the lily of the valley- 第16部分

withdrawing　or　adulterating　a　single　particle？　Do　not　embitter　the

mother's　milk！　though　as　a　wife　I　am　invulnerable；　you　must　never

again　speak　thus　to　me。　If　you　do　not　respect　this　command；　simple　as

it　is；　the　door　of　this　house　will　be　closed　to　you。　I　believed　in

pure　friendship；　in　a　voluntary　brotherhood；　more　real；　I　thought；

than　the　brotherhood　of　blood。　I　was　mistaken。　I　wanted　a　friend　who

was　not　a　judge；　a　friend　who　would　listen　to　me　in　those　moments　of

weakness　when　reproof　is　killing；　a　sacred　friend　from　whom　I　should

have　nothing　to　fear。　Youth　is　noble；　truthful；　capable　of　sacrifice；

disinterested；　seeing　your　persistency　in　coming　to　us；　I　believed；

yes；　I　will　admit　that　I　believed　in　some　divine　purpose；　I　thought　I

should　find　a　soul　that　would　be　mine；　as　the　priest　is　the　soul　of

all；　a　heart　in　which　to　pour　my　troubles　when　they　deluged　mine；　a

friend　to　hear　my　cries　when　if　I　continued　to　smother　them　they　would

strangle　me。　Could　I　but　have　this　friend；　my　life；　so　precious　to

these　children；　might　be　prolonged　until　Jacques　had　grown　to　manhood。

But　that　is　selfish！　The　Laura　of　Petrarch　cannot　be　lived　again。　I

must　die　at　my　post；　like　a　soldier；　friendless。　My　confessor　is

harsh；　austere；　andmy　aunt　is　dead。〃



Two　large　tears　filled　her　eyes；　gleamed　in　the　moonlight；　and　rolled

down　her　cheeks；　but　I　stretched　my　hand　in　time　to　catch　them；　and　I

drank　them　with　an　avidity　excited　by　her　words；　by　the　thought　of

those　ten　years　of　secret　woe；　of　wasted　feelings；　of　constant　care；

of　ceaseless　dreadyears　of　the　lofty　heroism　of　her　sex。　She　looked

at　me　with　gentle　stupefaction。



〃It　is　the　first　communion　of　love；〃　I　said。　〃Yes；　I　am　now　a　sharer

of　your　sorrows。　I　am　united　to　your　soul　as　our　souls　are　united　to

Christ　in　the　sacrament。　To　love；　even　without　hope；　is　happiness。　Ah！

what　woman　on　earth　could　give　me　a　joy　equal　to　that　of　receiving

your　tears！　I　accept　the　contract　which　must　end　in　suffering　to

myself。　I　give　myself　to　you　with　no　ulterior　thought。　I　will　be　to

you　that　which　you　will　me　to　be〃



She　stopped　me　with　a　motion　of　her　hand；　and　said　in　her　deep　voice；

〃I　consent　to　this　agreement　if　you　will　promise　never　to　tighten　the

bonds　which　bind　us　together。〃



〃Yes；〃　I　said；　〃but　the　less　you　grant　the　more　evidence　of　possession

I　ought　to　have。〃



〃You　begin　by　distrusting　me；〃　she　replied；　with　an　expression　of

melancholy　doubt。



〃No；　I　speak　from　pure　happiness。　Listen；　give　me　a　name　by　which　no

one　calls　you；　a　name　to　be　ours　only；　like　the　feeling　which　unites

us。〃



〃That　is　much　to　ask；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　will　show　you　that　I　am　not

petty。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　calls　me　Blanche。　One　only　person；　the　one

I　have　most　loved；　my　dear　aunt；　called　me　Henriette。　I　will　be

Henriette　once　more；　to　you。〃



I　took　her　hand　and　kissed　it。　She　left　it　in　mine　with　the

trustfulness　that　makes　a　woman　so　far　superior　to　men；　a　trustfulness

that　shames　us。　She　was　leaning　on　the　brick　balustrade　and　gazing　at

the　river。



〃Are　you　not　unwise；　my　friend；　to　rush　at　a　bound　to　the　extremes　of

friendship？　You　have　drained　the　cup；　offered　in　all　sincerity；　at　a

draught。　It　is　true　that　a　real　feeling　is　never　piecemeal；　it　must　be

whole；　or　it　does　not　exist。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf；〃　she　added　after　a

short　silence；　〃is　above　all　things　loyal　and　brave。　Perhaps　for　my

sake　you　will　forget　what　he　said　to　you　to…day；　if　he　has　forgotten

it　to…morrow；　I　will　myself　tell　him　what　occurred。　Do　not　come　to

Clochegourde　for　a　few　days；　he　will　respect　you　more　if　you　do　not。

On　Sunday；　after　church；　he　will　go　to　you。　I　know　him；　he　will　wish

to　undo　the　wrong　he　did；　and　he　will　like　you　all　the　better　for

treating　him　as　a　man　who　is　responsible　for　his　words　and　actions。〃



〃Five　days　without　seeing　you；　without　hearing　your　voice！〃



〃Do　not　put　such　warmth　into　your　manner　of　speaking　to　me；〃　she　said。



We　walked　twice　round　the　terrace　in　silence。　Then　she　said；　in　a　tone

of　command　which　proved　to　me　that　she　had　taken　possession　of　my

soul；　〃It　is　late；　we　will　part。〃



I　wished　to　kiss　her　hand；　she　hesitated；　then　gave　it　to　me；　and　said

in　a　voice　of　entreaty：　〃Never　take　it　unless　I　give　it　to　you；　leave

me　my　freedom；　if　not；　I　shall　be　simply　a　thing　of　yours；　and　that

ought　not　to　be。〃



〃Adieu；〃　I　said。



I　went　out　by　the　little　gate　of　the　lower　terrace；　which　she　opened

for　me。　Just　as　she　was　about　to　close　it　she　opened　it　again　and

offered　me　her　hand；　saying：　〃You　have　been　truly　good　to　me　this

evening；　you　have　comforted　my　whole　future；　take　it；　my　friend；　take

it。〃



I　kissed　her　hand　again　and　again；　and　when　I　raised　my　eyes　I　saw　the

tears　in　hers。　She　returned　to　the　upper　terrace　and　I　watched　her　for

a　moment　from　the　meadow。　When　I　was　on　the　road　to　Frapesle　I　again

saw　her　white　robe　shimmering　in　a　moonbeam；　then；　a　few　moments

later；　a　light　was　in　her　bedroom。



〃Oh；　my　Henriette！〃　I　cried；　〃to　you　I　pledge　the　purest　love　that

ever　shone　upon　this　earth。〃



I　turned　at　every　step　as　I　regained　Frapesle。　Ineffable　contentment

filled　my　mind。　A　way　was　open　for　the　devotion　that　swells　in　all

youthful　hearts　and　which　in　mine　had　been　so　long　inert。　Like　the

priest　who　by　one　solemn　step　enters　a　new　life；　my　vows　were　taken；　I

was　consecrated。　A　simple　〃Yes〃　had　bound　me　to　keep　my　love　within　my

soul　and　never　to　abuse　our　friendship　by　leading　this　woman　step　by

step　to　love。　All　noble　feelings　were　awakened　within　me；　and　I　heard

the　murmur　of　their　voices。　Before　confining　myself　within　the　narrow

walls　of　a　room；　I　stopped　beneath　the　azure　heavens　sown　with　stars；

I　listened　to　the　ring…dove　plaints　of　my　own　heart；　I　heard　again　the

simple　tones　of　that　ingenuous　confidence；　I　gathered　in　the　air　the

emanations　of　that　soul　which　henceforth　must　ever　seek　me。　How　grand

that　woman　seemed　to　me；　with　her　absolute　forgetfulness　of　self；　her

religion　of　mercy　to　wounded　hearts；　feeble　or　suffering；　her　declared

allegiance　to　her　legal　yoke。　She　was　there；　serene　upon　her　pyre　of

saint　and　martyr。　I　adored　her　face　as　it　shone　to　me　in　the　darkness。

Suddenly　I　fancied　I　perceived　a　meaning　in　her　words；　a　mysterious

significance　which　made　her　to　my　eyes　sublime。　Perhaps　she　longed

that　I　should　be　to　her　what　she　was　to　the　little　world　around　her。

Perhaps　she　sought　to　draw　from　me　her　strength　and　consolation；

putting　me　thus　within　her　sphere；　her　equal；　or　perhaps　above　her。

The　stars；　say　some　bold　builders　of　the　universe；　communicate　to　each

other　light　and　motion。　This　thought　lifted　me　to　ethereal　regions。　I

entered　once　more　the　heaven　of　my　former　visions；　I　found　a　meaning

for　the　miseries　of　my　childhood　in　the　illimitable　happiness　to　which

they　had　led　me。



Spirits　quenched　by　tears；　hearts　misunderstood；　saintly　Clarissa

Harlowes　forgotten　or　ignored；　children　neglected；　exiles　innocent　of

wrong；　all　ye　who　enter　life　through　barren　ways；　on　whom　men's　faces

everywhere　look　coldly；　to　whom　ears　close　and　hearts　are　shut；　cease

your　complaints！　You　alone　can　know　the　infinitude　of　joy　held　in　that

moment　when　one　heart　opens　to　you；　one　ear　listens；　one　look　answers

yours。　A　single　day　effaces　all　past　evil。　Sorrow；　despondency；

despair；　and　melancholy；　passed　but　not　forgotten；　are　links　by　which

the　soul　then　fastens　to　its　mate。　Woman　falls　heir　to　all　our　past；

our　sighs；　our　lost　illusions；　and　gives　them　back　to　us　ennobled；　she

explains　those　former　griefs　as　payment　claimed　by　destiny　for　joys

eternal；　which　she　brings　to　us　on　the　day　our　souls　are　wedded。　The

angels　alone　can　utter　the　new　name　by　which　that　sacred　love　is

called；　and　none　but　women；　dear　martyrs；　truly　know　what　Madame　de

Mortsauf　now　became　to　meto　me；　poor　and　desolate。







CHAPTER　II



FIRST　LOVE



This　scene　took　place　on　a　Tuesday。　I　waited　until　Sunday　and　did　not

cross　the　river。　During　those　five　days　great　events　were　happening　at

Clochegourde。　The　count　received　his　brevet　as　general　of　brigade；　the

cross　of　Saint　Louis；　and　a　pension　of　four　thousand　francs。　The　Duc

de　Lenoncourt…Givry；　made　peer　of　France；　recovered　possession　of　two

forests；　resumed　his　place　at　court；　and　his　wife　regained　all　her

unsold　property；　which　had　been　made　part　of　the　imperial　crown　lands。

The　Comtesse　de　Mortsauf　thus　became　an　heiress。　Her　mother　had

arrived　at　Clochegourde；　bringing　her　a　hundred　thousand　francs

economized　at　Givry；　the　amount　of　her　dowry；　still　unpaid　and　never

asked　for　by　the　count　in　spite　of　his　poverty。　In　all　such　matters　of

external　life　the　conduct　of　this　man　was　proudly　disinterested。

Adding　to　this　sum　his　own　few　savings　he　was　able　to　buy　two

neighboring　estates；　which　would　yield　him　some　nine　thousand　francs　a

year。　His　son　would　of　course　succeed　to　the　grandfather's　peerage；

and　the　count　now　saw　his　way　to　entail　the　estate　upon　him　without

injury　to　Madeleine；　for　whom　the　Duc　de　Lenoncourt　would　no　doubt

assist　in　promoting　a　good　marriage。




These　arrangements　and　this　new　happiness　shed　some　balm　upon　the

count's　sore　mind。　The　presence　of　the　Duchesse　de　Lenoncourt　at

Clochegourde　was　a　great　event　to　the　neighborhood。　I　reflected

gloomily　that　she　was　a　great　lady；　and　the　thought　made　me　conscious

of　the　spirit　of　caste　in　the　daughter　which　the　nobility　of　her

sentiments　had　hitherto　hidden　from　me。　Who　was　Ipoor；

insignificant；　and　with　no　future　but　my　courage　and　my　faculties？　I

did　not　then　think　of　the　consequences　of　the　Restoration　either　for

me　or　for　others。　On　Sunday　morning；　from　the　private　chapel　where　I

sat　with　Monsieur　and　Madame　de　Chessel　and　the　Abbe　de　Quelus；　I　cast

an　eager　glance　at　another　lateral　chapel　occupied　by　the　duchess　and

her　daughter；　the　count　and　his　children。　The　large　str