that — about two seconds after someone actually bit me and the venom started burning through my veins — I
really wouldn’t care anymore who had done it。 So it shouldn’t make a difference。
It was hard to define； even to myself； why it mattered。 There was just something about him being the one
to make the choice — to want to keep me enough that he wouldn’t just allow me to be changed； he would act
to keep me。 It was childish； but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel。 Even
more embarrassingly； something I would never say aloud； I wanted his venom to poison my system。 It would
make me belong to him in a tangible； quantifiable way。
But I knew he was going to stick to his marriage scheme like glue — because a delay was what he was
clearly after and it was working so far。 I tried to imagine telling my parents that I was getting married this
summer。 Telling Angela and Ben and Mike。 I couldn’t。 I couldn’t think of the words to say。 It would be easier
to tell them I was becoming a vampire。 And I was sure that at least my mother — were I to tell her every
detail of the truth — would be more strenuously opposed to me getting married than to me a becoming
vampire。 I grimaced to myself as I imagined her horrified expression。
Then； for just a second； I saw that same odd vision of Edward and me on a porch swing； wearing clothes
from another kind of world。 A world where it would surprise no one if I wore his ring on my finger。 A simpler
place； where love was defined in simpler ways。 One plus one equals two。 。 。 。
Jacob snorted and rolled to his side。 His arm swung off the back of the couch and pinned me against his
body。
Holy crow； but he was heavy！ And hot。 It was sweltering after just a few seconds。
I tried to slide out from under his arm without waking him； but I had to shove a little bit； and when his arm
fell off me； his eyes snapped open。 He jumped to his feet； looking around anxiously。
“What？ What？” he asked； disoriented。
“It’s just me； Jake。 Sorry I woke you。”
He turned to look at me； blinking and confused。 “Bella？”
“Hey； sleepy。”
“Oh； man！ Did I fall asleep？ I’m sorry！ How long was I out？”
“A few Emerils。 I lost count。”
He flopped back on the couch next to me。 “Wow。 Sorry about that； really。”
I patted his hair； trying to smooth the wild disarray。 “Don’t feel bad。 I’m glad you got some sleep。”
He yawned and stretched。 “I’m useless these days。 No wonder Billy’s always gone。 I’m so boring。”
“You’re fine；” I assured him。
“Ugh； let’s go outside。 I need to walk around or I’ll pass out again。”
“Jake； go back to sleep。 I’m good。 I’ll call Edward to come pick me up。” I patted my pockets as I spoke；
and realized they were empty。 “Shoot； I’ll have to borrow your phone。 I think I must have left his in the car。” I
started to unfold myself。
“No！” Jacob insisted； grabbing my hand。 “No； stay。 You hardly ever make it down。 I can’t believe I
wasted all this time。”
He pulled me off the couch as he spoke； and then led the way outside； ducking his head as he passed
under the doorframe。 It had gotten much cooler while Jacob slept； the air was unseasonably cold — there
must be a storm on the way。 It felt like February； not May。
The wintry air seemed to make Jacob more alert。 He paced back and forth in front of the house for a
minute； dragging me along with him。
“I’m an idiot；” he muttered to himself。
“What’s the matter； Jake？ So you fell asleep。” I shrugged。
“I wanted to talk to you。 I can’t believe this。”
“Talk to me now；” I said。
Jacob met my eyes for a second； and then looked away quickly toward the trees。 It almost looked like he
was blushing； but it was hard to tell with his dark skin。
I suddenly remembered what Edward had said when he dropped me off — that Jacob would tell me
whatever he was shouting in his head。 I started gnawing on my lip。
“Look；” Jacob said。 “I was planning to do this a little bit differently。” He laughed； and it sounded like he
was laughing at himself。 “Smoother；” he added。 “I was going to work up to it； but” — and he looked at the
clouds； dimmer as the afternoon progressed — “I’m out of time to work。”
He laughed again； nervous。 We were still pacing slowly。
“What are you talking about？” I demanded。
He took a deep breath。 “I want to tell you something。 And you already know it 。 。 。 but I think I should say
it out loud anyway。 Just so there’s never any confusion on the subject。”
I planted my feet； and he came to a stop。 I took my hand away and folded my arms across my chest。 I
was suddenly sure that I didn’t want to know what he was building up to。
Jacob’s eyebrows pulled down； throwing his deep…set eyes into shadow。 They were pitch black as they
bored into mine。
“I’m in love with you； Bella；” Jacob said in a strong； sure voice。 “Bella； I love you。 And I want you to pick
me instead of him。 I know you don’t feel that way； but I need the truth out there so that you know your
options。 I wouldn’t want a miscommunication to stand in our way。”
15。 WAGER
I STARED AT HIM FOR A LONG MINUTE； SPEECHLESS。 I could not think of one thing to say to him。
As he watched my dumbfounded expression； the seriousness left his face。
“Okay；” he said； grinning。 “That’s all。”
“Jake —” It felt like there was something big sticking in my throat。 I tried to clear the obstruction。 “I can’t
— I mean I don’t 。 。 。 I have to go。”
I turned； but he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around。
“No； wait。 I know that； Bella。 But； look； answer me this； all right？ Do you want me to go away and never
see you again？ Be honest。”
It was hard to concentrate on his question； so it took a minute to answer。 “No； I don’t want that；” I finally
admitted。
Jacob grinned again。 “See。”
“But I don’t want you around for the same reason that you want me around；” I objected。
“Tell me exactly why you want me around； then。”
I thought carefully。 “I miss you when you’re not there。 When you’re happy；” I qualified carefully； “it makes
me happy。 But I could say the same thing about Charlie； Jacob。 You’re family。 I love you； but I’m not in love
with you。”
He nodded； unruffled。 “But you do want me around。”
“Yes。” I sighed。 He was impossible to discourage。
“Then I’ll stick around。”
“You’re a glutton for punishment；” I grumbled。
“Yep。” He stroked the tips of his fingers across my right cheek。 I slapped his hand away。
“Do you think you could behave yourself a little better； at least？” I asked； irritated。
“No； I don’t。 You decide； Bella。 You can have me the way I am — bad behavior included — or not at
all。”
I stared at him； frustrated。 “That’s mean。”
“So are you。”
That pulled me up short； and I took an involuntary step back。 He was right。 If I wasn’t mean — and
greedy； too — I would tell him I didn’t want to be friends and walk away。 It was wrong to try to keep my
friend when that would hurt him。 I didn’t know what I was doing here； but I was suddenly sure that it wasn’t
good。
“You’re right；” I whispered。
He laughed。 “I forgive you。 Just try not to get too mad at me。 Because I recently decided that I’m not
giving up。 There really is something irresistible about a lost cause。”
“Jacob。” I stared into his dark eyes； trying to make him take me seriously。 “I love him； Jacob。 He’s my
whole life。”
“You love me； too；” he reminded me。 He held up his hand when I started to protest。 “Not the same way； I
know。 But he’s not your whole life； either。 Not anymore。 Maybe he was once； but he left。 And now he’s just
going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice — me。”
I shook my head。 “You’re impossible。”
Suddenly； he was serious。 He took my chin in his hand； holding it firmly so that I couldn’t look away from
his intent gaze。
“Until your heart stops beating； Bella；” he said。 “I’ll be here — fighting。 Don’t forget that you have
options。”
“I don’t want options；” I disagreed； trying to yank my chin free unsuccessfully。 “And my heartbeats are
numbered； Jacob。 The time is almost gone。”
His eyes narrowed。 “All the more reason to fight — fight harder now； while I can；” he whispered。
He still had my chin — his fingers holding too tight； till it hurt — and I saw the resolve form abruptly in his
eyes。
“N —” I started to object； but it was too late。
His lips crushed mine； stopping my protest。 He kissed me angrily； roughly； his other hand gripping tight
around the back of my neck； making escape impossible。 I shoved against his chest with all my strength； but he
didn’t even seem to notice。 His mouth was soft； despite the anger； his lips molding to mine in a warm；
unfamiliar way。
I grabbed at his face； trying to push it away； failing again。 He seemed to notice this time； though； and it
aggravated him。 His lips forced mine open； and I could feel his hot breath in my mouth。
Acting on instinct； I let my hands drop to my side； and shut down。 I opened my eyes and didn’t fight；
didn’t feel 。 。 。 just waited for him to stop。
It worked。 The anger seemed to evaporate； and he pulled back to look at me。 He pressed his lips softly to
mine again； once； twice 。 。 。 a third time。 I pretended I was a statue and waited。
Finally； he let go of my face and leaned away。
“Are you done now？” I asked in an expressionless voice。
“Yes；” he sighed。 He started to smile； closing his eyes。
I pulled my arm back and then let it snap forward； punching him in the mouth with as much power as I
could force out of my body。
There was a crunching sound。
“Ow！ OW！” I screamed； frantically hopping up and down in agony while I clutched my hand to m