ye forelegs with fingers of a curious slimness and a length much more
prodigious than a frog's； armed also with broad talons for scratching in
ye earth for its food。 It had a sort of feathers upon its head such as
hath a rat； but longer； and a beak suitable for seeking its food by ye
smell thereof。 When it was stirred with happiness； it leaked water from
its eyes； and when it suffered or was sad； it manifested it with a
horrible hellish cackling clamor that was exceeding dreadful to hear and
made one long that it might rend itself and perish； and so end its
troubles。 Two Mans being together； they uttered noises at each other
like this： 〃Haw…haw…hawdam good； dam good；〃 together with other sounds
of more or less likeness to these； wherefore ye poets conceived that they
talked； but poets be always ready to catch at any frantic folly； God he
knows。 Sometimes this creature goeth about with a long stick ye which it
putteth to its face and bloweth fire and smoke through ye same with a
sudden and most damnable bruit and noise that doth fright its prey to
death； and so seizeth it in its talons and walketh away to its habitat；
consumed with a most fierce and devilish joy。'
〃Now was the description set forth by our ancestors wonderfully indorsed
and confirmed by the fossils before us； as shall be seen。 The specimen
marked 'Captain Kidd' was examined in detail。 Upon its head and part of
its face was a sort of fur like that upon the tail of a horse。 With
great labor its loose skin was removed； whereupon its body was discovered
to be of a polished white texture； thoroughly petrified。 The straw it
had eaten； so many ages gone by； was still in its body； undigestedand
even in its legs。
〃Surrounding these fossils were objects that would mean nothing to the
ignorant； but to the eye of science they were a revelation。 They laid
bare the secrets of dead ages。 These musty Memorials told us when Man
lived； and what were his habits。 For here； side by side with Man； were
the evidences that he had lived in the earliest ages of creation； the
companion of the other low orders of life that belonged to that forgotten
time。 Here was the fossil nautilus that sailed the primeval seas； here
was the skeleton of the mastodon； the ichthyosaurus； the cave…bear； the
prodigious elk。 Here； also； were the charred bones of some of these
extinct animals and of the young of Man's own species； split lengthwise；
showing that to his taste the marrow was a toothsome luxury。 It was
plain that Man had robbed those bones of their contents； since no tooth…
mark of any beast was upon them albeit the Tumble…Bug intruded the remark
that 'no beast could mark a bone with its teeth； anyway。' Here were
proofs that Man had vague； groveling notions of art； for this fact was
conveyed by certain things marked with the untranslatable words； 'FLINT
HATCHETS； KNIVES； ARROWHEADS； AND BONE ORNAMENTS OF PRIMEVAL MAN。'
Some of these seemed to be rude weapons chipped out of flint； and in a
secret place was found some more in process of construction； with this
untranslatable legend； on a thin； flimsy material； lying by：
〃'Jones； if you don't want to be discharged from the Musseum； make
the next primeaveal weppons more carefulyou couldn't even fool one
of these sleepy old syentific grannys from the Coledge with the last
ones。 And mind you the animles you carved on some of the Bone
Ornaments is a blame sight too good for any primeaveal man that was
ever fooled。Varnum； Manager。'
〃Back of the burial place was a mass of ashes； showing that Man always
had a feast at a funeralelse why the ashes in such a place； and
showing； also； that he believed in God and the immortality of the soil
else why these solemn ceremonies？
〃To； sum up。 We believe that Man had a written language。 We know that
he indeed existed at one time； and is not a myth； also； that he was the
companion of the cave…bear； the mastodon； and other extinct species； that
he cooked and ate them and likewise the young of his own kind； also； that
he bore rude weapons； and knew something of art； that he imagined he had
a soul； and pleased himself with the fancy that it was immortal。 But let
us not laugh； there may be creatures in existence to whom we and our
vanities and profundities may seem as ludicrous。〃
END OF PART SECOND
SOME LEARNED FABLES FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
PART THIRD
Near the margin of the great river the scientists presently found a huge；
shapely stone； with this inscription：
〃In 1847； in the spring； the river overflowed its banks and covered
the whole township。 The depth was from two to six feet。 More than
900 head of cattle were lost； and many homes destroyed。 The Mayor
ordered this memorial to be erected to perpetuate the event。 God
spare us the repetition of it！〃
With infinite trouble； Professor Woodlouse succeeded in making a
translation of this inscription； which was sent home； and straightway an
enormous excitement was created about it。 It confirmed； in a remarkable
way； certain treasured traditions of the ancients。 The translation was
slightly marred by one or two untranslatable words； but these did not
impair the general clearness of the meaning。 It is here presented：
〃One thousand eight hundred and forty…seven years ago； the （fires？）
descended and consumed the whole city。 Only some nine hundred souls
were saved； all others destroyed。 The （king？） commanded this stone
to be set up to 。 。 。 （untranslatable） 。 。 。 prevent the
repetition of it。〃
This was the first successful and satisfactory translation that had been
made of the mysterious character let behind him by extinct man； and it
gave Professor Woodlouse such reputation that at once every seat of
learning in his native land conferred a degree of the most illustrious
grade upon him； and it was believed that if he had been a soldier and had
turned his splendid talents to the extermination of a remote tribe of
reptiles； the king would have ennobled him and made him rich。 And this；
too； was the origin of that school of scientists called Manologists；
whose specialty is the deciphering of the ancient records of the extinct
bird termed Man。 ＇For it is now decided that Man was a bird and not a
reptile。＇ But Professor Woodlouse began and remained chief of these； for
it was granted that no translations were ever so free from error as his。
Others made mistakes he seemed incapable of it。 Many a memorial of the
lost race was afterward found； but none ever attained to the renown and
veneration achieved by the 〃Mayoritish Stone〃it being so called from the
word 〃Mayor〃 in it； which； being translated 〃King；〃 〃Mayoritish Stone〃
was but another way of saying 〃King Stone。〃
Another time the expedition made a great 〃find。〃 It was a vast round
flattish mass； ten frog…spans in diameter and five or six high。
Professor Snail put on his spectacles and examined it all around； and
then climbed up and inspected the top。 He said：
〃The result of my perlustration and perscontation of this isoperimetrical
protuberance is a belief at it is one of those rare and wonderful
creation left by the Mound Builders。 The fact that this one is
lamellibranchiate in its formation； simply adds to its interest as being
possibly of a different kind from any we read of in the records of
science； but yet in no manner marring its authenticity。 Let the
megalophonous grasshopper sound a blast and summon hither the perfunctory
and circumforaneous Tumble…Bug； to the end that excavations may be made
and learning gather new treasures。〃
Not a Tumble…Bug could be found on duty； so the Mound was excavated by a
working party of Ants。 Nothing was discovered。 This would have been a
great disappointment； had not the venerable Longlegs explained the
matter。 He said：
〃It is now plain to me that the mysterious and forgotten race of Mound
Builders did not always erect these edifices as mausoleums； else in this
case； as in all previous cases； their skeletons would be found here；
along with the rude implements which the creatures used in life。 Is not
this manifest？〃
〃True！ true！〃 from everybody。
〃Then we have made a discovery of peculiar value here； a discovery which
greatly extends our knowledge of this creature in place of diminishing
it； a discovery which will add luster to the achievements of this
expedition and win for us the commendations of scholars everywhere。
For the absence of the customary relics here means nothing less than
this： The Mound Builder； instead of being the ignorant； savage reptile we
have been taught to consider him； was a creature of cultivation and high
intelligence； capable of not only appreciating worthy achievements of the
great and noble of his species； but of commemorating them！ Fellow…
scholars； this stately Mound is not a sepulcher； it is a monument！〃
A profound impression was produced by this。
But it was interrupted by rude and derisive laughterand the Tumble…Bug
appeared。
〃A monument！〃 quoth he。 〃A monument setup by a Mound Builder！ Aye； so
it is！ So it is； indeed； to the shrewd keen eye of science； but to an；
ignorant poor devil who has never seen a college； it is not a Monument；
strictly speaking； but is yet a most rich and noble property； and with
your worship's good permission I will proceed to manufacture it into
spheres of exceedings grace and〃
The Tumble…Bug was driven away with stripes； and the draftsmen of the
expedition were set to making views of the Monument from different
standpoints； while Professor Woodlouse； in a frenzy of scientific zeal；
traveled all over it and all around it hoping to find an inscription。
But if there had ever been one； it had decayed or been removed by some
vandal as a relic。
The views having been completed； it was now considered safe to load the
precious Monument itself upon the backs of four of the largest Tortoises
and send it home to the king's museum； which was done； and when it
arrived it was received with enormous Mat and escorted to its future
abiding…place by thousands of enthusiastic citizens； King Bullfrog XVI。
himself attending and condescendin