in　such　a　way　that　I　fancied　he　was　displeased
about　something。　　But　not　knowing　what　the　trouble　was；　I　could　not　be
any　help　to　him。

Pretty　soon　after　this　a　long；　cadaverous　creature；　with　lanky　locks
hanging　down　to　his　shoulders；　and　a　week's　stubble　bristling　from　the
hills　and　valleys　of　his　face；　darted　within　the　door；　and　halted；
motionless；　with　finger　on　lip；　and　head　and　body　bent　in　listening
attitude。　　No　sound　was　heard。

Still　he　listened。