the marriage contract- 第24部分

cold。〃



The　sailor　gave　Paul　the　letter　and　said　not　a　word　of　the　message。

Recognizing　the　handwriting　of　his　wife　and　de　Marsay；　Paul　supposed

that　he　knew　what　they　both　would　urge　upon　him。　Anxious　not　to　be

influenced　by　offers　which　he　believed　their　devotion　to　his　welfare

would　inspire；　he　put　the　letters　in　his　pocket　unread；　with　apparent

indifference。



Absorbed　in　the　sad　thoughts　which　assail　the　strongest　man　under　such

circumstances；　Paul　gave　way　to　his　grief　as　he　waved　his　hand　to　his

old　friend；　and　bade　farewell　to　France；　watching　the　steeples　of

Bordeaux　as　they　fled　out　of　sight。　He　seated　himself　on　a　coil　of

rope。　Night　overtook　him　still　lost　in　thought。　With　the　semi…darkness

of　the　dying　day　came　doubts；　he　cast　an　anxious　eye　into　the　future。

Sounding　it；　and　finding　there　uncertainty　and　danger；　he　asked　his

soul　if　courage　would　fail　him。　A　vague　dread　seized　his　mind　as　he

thought　of　Natalie　left　wholly　to　herself；　he　repented　the　step　he　had

taken；　he　regretted　Paris　and　his　life　there。　Suddenly　sea…sickness

overcame　him。　Every　one　knows　the　effect　of　that　disorder。　The　most

horrible　of　its　sufferings　devoid　of　danger　is　a　complete　dissolution

of　the　will。　An　inexplicable　distress　relaxes　to　their　very　centre　the

cords　of　vitality；　the　soul　no　longer　performs　its　functions；　the

sufferer　becomes　indifferent　to　everything；　the　mother　forgets　her

child；　the　lover　his　mistress；　the　strongest　man　lies　prone；　like　an

inert　mass。　Paul　was　carried　to　his　cabin；　where　he　stayed　three　days；

lying　on　his　back；　gorged　with　grog　by　the　sailors；　or　vomiting；

thinking　of　nothing；　and　sleeping　much。　Then　he　revived　into　a　species

of　convalescence；　and　returned　by　degrees　to　his　ordinary　condition。

The　first　morning　after　he　felt　better　he　went　on　deck　and　passed　the

poop；　breathing　in　the　salt　breezes　of　another　atmosphere。　Putting　his

hands　into　his　pockets　he　felt　the　letters。　At　once　he　opened　them；

beginning　with　that　of　his　wife。



In　order　that　the　letter　of　the　Comtesse　de　Manerville　be　fully

understood；　it　is　necessary　to　give　the　one　which　Paul　had　written　to

her　on　the　day　that　he　left　Paris。



　　From　Paul　de　Manerville　to　his　wife：



　　My　beloved；When　you　read　this　letter　I　shall　be　far　away　from

　　you；　perhaps　already　on　the　vessel　which　is　to　take　me　to　India；

　　where　I　am　going　to　repair　my　shattered　fortune。



　　I　have　not　found　courage　to　tell　you　of　my　departure。　I　have

　　deceived　you；　but　it　was　best　to　do　so。　You　would　only　have　been

　　uselessly　distressed；　you　would　have　wished　to　sacrifice　your

　　fortune；　and　that　I　could　not　have　suffered。　Dear　Natalie；　feel　no

　　remorse；　I　have　no　regrets。　When　I　return　with　millions　I　shall

　　imitate　your　father　and　lay　them　at　your　feet；　as　he　laid　his　at

　　the　feet　of　your　mother；　saying　to　you：　〃All　I　have　is　yours。〃



　　I　love　you　madly；　Natalie；　I　say　this　without　fear　that　the

　　avowal　will　lead　you　to　strain　a　power　which　none　but　weak　men

　　fear；　yours　has　been　boundless　from　the　day　I　knew　you　first。　My

　　love　is　the　only　accomplice　in　my　disaster。　I　have　felt；　as　my

　　ruin　progressed；　the　delirious　joys　of　a　gambler；　as　the　money

　　diminished；　so　my　enjoyment　grew。　Each　fragment　of　my　fortune

　　turned　into　some　little　pleasure　for　you　gave　me　untold　happiness。

　　I　could　have　wished　that　you　had　more　caprices　that　I　might

　　gratify　them　all。　I　knew　I　was　marching　to　a　precipice；　but　I　went

　　on　crowned　with　joys　of　which　a　common　heart　knows　nothing。　I　have

　　acted　like　those　lovers　who　take　refuge　in　a　cottage　on　the　shores

　　of　some　lake　for　a　year　or　two；　resolved　to　kill　themselves　at

　　last；　dying　thus　in　all　the　glory　of　their　illusions　and　their

　　love。　I　have　always　thought　such　persons　infinitely　sensible。



　　You　have　known　nothing　of　my　pleasures　or　my　sacrifices。　The

　　greatest　joy　of　all　was　to　hide　from　the　one　beloved　the　cost　of

　　her　desires。　I　can　reveal　these　secrets　to　you　now；　for　when　you

　　hold　this　paper；　heavy　with　love；　I　shall　be　far　away。　Though　I

　　lose　the　treasures　of　your　gratitude；　I　do　not　suffer　that

　　contraction　of　the　heart　which　would　disable　me　if　I　spoke　to　you

　　of　these　matters。　Besides；　my　own　beloved；　is　there　not　a　tender

　　calculation　in　thus　revealing　to　you　the　history　of　the　past？　Does

　　it　not　extend　our　love　into　the　future？But　we　need　no　such

　　supports！　We　love　each　other　with　a　love　to　which　proof　is

　　needless；a　love　which　takes　no　note　of　time　or　distance；　but

　　lives　of　itself　alone。



　　Ah！　Natalie；　I　have　just　looked　at　you　asleep；　trustful；　restful

　　as　a　little　child；　your　hand　stretched　toward　me。　I　left　a　tear

　　upon　the　pillow　which　has　known　our　precious　joys。　I　leave　you

　　without　fear；　on　the　faith　of　that　attitude；　I　go　to　win　the

　　future　of　our　love　by　bringing　home　to　you　a　fortune　large　enough

　　to　gratify　your　every　taste；　and　let　no　shadow　of　anxiety　disturb

　　our　joys。　Neither　you　nor　I　can　do　without　enjoyments　in　the　life

　　we　live。　To　me　belongs　the　task　of　providing　the　necessary

　　fortune。　I　am　a　man；　and　I　have　courage。



　　Perhaps　you　might　seek　to　follow　me。　For　that　reason　I　conceal

　　from　you　the　name　of　the　vessel；　the　port　from　which　I　sail；　and

　　the　day　of　sailing。　After　I　am　gone；　when　too　late　to　follow　me；　a

　　friend　will　tell　you　all。



　　Natalie！　my　affection　is　boundless。　I　love　you　as　a　mother　loves

　　her　child；　as　a　lover　loves　his　mistress；　with　absolute

　　unselfishness。　To　me　the　toil；　to　you　the　pleasures；　to　me　all

　　sufferings；　to　you　all　happiness。　Amuse　yourself；　continue　your

　　habits　of　luxury；　go　to　theatres　and　operas；　enjoy　society　and

　　balls；　I　leave　you　free　for　all　things。　Dear　angel；　when　you

　　return　to　this　nest　where　for　five　years　we　have　tasted　the　fruits

　　which　love　has　ripened　think　of　your　friend；　think　for　a　moment　of

　　me；　and　rest　upon　my　heart。



　　That　is　all　I　ask　of　you。　For　myself；　dear　eternal　thought　of

　　mine！　whether　under　burning　skies；　toiling　for　both　of　us；　I　face

　　obstacles　to　vanquish；　or　whether；　weary　with　the　struggle；　I　rest

　　my　mind　on　hopes　of　a　return；　I　shall　think　of　you　alone；　of　you

　　who　are　my　life；my　blessed　life！　Yes；　I　shall　live　in　you。　I

　　shall　tell　myself　daily　that　you　have　no　troubles；　no　cares；　that

　　you　are　happy。　As　in　our　natural　lives　of　day　and　night；　of

　　sleeping　and　waking；　I　shall　have　sunny　days　in　Paris；　and　nights

　　of　toil　in　India；a　painful　dream；　a　joyful　reality；　and　I　shall

　　live　so　utterly　in　that　reality　that　my　actual　life　will　pass　as　a

　　dream。　I　shall　have　memories！　I　shall　recall；　line　by　line；

　　strophe　by　strophe；　our　glorious　five　years'　poem。　I　shall

　　remember　the　days　of　your　pleasure　in　some　new　dress　or　some

　　adornment　which　made　you　to　my　eyes　a　fresh　delight。　Yes；　dear

　　angel；　I　go　like　a　man　vowed　to　some　great　emprize；　the　guerdon　of

　　which；　if　success　attend　him；　is　the　recovery　of　his　beautiful

　　mistress。　Oh！　my　precious　love；　my　Natalie；　keep　me　as　a　religion

　　in　your　heart。　Be　the　child　that　I　have　just　seen　asleep！　If　you

　　betray　my　confidence；　my　blind　confidence；　you　need　not　fear　my

　　angerbe　sure　of　that；　I　should　die　silently。　But　a　wife　does　not

　　deceive　the　man　who　leaves　her　freefor　woman　is　never　base。　She

　　tricks　a　tyrant；　but　an　easy　treachery；　which　would　kill　its

　　victim；　she　will　not　commitNo；　no！　I　will　not　think　of　it。

　　Forgive　this　cry；　this　single　cry；　so　natural　to　the　heart　of　man！



　　Dear　love；　you　will　see　de　Marsay；　he　is　now　the　lessee　of　our

　　house；　and　he　will　leave　you　in　possession　of　it。　This　nominal

　　lease　was　necessary　to　avoid　a　useless　loss。　Our　creditors；

　　ignorant　that　their　payment　is　a　question　of　time　only；　would

　　otherwise　have　seized　the　furniture　and　the　temporary　possession

　　of　the　house。　Be　kind　to　de　Marsay；　I　have　the　most　entire

　　confidence　in　his　capacity　and　his　loyalty。　Take　him　as　your

　　defender　and　adviser；　make　him　your　slave。　However　occupied；　he

　　will　always　find　time　to　be　devoted　to　you。　I　have　placed　the

　　liquidation　of　my　affairs　and　the　payment　of　the　debts　in　his

　　hands。　If　he　should　advance　some　sum　of　which　he　should　later　feel

　　in　need　I　rely　on　you　to　pay　it　back。　Remember；　however；　that　I　do

　　not　leave　you　to　de　Marsay；　but　TO　YOURSELF；　I　do　not　seek　to

　　impose　him　upon　you。



　　Alas！　I　have　but　an　hour　more　to　stay　beside　you；　I　cannot　spend

　　that　hour　in　writing　businessI　count　your　breaths；　I　try　to

　　guess　your　thoughts　in　the　slight　motions　of　your　sleep。　I　would　I

　　could　infuse　my　blood　into　your　veins　that　you　might　be　a　part　of

　　me；　my　thought　your　thought；　and　your　heart　mineA　murmur　has

　　just　escaped　your　lips　as　though　it　were　a　soft　reply。　Be　calm　and

　　beautiful　forever　as　you　are　now！　Ah！　would　that　I　possessed　that

　　fabulous　fairy　power　which；　with　a　wand；　could　make　you　sleep

　　while　I　am　absent；　until；　returning；　I　should　wake　you　with　a

　　kiss。



　　How　much　I　must　love　you；　how　much　energy　of　soul　I　must　possess；

　　to　leave　you　as　I　see　you　now！　Adieu；　my　cherished　one。　Your　poor

　　Pink　of　Fashion　is　blown　away　by　stormy　winds；　butthe　wings　of

　　his　good　luck　shall　waft　him　back　to　you。　No；　my　Ninie；　I　am　not

　　bidding　you　farewell；　for　I　shall　never　leave　you。　Are　you　not　the

　　soul　of　my　actions？　Is　not　the　hope　of　returning　with　happiness

　　indestructible　for　YOU　the　end　and　aim　of　my　endeavor？　Does　it　not

　　lead　my　every　step？　You　will　be　with　me　everywhere。　Ah！　it　will

　　not　be　the　sun　of　India；　but　the　fire　of　your　eyes　that　lights　my

　　way。　Therefore　be　happyas　happy　as　a　woman　can　be　without　her

　　lover。　I　would　the　last　kiss　that　I　take　from　those　dear　lips　were

　　not　a　passive　one；　but；　my　Ninie；　my　adored　one；　I　will　not　wake

　　you。　When　you　wake；　you　will　find　a　tear　upon　your　foreheadmake

　　it　a　talisman！　Think；　think　of　him　who　may；　perhaps；　die