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AN¡¡EPISODE¡¡OF¡¡FIDDLETOWN





In¡¡1858¡¡Fiddletown¡¡considered¡¡her¡¡a¡¡very¡¡pretty¡¡woman¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡had¡¡a

quantity¡¡of¡¡light¡¡chestnut¡¡hair£»¡¡a¡¡good¡¡figure£»¡¡a¡¡dazzling

complexion£»¡¡and¡¡a¡¡certain¡¡languid¡¡grace¡¡which¡¡passed¡¡easily¡¡for

gentle¡­womanliness¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡always¡¡dressed¡¡becomingly£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡what

Fiddletown¡¡accepted¡¡as¡¡the¡¡latest¡¡fashion¡£¡¡¡¡She¡¡had¡¡only¡¡two

blemishes£º¡¡one¡¡of¡¡her¡¡velvety¡¡eyes£»¡¡when¡¡examined¡¡closely£»¡¡had¡¡a

slight¡¡cast£»¡¡and¡¡her¡¡left¡¡cheek¡¡bore¡¡a¡¡small¡¡scar¡¡left¡¡by¡¡a¡¡single

drop¡¡of¡¡vitriol¡¡happily¡¡the¡¡only¡¡drop¡¡of¡¡an¡¡entire¡¡phialthrown

upon¡¡her¡¡by¡¡one¡¡of¡¡her¡¡own¡¡jealous¡¡sex£»¡¡that¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡pretty

face¡¡it¡¡was¡¡intended¡¡to¡¡mar¡£¡¡¡¡But¡¡when¡¡the¡¡observer¡¡had¡¡studied¡¡the

eyes¡¡sufficiently¡¡to¡¡notice¡¡this¡¡defect£»¡¡he¡¡was¡¡generally

incapacitated¡¡for¡¡criticism£»¡¡and¡¡even¡¡the¡¡scar¡¡on¡¡her¡¡cheek¡¡was

thought¡¡by¡¡some¡¡to¡¡add¡¡piquancy¡¡to¡¡her¡¡smile¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡youthful¡¡editor

of¡¡THE¡¡FIDDLETOWN¡¡AVALANCHE¡¡had¡¡said¡¡privately¡¡that¡¡it¡¡was¡¡¡¨an

exaggerated¡¡dimple¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡Colonel¡¡Starbottle¡¡was¡¡instantly¡¡¡¨reminded¡¡of

the¡¡beautifying¡¡patches¡¡of¡¡the¡¡days¡¡of¡¡Queen¡¡Anne£»¡¡but¡¡more

particularly£»¡¡sir£»¡¡of¡¡the¡¡blankest¡¡beautiful¡¡women¡¡that£»¡¡blank¡¡you£»

you¡¡ever¡¡laid¡¡your¡¡two¡¡blank¡¡eyes¡¡upona¡¡Creole¡¡woman£»¡¡sir£»¡¡in¡¡New

Orleans¡£¡¡¡¡And¡¡this¡¡woman¡¡had¡¡a¡¡scara¡¡line¡¡extending£»¡¡blank¡¡me£»

from¡¡her¡¡eye¡¡to¡¡her¡¡blank¡¡chin¡£¡¡¡¡And¡¡this¡¡woman£»¡¡sir£»¡¡thrilled¡¡you£»

sir£»¡¡maddened¡¡you£»¡¡sir£»¡¡absolutely¡¡sent¡¡your¡¡blank¡¡soul¡¡to

perdition¡¡with¡¡her¡¡blank¡¡fascination£¡¡¡¡¡And¡¡one¡¡day¡¡I¡¡said¡¡to¡¡her£»

'Celeste£»¡¡how¡¡in¡¡blank¡¡did¡¡you¡¡come¡¡by¡¡that¡¡beautiful¡¡scar£»¡¡blank

you£¿'¡¡¡¡And¡¡she¡¡said¡¡to¡¡me£»¡¡'Star£»¡¡there¡¡isn't¡¡another¡¡white¡¡man

that¡¡I'd¡¡confide¡¡in¡¡but¡¡you£»¡¡but¡¡I¡¡made¡¡that¡¡scar¡¡myself£»

purposely£»¡¡I¡¡did£»¡¡blank¡¡me¡£'¡¡¡¡These¡¡were¡¡her¡¡very¡¡words£»¡¡sir£»¡¡and

perhaps¡¡you¡¡think¡¡it¡¡a¡¡blank¡¡lie£»¡¡sir£»¡¡but¡¡I'll¡¡put¡¡up¡¡any¡¡blank

sum¡¡you¡¡can¡¡name¡¡and¡¡prove¡¡it£»¡¡blank¡¡me¡£¡¨



Indeed£»¡¡most¡¡of¡¡the¡¡male¡¡population¡¡of¡¡Fiddletown¡¡were¡¡or¡¡had¡¡been

in¡¡love¡¡with¡¡her¡£¡¡¡¡Of¡¡this¡¡number£»¡¡about¡¡one¡­half¡¡believed¡¡that

their¡¡love¡¡was¡¡returned£»¡¡with¡¡the¡¡exception£»¡¡possibly£»¡¡of¡¡her¡¡own

husband¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡alone¡¡had¡¡been¡¡known¡¡to¡¡express¡¡skepticism¡£



The¡¡name¡¡of¡¡the¡¡gentleman¡¡who¡¡enjoyed¡¡this¡¡infelicitous¡¡distinction

was¡¡Tretherick¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡been¡¡divorced¡¡from¡¡an¡¡excellent¡¡wife¡¡to

marry¡¡this¡¡Fiddletown¡¡enchantress¡£¡¡¡¡She£»¡¡also£»¡¡had¡¡been¡¡divorced£»

but¡¡it¡¡was¡¡hinted¡¡that¡¡some¡¡previous¡¡experiences¡¡of¡¡hers¡¡in¡¡that

legal¡¡formality¡¡had¡¡made¡¡it¡¡perhaps¡¡less¡¡novel£»¡¡and¡¡probably¡¡less

sacrificial¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡would¡¡not¡¡have¡¡it¡¡inferred¡¡from¡¡this¡¡that¡¡she¡¡was

deficient¡¡in¡¡sentiment£»¡¡or¡¡devoid¡¡of¡¡its¡¡highest¡¡moral¡¡expression¡£

Her¡¡intimate¡¡friend¡¡had¡¡written¡¡£¨on¡¡the¡¡occasion¡¡of¡¡her¡¡second

divorce£©£»¡¡¡¨The¡¡cold¡¡world¡¡does¡¡not¡¡understand¡¡Clara¡¡yet¡¨£»¡¡and

Colonel¡¡Starbottle¡¡had¡¡remarked¡¡blankly¡¡that¡¡with¡¡the¡¡exception¡¡of

a¡¡single¡¡woman¡¡in¡¡Opelousas¡¡Parish£»¡¡La¡££»¡¡she¡¡had¡¡more¡¡soul¡¡than¡¡the

whole¡¡caboodle¡¡of¡¡them¡¡put¡¡together¡£¡¡¡¡Few¡¡indeed¡¡could¡¡read¡¡those

lines¡¡entitled¡¡¡¨Infelissimus£»¡¨¡¡commencing¡¡¡¨Why¡¡waves¡¡no¡¡cypress

o'er¡¡this¡¡brow£¿¡¨¡¡originally¡¡published¡¡in¡¡the¡¡AVALANCHE£»¡¡over¡¡the

signature¡¡of¡¡¡¨The¡¡Lady¡¡Clare£»¡¨¡¡without¡¡feeling¡¡the¡¡tear¡¡of

sensibility¡¡tremble¡¡on¡¡his¡¡eyelids£»¡¡or¡¡the¡¡glow¡¡of¡¡virtuous

indignation¡¡mantle¡¡his¡¡cheek£»¡¡at¡¡the¡¡low¡¡brutality¡¡and¡¡pitiable

jocularity¡¡of¡¡THE¡¡DUTCH¡¡FLAT¡¡INTELLIGENCER£»¡¡which¡¡the¡¡next¡¡week¡¡had

suggested¡¡the¡¡exotic¡¡character¡¡of¡¡the¡¡cypress£»¡¡and¡¡its¡¡entire

absence¡¡from¡¡Fiddletown£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡reasonable¡¡answer¡¡to¡¡the¡¡query¡£



Indeed£»¡¡it¡¡was¡¡this¡¡tendency¡¡to¡¡elaborate¡¡her¡¡feelings¡¡in¡¡a

metrical¡¡manner£»¡¡and¡¡deliver¡¡them¡¡to¡¡the¡¡cold¡¡world¡¡through¡¡the

medium¡¡of¡¡the¡¡newspapers£»¡¡that¡¡first¡¡attracted¡¡the¡¡attention¡¡of

Tretherick¡£¡¡¡¡Several¡¡poems¡¡descriptive¡¡of¡¡the¡¡effects¡¡of¡¡California

scenery¡¡upon¡¡a¡¡too¡­sensitive¡¡soul£»¡¡and¡¡of¡¡the¡¡vague¡¡yearnings¡¡for

the¡¡infinite¡¡which¡¡an¡¡enforced¡¡study¡¡of¡¡the¡¡heartlessness¡¡of

California¡¡society¡¡produced¡¡in¡¡the¡¡poetic¡¡breast£»¡¡impressed¡¡Mr¡£

Tretherick£»¡¡who¡¡was¡¡then¡¡driving¡¡a¡¡six¡­mule¡¡freight¡¡wagon¡¡between

Knight's¡¡Ferry¡¡and¡¡Stockton£»¡¡to¡¡seek¡¡out¡¡the¡¡unknown¡¡poetess¡£¡¡¡¡Mr¡£

Tretherick¡¡was¡¡himself¡¡dimly¡¡conscious¡¡of¡¡a¡¡certain¡¡hidden

sentiment¡¡in¡¡his¡¡own¡¡nature£»¡¡and¡¡it¡¡is¡¡possible¡¡that¡¡some

reflections¡¡on¡¡the¡¡vanity¡¡of¡¡his¡¡pursuithe¡¡supplied¡¡several

mining¡¡camps¡¡with¡¡whisky¡¡and¡¡tobaccoin¡¡conjunction¡¡with¡¡the

dreariness¡¡of¡¡the¡¡dusty¡¡plain¡¡on¡¡which¡¡he¡¡habitually¡¡drove£»¡¡may

have¡¡touched¡¡some¡¡chord¡¡in¡¡sympathy¡¡with¡¡this¡¡sensitive¡¡woman¡£

Howbeit£»¡¡after¡¡a¡¡brief¡¡courtshipas¡¡brief¡¡as¡¡was¡¡consistent¡¡with

some¡¡previous¡¡legal¡¡formalitiesthey¡¡were¡¡married£»¡¡and¡¡Mr¡£

Tretherick¡¡brought¡¡his¡¡blushing¡¡bride¡¡to¡¡Fiddletown£»¡¡or

¡¨Fideletown£»¡¨¡¡as¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡preferred¡¡to¡¡call¡¡it¡¡in¡¡her¡¡poems¡£



The¡¡union¡¡was¡¡not¡¡a¡¡felicitous¡¡one¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡not¡¡long¡¡before¡¡Mr¡£

Tretherick¡¡discovered¡¡that¡¡the¡¡sentiment¡¡he¡¡had¡¡fostered¡¡while

freighting¡¡between¡¡Stockton¡¡and¡¡Knight's¡¡Ferry¡¡was¡¡different¡¡from

that¡¡which¡¡his¡¡wife¡¡had¡¡evolved¡¡from¡¡the¡¡contemplation¡¡of

California¡¡scenery¡¡and¡¡her¡¡own¡¡soul¡£¡¡¡¡Being¡¡a¡¡man¡¡of¡¡imperfect

logic£»¡¡this¡¡caused¡¡him¡¡to¡¡beat¡¡her£»¡¡and¡¡she£»¡¡being¡¡equally¡¡faulty

in¡¡deduction£»¡¡was¡¡impelled¡¡to¡¡a¡¡certain¡¡degree¡¡of¡¡unfaithfulness¡¡on

the¡¡same¡¡premise¡£¡¡¡¡Then¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡began¡¡to¡¡drink£»¡¡and¡¡Mrs¡£

Tretherick¡¡to¡¡contribute¡¡regularly¡¡to¡¡the¡¡columns¡¡of¡¡the¡¡AVALANCHE¡£

It¡¡was¡¡at¡¡this¡¡time¡¡that¡¡Colonel¡¡Starbottle¡¡discovered¡¡a¡¡similarity

in¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick's¡¡verse¡¡to¡¡the¡¡genius¡¡of¡¡Sappho£»¡¡and¡¡pointed¡¡it

out¡¡to¡¡the¡¡citizens¡¡of¡¡Fiddletown¡¡in¡¡a¡¡two¡­columned¡¡criticism£»

signed¡¡¡¨A¡£¡¡S¡££»¡¨¡¡also¡¡published¡¡in¡¡the¡¡AVALANCHE£»¡¡and¡¡supported¡¡by

extensive¡¡quotation¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡the¡¡AVALANCHE¡¡did¡¡not¡¡possess¡¡a¡¡font¡¡of

Greek¡¡type£»¡¡the¡¡editor¡¡was¡¡obliged¡¡to¡¡reproduce¡¡the¡¡Leucadian

numbers¡¡in¡¡the¡¡ordinary¡¡Roman¡¡letter£»¡¡to¡¡the¡¡intense¡¡disgust¡¡of

Colonel¡¡Starbottle£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡vast¡¡delight¡¡of¡¡Fiddletown£»¡¡who¡¡saw¡¡fit

to¡¡accept¡¡the¡¡text¡¡as¡¡an¡¡excellent¡¡imitation¡¡of¡¡Choctawa¡¡language

with¡¡which¡¡the¡¡colonel£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡whilom¡¡resident¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Indian

Territories£»¡¡was¡¡supposed¡¡to¡¡be¡¡familiar¡£¡¡¡¡Indeed£»¡¡the¡¡next¡¡week's

INTELLIGENCER¡¡contained¡¡some¡¡vile¡¡doggerel¡¡supposed¡¡to¡¡be¡¡an¡¡answer

to¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick's¡¡poem£»¡¡ostensibly¡¡written¡¡by¡¡the¡¡wife¡¡of¡¡a

Digger¡¡Indian¡¡chief£»¡¡accompanied¡¡by¡¡a¡¡glowing¡¡eulogium¡¡signed¡¡¡¨A¡£

S¡£¡¡S¡£¡¨



The¡¡result¡¡of¡¡this¡¡jocularity¡¡was¡¡briefly¡¡given¡¡in¡¡a¡¡later¡¡copy¡¡of

the¡¡AVALANCHE¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨An¡¡unfortunate¡¡rencounter¡¡took¡¡place¡¡on¡¡Monday

last£»¡¡between¡¡the¡¡Hon¡£¡¡Jackson¡¡Flash¡¡of¡¡THE¡¡DUTCH¡¡FLAT

INTELLIGENCER¡¡and¡¡the¡¡well¡­known¡¡Col¡£¡¡Starbottle¡¡of¡¡this¡¡place£»¡¡in

front¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Eureka¡¡Saloon¡£¡¡¡¡Two¡¡shots¡¡were¡¡fired¡¡by¡¡the¡¡parties

without¡¡injury¡¡to¡¡either£»¡¡although¡¡it¡¡is¡¡said¡¡that¡¡a¡¡passing

Chinaman¡¡received¡¡fifteen¡¡buckshot¡¡in¡¡the¡¡calves¡¡of¡¡his¡¡legs¡¡from

the¡¡colonel's¡¡double¡­barreled¡¡shotgun£»¡¡which¡¡were¡¡not¡¡intended¡¡for

him¡£¡¡¡¡John¡¡will¡¡learn¡¡to¡¡keep¡¡out¡¡of¡¡the¡¡way¡¡of¡¡Melican¡¡man's

firearms¡¡hereafter¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡cause¡¡of¡¡the¡¡affray¡¡is¡¡not¡¡known£»¡¡although

it¡¡is¡¡hinted¡¡that¡¡there¡¡is¡¡a¡¡lady¡¡in¡¡the¡¡case¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡rumor¡¡that

points¡¡to¡¡a¡¡well¡­known¡¡and¡¡beautiful¡¡poetess¡¡whose¡¡lucubrations

have¡¡often¡¡graced¡¡our¡¡columns¡¡seems¡¡to¡¡gain¡¡credence¡¡from¡¡those

that¡¡are¡¡posted¡£¡¨



Meanwhile¡¡the¡¡passiveness¡¡displayed¡¡by¡¡Tretherick¡¡under¡¡these

trying¡¡circumstances¡¡was¡¡fully¡¡appreciated¡¡in¡¡the¡¡gulches¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨The

old¡¡man's¡¡head¡¡is¡¡level£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡one¡¡long¡­booted¡¡philosopher¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Ef

the¡¡colonel¡¡kills¡¡Flash£»¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡is¡¡avenged£º¡¡if¡¡Flash¡¡drops

the¡¡colonel£»¡¡Tretherick¡¡is¡¡all¡¡right¡£¡¡¡¡Either¡¡way£»¡¡he's¡¡got¡¡a¡¡sure

thing¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡During¡¡this¡¡delicate¡¡condition¡¡of¡¡affairs£»¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick

one¡¡day¡¡left¡¡her¡¡husband's¡¡home¡¡and¡¡took¡¡refuge¡¡at¡¡the¡¡Fiddletown

Hotel£»¡¡with¡¡only¡¡the¡¡clothes¡¡she¡¡had¡¡on¡¡her¡¡back¡£¡¡¡¡Here¡¡she¡¡staid

for¡¡several¡¡weeks£»¡¡during¡¡which¡¡period¡¡it¡¡is¡¡only¡¡justice¡¡to¡¡say

that¡¡she¡¡bore¡¡herself¡¡with¡¡the¡¡strictest¡¡propriety¡£



It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡clear¡¡morning¡¡in¡¡early¡¡spring¡¡that¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick£»

unattended£»¡¡left¡¡the¡¡hotel£»¡¡and¡¡walked¡¡down¡¡the¡¡narrow¡¡street

toward¡¡the¡¡fringe¡¡of¡¡dark¡¡pines¡¡which¡¡indicated¡¡the¡¡extreme¡¡limits

of¡¡Fiddletown¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡few¡¡loungers¡¡at¡¡that¡¡early¡¡hour¡¡were

preoccupied¡¡with¡¡the¡¡departure¡¡of¡¡the¡¡Wingdown¡¡coach¡¡at¡¡the¡¡other

extremity¡¡of¡¡the¡¡street£»¡¡and¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡reached¡¡the¡¡suburbs¡¡of

the¡¡settlement¡¡without¡¡discomposing¡¡observation¡£¡¡¡¡Here¡¡she¡¡took¡¡a

cross¡¡street¡¡or¡¡road£»¡¡running¡¡at¡¡right¡¡angles¡¡with¡¡the¡¡main

thoroughfare¡¡of¡¡Fiddletown¡¡and¡¡passing¡¡through¡¡a¡¡belt¡¡of¡¡woodland¡£

It¡¡was¡¡evidently¡¡the¡¡exclusive¡¡and¡¡aristocratic¡¡avenue¡¡of¡¡the¡¡town¡£

The¡¡dwellings¡¡were¡¡few£»¡¡ambitious£»¡¡and¡¡uninterrupted¡¡by¡¡shops¡£¡¡¡¡And

here¡¡she¡¡was¡¡joined¡¡by¡¡Colonel¡¡Starbottle¡£



The¡¡gallant¡¡colonel£»¡¡notwithstanding¡¡that¡¡he¡¡bore¡¡the¡¡swelling¡¡port

which¡¡usually¡¡distinguished¡¡him£»¡¡that¡¡his¡¡coat¡¡was¡¡tightly¡¡buttoned

and¡¡his¡¡boots¡¡tightly¡¡fitting£»¡¡and¡¡that¡¡his¡¡cane£»¡¡hooked¡¡over¡¡his

arm£»¡¡swung¡¡jauntily£»¡¡was¡¡not¡¡entirely¡¡at¡¡his¡¡ease¡£¡¡¡¡Mrs¡£

Tretherick£»¡¡however£»¡¡vouchsafed¡¡him¡¡a¡¡gracious¡¡smile¡¡and¡¡a¡¡glance

of¡¡her¡¡dangerous¡¡eyes£»¡¡and¡¡the¡¡colonel£»¡¡with¡¡an¡¡embarrassed¡¡cough

and¡¡a¡¡slight¡¡strut£»¡¡took¡¡his¡¡place¡¡at¡¡her¡¡side¡£



¡¨The¡¡coast¡¡is¡¡clear£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡the¡¡colonel£»¡¡¡¨and¡¡Tretherick¡¡is¡¡over¡¡at

Dutch¡¡Flat¡¡on¡¡a¡¡spree¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡is¡¡no¡¡one¡¡in¡¡the¡¡house¡¡but¡¡a

Chinaman£»¡¡and¡¡you¡¡need¡¡fear¡¡no¡¡trouble¡¡from¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡I£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡continued£»

with¡¡a¡¡slight¡¡inflation¡¡of¡¡the¡¡chest¡¡that¡¡imperiled¡¡the¡¡security¡¡of

his¡¡button£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡will¡¡see¡¡that¡¡you¡¡are¡¡protected¡¡in¡¡the¡¡removal¡¡of

your¡¡property¡£¡¨



¡¨I'm¡¡sure¡¡it's¡¡very¡¡kind¡¡of¡¡you£»¡¡and¡¡so¡¡disinterested£¡¡¨¡¡simpered

the¡¡lady¡¡as¡¡they¡¡walked¡¡along¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨It's¡¡so¡¡pleasant¡¡to¡¡meet¡¡someone

who¡¡has¡¡soulsomeone¡¡to¡¡sympathize¡¡with¡¡in¡¡a¡¡community¡¡so¡¡hardened

and¡¡heartless¡¡as¡¡this¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡And¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡cast¡¡down¡¡her¡¡eyes£»

but¡¡not¡¡until¡¡they¡¡wrought¡¡their¡¡perfect¡¡and¡¡accepted¡¡work¡¡upon¡¡her

companion¡£



¡¨Yes£»¡¡certainly£»¡¡of¡¡course£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡the¡¡colonel£»¡¡glancing¡¡nervously

up¡¡and¡¡down¡¡the¡¡street¡¨yes£»¡¡certainly¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡Perceiving£»¡¡however£»

that¡¡there¡¡was¡¡no¡¡one¡¡in¡¡sight¡¡or¡¡hearing£»¡¡he¡¡proceeded¡¡at¡¡once¡¡to

inform¡¡Mrs¡£¡¡Tretherick¡¡that¡¡the¡¡great¡¡trouble¡¡of¡¡his¡¡life£»¡¡in¡¡fact£»

had¡¡been¡¡the¡¡possession¡¡of¡¡too¡¡much¡¡soul¡£¡¡¡¡That¡¡many¡¡womenas¡¡a

gentleman¡¡she¡¡would¡¡excuse¡¡him£»¡¡of¡¡course£»¡¡from¡¡mentioning¡¡names

but¡¡many¡¡beau
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