the sincerity of her words。 The lover who is not everything is
nothing。 I loved with the desire of a love that knows what it seeks；
which feeds in advance on coming transports； and is content with the
pleasures of the soul because it mingles with them others which the
future keeps in store。 If Henriette loved； it was certain that she
knew neither the pleasures of love nor its tumults。 She lived by
feelings only； like a saint with God。 I was the object on which her
thoughts fastened as bees swarm upon the branch of a flowering tree。
In my mad jealousy I reproached myself that I had dared nothing； that
I had not tightened the bonds of a tenderness which seemed to me at
that moment more subtile than real； by the chains of positive
possession。
The count's illness； caused perhaps by a chill under the walnut…tree；
became alarming in a few hours。 I went to Tours for a famous doctor
named Origet； but was unable to find him until evening。 He spent that
night and the next day at Clochegourde。 We had sent the huntsman in
quest of leeches； but the doctor； thinking the case urgent； wished to
bleed the count immediately； but had brought no lancet with him。 I at
once started for Azay in the midst of a storm； roused a surgeon；
Monsieur Deslandes； and compelled him to come with the utmost celerity
to Clochegourde。 Ten minutes later and the count would have died； the
bleeding saved him。 But in spite of this preliminary success the
doctor predicted an inflammatory fever of the worst kind。 The countess
was overcome by the fear that she was the secret cause of this crisis。
Two weak to thank me for my exertions； she merely gave me a few
smiles； the equivalent of the kiss she had once laid upon my hand。
Fain would I have seen in those haggard smiles the remorse of illicit
love； but no； they were only the act of contrition of an innocent
repentance； painful to see in one so pure； the expression of admiring
tenderness for me whom she regarded as noble while reproaching herself
for an imaginary wrong。 Surely she loved as Laura loved Petrarch； and
not as Francesca da Rimini loved Paolo；a terrible discovery for him
who had dreamed the union of the two loves。
The countess half lay； her body bent forwards； her arms hanging； in a
soiled armchair in a room that was like the lair of a wild boar。 The
next evening before the doctor departed he said to the countess； who
had sat up the night before； that she must get a nurse； as the illness
would be a long one。
〃A nurse！〃 she said； 〃no； no！ We will take care of him；〃 she added；
looking at me； 〃we owe it to ourselves to save him。〃
The doctor gave us both an observing look full of astonishment。 The
words were of a nature to make him suspect an atonement。 He promised
to come twice a week； left directions for the treatment with Monsieur
Deslandes； and pointed out the threatening symptoms that might oblige
us to send for him。 I asked the countess to let me sit up the
alternate nights and then； not without difficulty； I persuaded her to
go to bed on the third night。 When the house was still and the count
sleeping I heard a groan from Henriette's room。 My anxiety was so keen
that I went to her。 She was kneeling before the crucifix bathed in
tears。 〃My God！〃 she cried； 〃if this be the cost of a murmur； I will
never complain again。〃
〃You have left him！〃 she said on seeing me。
〃I heard you moaning； and I was frightened。〃
〃Oh； I！〃 she said； 〃I am well。〃
Wishing to be certain that Monsieur de Mortsauf was asleep she came
down with me； by the light of the lamp we looked at him。 The count was
weakened by the loss of blood and was more drowsy than asleep； his
hands picked the counterpane and tried to draw it over him。
〃They say the dying do that；〃 she whispered。 〃Ah！ if he were to die of
this illness； that I have caused； never will I marry again； I swear
it；〃 she said； stretching her hand over his head with a solemn
gesture。
〃I have done all I could to save him；〃 I said。
〃Oh； you！〃 she said； 〃you are good； it is I who am guilty。〃
She stooped to that discolored brow； wiped the perspiration from it
and laid a kiss there solemnly； but I saw； not without joy； that she
did it as an expiation。
〃Blanche； I am thirsty；〃 said the count in a feeble voice。
〃You see he knows me；〃 she said giving him to drink。
Her accent； her affectionate manner to him seemed to me to take the
feelings that bound us together and immolate them to the sick man。
〃Henriette；〃 I said； 〃go and rest； I entreat you。〃
〃No more Henriette；〃 she said； interrupting me with imperious haste。
〃Go to bed if you would not be ill。 Your children； HE HIMSELF would
order you to be careful； it is a case where selfishness becomes a
virtue。〃
〃Yes；〃 she said。
She went away； recommending her husband to my care by a gesture which
would have seemed like approaching delirium if childlike grace had not
been mingled with the supplicating forces of repentance。 But the scene
was terrible； judged by the habitual state of that pure soul； it
alarmed me； I feared the exaltation of her conscience。 When the doctor
came again； I revealed to him the nature of my pure Henriette's self…
reproach。 This confidence； made discreetly； removed Monsieur Origet's
suspicions； and enabled him to quiet the distress of that noble soul
by telling her that in any case the count had to pass through this
crisis； and that as for the nut…tree； his remaining there had done
more good than harm by developing the disease。
For fifty…two days the count hovered between life and death。 Henriette
and I each watched twenty…six nights。 Undoubtedly； Monsieur de
Mortsauf owed his life to our nursing and to the careful exactitude
with which we carried out the orders of Monsieur Origet。 Like all
philosophical physicians； whose sagacious observation of what passes
before them justifies many a doubt of noble actions when they are only
the accomplishment of a duty； this man； while assisting the countess
and me in our rivalry of devotion； could not help watching us； with
scrutinizing glances； so afraid was he of being deceived in his
admiration。
〃In diseases of this nature；〃 he said to me at his third visit； 〃death
has a powerful auxiliary in the moral nature when that is seriously
disturbed； as it is in this case。 The doctor； the family； the nurses
hold the patient's life in their hands； sometimes a single word； a
fear expressed by a gesture； has the effect of poison。〃
As he spoke Origet studied my face and expression； but he saw in my
eyes the clear look of an honest soul。 In fact during the whole course
of this distressing illness there never passed through my mind a
single one of the involuntary evil thoughts which do sometimes sear
the consciences of the innocent。 To those who study nature in its
grandeur as a whole all tends to unity through assimilation。 The moral
world must undoubtedly be ruled by an analogous principle。 In an pure
sphere all is pure。 The atmosphere of heaven was around my Henriette；
it seemed as though an evil desire must forever part me from her。 Thus
she not only stood for happiness； but for virtue； she WAS virtue。
Finding us always equally careful and attentive； the doctor's words
and manners took a tone of respect and even pity； he seemed to say to
himself； 〃Here are the real sufferers； they hide their ills； and
forget them。〃 By a fortunate change； which； according to our excellent
doctor； is common enough in men who are completely shattered； Monsieur
de Mortsauf was patient； obedient； complained little； and showed
surprising docility；he； who when well never did the simplest thing
without discussion。 The secret of this submission to medical care；
which he formerly so derided； was an innate dread of death； another
contradiction in a man of tried courage。 This dread may perhaps
explain several other peculiarities in the character which the cruel
years of exile had developed。
Shall I admit to you； Natalie； and will you believe me？ these fifty
days and the month that followed them were the happiest moments of my
life。 Love； in the celestial spaces of the soul is like a noble river
flowing through a valley； the rains； the brooks； the torrents hie to
it； the trees fall upon its surface； so do the flowers； the gravel of
its shores； the rocks of the summits； storms and the loitering tribute
of the crystal streams alike increase it。 Yes； when love comes all
comes to love！
The first great danger over； the countess and I grew accustomed to
illness。 In spite of the confusion which the care of the sick entails；
the count's room； once so untidy； was now clean and inviting。 Soon we
were like two beings flung upon a desert island； for not only do
anxieties isolate； but they brush aside as petty the conventions of
the world。 The welfare of the sick man obliged us to have points of
contact which no other circumstances would have authorized。 Many a
time our hands； shy or timid formerly； met in some service that we
rendered to the countwas I not there to sustain and help my
Henriette？ Absorbed in a duty comparable to that of a soldier at the
pickets； she forgot to eat； then I served her； sometimes on her lap； a
hasty meal which necessitated a thousand little attentions。 We were
like children at a grave。 She would order me sharply to prepare
whatever might ease the sick man's suffering； she employed me in a
hundred petty ways。 During the time when actual danger obscured； as it
does during the battle； the subtile distinctions which characterize
the facts of ordinary life； she necessarily laid aside the reserve
which all women； even the most unconventional； preserve in their looks
and words and actions before the world or their own family。 At the
first chirping of the birds she would come to relieve my watch；
wearing a morning garment which revealed to me once more the dazzling
treasures that in my folly I had treated as my own。 Always dignified；
nay imposing； she could still be familiar。
Thus it came to pass that we found ourselves unconsciously intimate；
half…married as it were。 She showed herself nobly confiding； as sure
of me as she was of herself。 I was thus taken deeper and deeper into
her heart。 The countess became once more my Hen