its figures of speech； and any thing was better than appearing to
hesitate。 Nevertheless； Miss Monson was too well instructed； and had
too much real taste； not to feel surprise at all this extravagance of diction
and poetry。
〃I am not certain； Mr。 Thurston； that I rightly understand you；〃 she said。
〃Chimborazo is not particularly low； nor are the caverns of Kentucky so
strikingly elevated。〃
〃Ascribe it all to that fatal； heart…thrilling； hope…inspiring 'yes；' loveliest of
human females；〃 continued Tom； kneeling with some caution； lest the
straps of his pantaloons should give way〃Impute all to your own lucid
ambiguity； and to the torments of hope that I experience。 Repeat that
'yes；' lovely； consolatory； imaginative being； and raise me from the thrill
of depression； to the liveliest pulsations of all human acmes。〃
〃Hang it；〃 thought Tom； 〃if she stand THAT； I shall presently be ashore。
Genius； itself； can invent nothing finer。〃
But Julia did stand it。 She admired Tom for his exterior； but the
admiration of no moderately sensible woman could overlook
rodomontade so exceedingly desperate。 It was trespassing too boldly
on the proprieties to utter such nonsense to a gentlewoman； and Tom；
who had got his practice in a very low school； was doomed to discover
that he had overreached himself。
〃I am not certain I quite understand you； Mr。 Thurston； answered the
half…irritated； half…amused young lady； 〃your language is so very
extraordinaryyour images so unusual〃
〃Say； rather； that it is your own image； loveliest incorporation of
perceptible incarnations；〃 interrupted Tom； determined to go for the
whole； and recalling some rare specimens of magazine eloquence
〃Talk not of images； obdurate maid； when you are nothing but an image
yourself。〃
〃I！ Mr。 Thurstonand of what is it your pleasure to accuse me of being
the image？〃
〃O！ unutterable woyes； inexorable girl； your vacillating 'yes' has
rendered me the impersonation of that oppressive sentiment； of which
your beauty and excellence have become the mocking reality。 Alas；
alas！ that bearded men；〃Tom's face was covered with hair〃Alas；
alas！ that bearded men should be brought to weep over the contrarieties
of womanly caprice。〃
Here Tom bowed his head； and after a grunting sob or two； he raised
his handkerchief in a very pathetic manner to his face； and THOUGHT
to himself〃Well； if she stand THAT； the Lord only knows what I shall
say next。〃
As for Julia； she was amused； though at first she had been a little
frightened。 The girl had a good deal of spirit； and she had tant soit peu
of mother Eve's love of mischief in her。 She determined to 〃make
capital〃 out of the affair； as the Americans say； in shop…keeping slang。
｛tant soit peu = an ever so tiny amount｝
〃What is the 'yes；' of which you speak；〃 she inquired； 〃and； on which
you seem to lay so much stress？〃
〃That 'yes' has been my bane and antidote；〃 answered Tom； rallying for
a new and still more desperate charge。 〃When first pronounced by your
rubicund lips； it thrilled on my amazed senses like a beacon of light〃
〃Mr。 ThurstonMr。 Thurstonwhat DO you mean？〃
〃Ah； d…n it；〃 thought Tom； 〃I should have said HUMID light'how the
deuce did I come to forget that wordit would have rounded the
sentence beautifully。〃
〃What do I mean； angel of 'humid light；'〃 answered Tom； aloud； 〃I mean
all I say； and lots of feeling besides。 When the heart is anguished with
unutterable emotion； it speaks in accents that deaden all the nerves； and
thrill the ears。〃 Tom was getting to be animated； and when that was the
case； his ideas flowed like a torrent after a thunder…shower； or in
volumes； and a little muddily。 〃What do I mean； indeed； I mean to have
YOU；〃 he THOUGHT； 〃and at least； eighty thousand dollars； or
dictionaries； Webster's inclusive； were made in vain。〃
〃This is very extraordinary； Mr。 Thurston；〃 rejoined Julia； whose sense
of womanly propriety began to take the alarm； 〃and I must insist on an
explanation。 Your language would seem to inferreally； I do not know；
what it does NOT seem to infer。 Will you have the goodness to explain
what you mean by that 'yes？'〃
〃Simply； loveliest and most benign of your sex； that once already； in
answer to a demand of your hand； you deigned to reply with that
energetic and encouraging monosyllable； yesdear and categorical
affirmative〃 exclaimed Tom； going off again at half…cock； highly
impressed with the notion that rhapsody； instead of music； was the food
of love〃Yes； dear and categorical affirmative； with what ecstasy did
not my drowsy ears drink in the melodious soundswhat extravagance
of delight my throbbing heart echo its notes； on the wings of the unseen
windsin short； what considerable satisfaction your consent gave my
pulsating mind！〃
〃Consent！Consent is a strong WORD； Mr。 Thurston！〃
〃It is； indeed； adorable Julia； and it is also a strong THING。 I've known
terrible consequences arise from the denial of a consent； not half as
explicit as your own。〃
〃Consequences！may I ask； sir； to what consequences you allude？〃
〃The consequences； Miss Monsonthat is； the consequences of a
violated troth； I meanthey may be divided into three parts〃 here；
Tom got up； brushed his knees； each in succession； with his pocket…
handkerchief； and began to count on his fingers； like a lawyer who is
summing up an argument〃Yes； Miss Julia； into three parts。 First come
the pangs of unrequited love； on these I propose to enlarge presently。
Next come the legal effects； always supposing that the wronged party
can summon heart enough to carry on a suit； with bruised affections〃
〃hang it；〃 thought Tom； 〃why did I not think of that word 'bruised' while
on my knees； it would tell like a stiletto〃 〃Yes； Miss Julia； if 'bruised
affections' would permit the soul to descend to such preliminaries。 The
last consequence is； the despair of hope deferred。〃
〃All this is so extraordinary； Mr。 Thurston； that I insist on knowing why
you have presumed to address such language to meyes； sir； INSIST
on knowing your reason。〃
Tom was dumbfounded。 Now； that he was up； and looking about him；
he had an opportunity of perceiving that his mistress was offended； and
that he had somewhat overdone the sublime； poetical and affecting。
With a sudden revulsion of feeling and tactics； he determined to throw
himself； at once； into the penitent and candid。
〃Ah； Miss Monson；〃 he cried； somewhat more naturally〃I see I have
offended and alarmed you。 But； impute it all to love。 The strength of my
passion is such； that I became desperate； and was resolved to try any
expedient that I thought might lead to success。〃
〃That might be pardoned； sir； were it not for the extraordinary character
of the expedient。 Surely； you have never seen in me any taste for the
very extraordinary images and figures of speech you have used； on this
occasion。〃
〃This handkerchief；〃said Tom； taking me from the sofa〃this
handkerchief must bear all the blame。 But for this； I should not have
dreamt of running so much on the high…pressure principle； but love； you
know； Miss Julia； is a calculation； like any other great event of life； and
must be carried on consistently。〃
〃And； pray； sir； how can that handkerchief have brought about any such
result？〃
〃Ah！ Miss Monson； you ask me to use a most killing frankness！ Had we
not better remain under the influence of the poetical star？〃
〃If you wish to ensure my respect； or esteem； Mr。 Thurston； it is
necessary to deal with me in perfect sincerity。 Nothing but truth will ever
be pleasing to me。〃
〃Hang it；〃 THOUGHT Tom； again； 〃who knows？ She is whimsical； and
may really like to have the truth。 It's quite clear her heart is as insensible
to eloquence and poetry； as a Potter's Field wall； and it might answer to
try her with a little truth。 Your 80；000 girls get SUCH notions in their
heads； that there's no analogy； as one might say； between them and the
rest of the species。 Miss Julia；〃 continuing aloud； 〃my nature is all plain…
dealing； and I am delighted to find a congenial spirit。 You must have
observed something very peculiar in my language； at the commencement
of this exceedingly interesting dialogue？〃
〃I will not deny it； Mr。 Thurston； your language was； to say the least；
VERY peculiar。〃
〃Lucid； but ambiguous； pathetic； but amusing； poetical； but
comprehensive； prosaical； but full of emphasis。 That's my nature。 Plain…
dealing； too； is my nature； and I adore the same quality in others； most
especially in those I could wish to marry。〃
〃Does this wish； then； extend to the plural number？〃 asked Julia； smiling
a little maliciously。
〃Certainly； when the heart is devoted to virtuous intentions； it wishes for
a union with virtue； where…ever it is to be found。 Competence and virtue
are my mottoes； Miss Julia。〃
〃This shows that you are； in truth； a lover of plain…dealing； Mr。
Thurstonand now； as to the handkerchief？〃
〃Why； Miss Julia； perceiving that you are sincere； I shall be equally
frank。 You own this handkerchief？〃
〃Certainly； sir。 I should hardly use an article of dress that is the property
of another。〃
〃Independent； and the fruit of independence。 Well； Miss Monson； it
struck me that the mistress of such a handkerchief MUST like poetry
that is； flights of the imaginationthat is； eloquence and pathos； as it
might be engrafted on passion and sentiment。〃
〃I believe I understand you； sir； you wish to say that common sense
seemed misapplied to the owner of such a handkerchief。〃
〃Far from that； adorable young lady； but； that poetry； and eloquence；
and flights of imagination； seem well applied。 A very simple calculation
will demonstrate what I mean。 But； possibly； you do not wish to hear
the calculationladies； generally； dislike figures？〃
〃I am an exception； Mr。 Thurston； I beg you will lay the whole matter
before me； therefore； without reserve。〃
〃It is simply this； ma'am。 This handkerchief cost every cent of 100〃
〃One hundred and twenty…five；〃 said Julia quickly。
〃Bless me；〃 THOUGHT Tom； 〃what a rich old d…l her father must be。
I will not give her up； and as poetry and sentiment do not seem to be
favorites； here goes for franknesssome women are furious fo