fourteen legs； and a snout； and said it ate grass； cattle； pebbles； and
dirt with equal enthusiasm。 This animal was regarded as a very precious
addition to science。 It was hoped a dead one might be found to stuff。
Professor Woodlouse thought that he and his brother scholars； by lying
hid and being quiet； might maybe catch a live one。 He was advised to try
it。 Which was all the attention that was paid to his suggestion。 The
conference ended with the naming the monster after the naturalist； since
he； after God； had created it。
〃And improved it； mayhap；〃 muttered the Tumble…Bug； who was intruding
again； according to his idle custom and his unappeasable curiosity。
END OF PART FIRST
SOME LEARNED FABLES FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
PART SECOND
HOW THE ANIMALS OF THE WOOD COMPLETED THEIR SCIENTIFIC LABORS
A week later the expedition camped in the midst of a collection of
wonderful curiosities。 These were a sort of vast caverns of stone that
rose singly and in bunches out of the plain by the side of the river
which they had first seen when they emerged from the forest。 These
caverns stood in long； straight rows on opposite sides of broad aisles
that were bordered with single ranks of trees。 The summit of each cavern
sloped sharply both ways。 Several horizontal rows of great square holes；
obstructed by a thin； shiny； transparent substance； pierced the frontage
of each cavern。 Inside were caverns within caverns； and one might ascend
and visit these minor compartments by means of curious winding ways
consisting of continuous regular terraces raised one above another。
There were many huge； shapeless objects in each compartment which were
considered to have been living creatures at one time； though now the thin
brown skin was shrunken and loose； and rattled when disturbed。 Spiders
were here in great number； and their cobwebs； stretched in all directions
and wreathing the great skinny dead together； were a pleasant spectacle；
since they inspired with life and wholesome cheer a scene which would
otherwise have brought to the mind only a sense of forsakenness and
desolation。 Information was sought of these spiders； but in vain。 They
were of a different nationality from those with the expedition； and their
language seemed but a musical； meaningless jargon。 They were a timid；
gentle race； but ignorant； and heathenish worshipers of unknown gods。
The expedition detailed a great detachment of missionaries to teach them
the true religion； and in a week's time a precious work had been wrought
among those darkened creatures； not three families being by that time at
peace with each other or having a settled belief in any system of
religion whatever。 This encouraged the expedition to establish a colony
of missionaries there permanently； that the work of grace might go on。
But let us not outrun our narrative。 After close examination of the
fronts of the caverns； and much thinking and exchanging of theories； the
scientists determined the nature of these singular formations。 They said
that each belonged mainly to the Old Red Sandstone period； that the
cavern fronts rose in innumerable and wonderfully regular strata high in
the air； each stratum about five frog…spans thick； and that in the
present discovery lay an overpowering refutation of all received geology；
for between every two layers of Old Red Sandstone reposed a thin layer of
decomposed limestone； so instead of there having been but one Old Red
Sandstone period there had certainly been not less than a hundred and
seventy…five！ And by the same token it was plain that there had also
been a hundred and seventy…five floodings of the earth and depositings of
limestone strata！ The unavoidable deduction from which pair of facts was
the overwhelming truth that the world； instead of being only two hundred
thousand years old； was older by millions upon millions of years！ And
there was another curious thing： every stratum of Old Red Sandstone was
pierced and divided at mathematically regular intervals by vertical
strata of limestone。 Up…shootings of igneous rock through fractures in
water formations were common； but here was the first instance where
water…formed rock had been so projected。 It was a great and noble
discovery； and its value to science was considered to be inestimable。
A critical examination of some of the lower strata demonstrated the
presence of fossil ants and tumble…bugs （the latter accompanied by their
peculiar goods）； and with high gratification the fact was enrolled upon
the scientific record； for this was proof that these vulgar laborers
belonged to the first and lowest orders of created beings； though at the
same time there was something repulsive in the reflection that the
perfect and exquisite creature of the modern uppermost order owed its
origin to such ignominious beings through the mysterious law of
Development of Species。
The Tumble…Bug； overhearing this discussion； said he was willing that the
parvenus of these new times should find what comfort they might in their
wise…drawn theories； since as far as he was concerned he was content to
be of the old first families and proud to point back to his place among
the old original aristocracy of the land。
〃Enjoy your mushroom dignity； stinking of the varnish of yesterday's
veneering； since you like it；〃 said he； 〃suffice it for the Tumble…Bugs
that they come of a race that rolled their fragrant spheres down the
solemn aisles of antiquity； and left their imperishable works embalmed in
the Old Red Sandstone to proclaim it to the wasting centuries as they
file along the highway of Time！〃
〃Oh； take a walk！〃 said the chief of the eKpedition； with derision。
The summer passed； and winter approached。 In and about many of the
caverns were what seemed to be inscriptions。 Most of the scientists said
they were inscriptions； a few said they were not。 The chief philologist；
Professor Woodlouse； maintained that they were writings； done in a
character utterly unknown to scholars； and in a language equally unknown。
He had early ordered his artists and draftsmen to make facsimiles of all
that were discovered； and had set himself about finding the key to the
hidden tongue。 In this work he had followed the method which had always
been used by decipherers previously。 That is to say； he placed a number
of copies of inscriptions before him and studied them both collectively
and in detail。 To begin with； he placed the following copies together：
THE AMERICAN HOTEL。 MEALS AT ALL HOURS。
THE SHADES。 NO SMOKING。
BOATS FOR HIRE CHEAP UNION PRAYER MEETING； 6 P。M。
BILLIARDS。 THE WATERSIDE JOURNAL。
THE A1 BARBER SHOP。 TELEGRAPH OFFICE。
KEEP OFF THE GRASS。 TRY BRANDRETH'S PILLS。
COTTAGES FOR RENT DURING THE WATERING SEASON。
FOR SALE CHEAP。 FOR SALE CHEAP。
FOR SALE CHEAP。 FOR SALE CHEAP。
At first it seemed to the professor that this was a sign…language； and
that each word was represented by a distinct sign； further examination
convinced him that it was a written language； and that every letter of
its alphabet was represented by a character of its own； and finally he
decided that it was a language which conveyed itself partly by letters；
and partly by signs or hieroglyphics。 This conclusion was forced upon
him by the discovery of several specimens of the following nature：
He observed that certain inscriptions were met with in greater frequency
than others。 Such as 〃FOR SALE CHEAP〃； 〃BILLIARDS〃； 〃S。 T。1860X〃；
〃KENO〃； 〃ALE ON DRAUGHT。〃 Naturally； then； these must be religious
maxims。 But this idea was cast aside by and by； as the mystery of the
strange alphabet began to clear itself。 In time； the professor was
enabled to translate several of the inscriptions with considerable
plausibility； though not to the perfect satisfaction of all the scholars。
Still； he made constant and encouraging progress。
Finally a cavern was discovered with these inscriptions upon it：
WATERSIDE MUSEUM。
Open at All Hours。
Admission 50 cents。
WONDERFUL COLLECTION OF
WAX…WORKS； ANCIENT FOSSILS；
ETC。
Professor Woodlouse affirmed that the word 〃Museum〃 was equivalent to the
phrase 〃lumgath molo；〃 or 〃Burial Place。〃 Upon entering； the scientists
were well astonished。 But what they saw may be best conveyed in the
language of their own official report：
〃Erect； in a row； were a sort of rigid great figures which struck us
instantly as belonging to the long extinct species of reptile called MAN；
described in our ancient records。 This was a peculiarly gratifying
discovery； because of late times it has become fashionable to regard this
creature as a myth and a superstition； a work of the inventive
imaginations of our remote ancestors。 But here； indeed； was Man；
perfectly preserved； in a fossil state。 And this was his burial place；
as already ascertained by the inscription。 And now it began to be
suspected that the caverns we had been inspecting had been his ancient
haunts in that old time that he roamed the earthfor upon the breast of
each of these tall fossils was an inscription in the character heretofore
noticed。 One read； 'CAPTAIN KIDD THE PIRATE'； another； 'QUEEN VICTORIA'；
another； 'ABE LINCOLN'； another； 'GEORGE WASHINGTON；' etc。
〃With feverish interest we called for our ancient scientific records to
discover if perchance the description of Man there set down would tally
with the fossils before us。 Professor Woodlouse read it aloud in its
quaint and musty phraseology； to wit：
〃'In ye time of our fathers Man still walked ye earth； as by tradition we
know。 It was a creature of exceeding great size； being compassed about
with a loose skin； sometimes of one color； sometimes of many； the which
it was able to cast at will； which being done； the hind legs were
discovered to be armed with short claws like to a mole's but broader； and
ye forelegs with fingers of a curious slimness and a length much more
prodigious than a frog