earth what Dolly was to me。
Dear； dear； to think how much time we passed alone together
afterwards； and how often I repeated to the doll the story of my
birthday； and confided to her that I would try； as hard as ever I
could； to repair the fault I had been born with （of which I
confessedly felt guilty and yet innocent）； and would strive as I
grew up to be industrious； contented and kind…hearted； and to do
some good to some one； and win some love to myself if I could。 I
hope it is not self…indulgent to shed these tears as I think of it。 I am
very thankful； I am cheerful； but I cannot quite help their coming
to my eyes。
There！ I have wiped them away now； and can go on again
properly。
I felt the distance between my godmother and myself so much
more after the birthday； and felt so sensible of filling a place in her
house which ought to have been empty； that I found her more
difficult of approach； though I was fervently grateful to her in my
heart； than ever。 I felt in the same way towards my school
companions； I felt in the same way towards Mrs Rachael； who was
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a widow； and O； towards her daughter； of whom she was proud；
who came to see her once a fortnight！ I was very retired and quiet；
and tried to be very diligent。
One sunny afternoon； when I had come home from school with
my books and portfolio； watching my long shadow at my side； and
as I was gliding upstairs to my room as usual； my godmother
looked out of the parlour door； and called me back。 Sitting with
her； I found—which was very unusual indeed—a stranger。 A
portly important…looking gentleman； dressed all in black； with a
white cravat； large gold watch seals； a pair of gold eyeglasses； and
a large seal…ring upon his little finger。
“This；” said my godmother in an under tone； “is the child。”
Then she said； in her naturally stern way of speaking； “This is
Esther； sir。”
The gentleman put up his eyeglasses to look at me； and said；
“Come here； my dear！” He shook hands with me； and asked me to
take off my bonnet—looking at me all the while。 When I had
complied； he said； “Ah！” and afterwards “Yes！” And then； taking
off his eyeglasses； and folding them in a red case； and leaning back
in his armchair； turning the case about in his two hands he gave
my godmother a nod。 Upon that； my godmother said； “You may go
upstairs； Esther！” and I made him my curtsey and left him。
It must have been two years afterwards； and I was almost
fourteen； when one dreadful night my godmother and I sat at the
fireside。 I was reading aloud； and she was listening。 I had come
down at nine o’clock； as I always did； to read the Bible to her； and
was reading； from St。 John； how our Saviour stooped down；
writing with his finger in the dust； when they brought the sinful
woman to him。
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“‘So； when they continued asking him； he lifted up himself and
said unto them； He that is without sin among you； let him first cast
a stone at her！’”
I was stopped by my godmother’s rising； putting her hand to
her head； and crying out； in an awful voice； from quite another
part of the book：
“‘Watch ye therefore！ lest coming suddenly he find you
sleeping。 And what I say unto you； I say unto all； Watch！’” In an
instant； while she stood before me repeating these words； she fell
down on the floor。 I had no need to cry out； her voice had sounded
through the house； and been heard in the street。
She was laid upon her bed。 For more than a week she lay there；
little altered outwardly； with her old handsome resolute frown that
I so well knew； carved upon her face。 Many and many a time； in
the day and in the night； with my head upon the pillow by her that
my whispers might be plainer to her； I kissed her； thanked her；
prayed for her； asked her for her blessing and forgiveness；
entreated her to give me the least sign that she knew or heard me。
No； no； no。 Her face was immoveable。 To the very last； and even
afterwards； her frown remained unsoftened。
On the day after my poor good godmother was buried； the
gentleman in black with the white neckcloth reappeared。 I was
sent for by Mrs Rachael； and found him in the same place； as if he
had never gone away。
“My name is Kenge；” he said； “you may remember it； my child；
Kenge and Carboy； Lincoln’s Inn。”
I replied that I remembered to have seen him once before。
“Pray be seated—here near me。 Don’t distress yourself； it’s of
no use。 Mrs Rachael； I needn’t inform you who were acquainted
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with the late Miss Barbary’s affairs； that her means die with her；
and that this young lady； now her aunt is dead—”
“My aunt； sir！”
“It really is of no use carrying on a deception； when no object is
to be gained by it；” said Mr Kenge； smoothly。 “Aunt in fact； though
not in law。 Don’t distress yourself！ Don’t weep！ Don’t tremble！ Mrs
Rachael； our young friend has no doubt heard of—the—a—
Jarndyce and Jarndyce。”
“Never；” said Mrs Rachael。
“Is it possible；” pursued Mr Kenge； putting up his eyeglasses；
“that our young friend—I beg you won’t distress yourself！—never
heard of Jarndyce and Jarndyce！”
I shook my head； wondering even what it was。
“Not of Jarndyce and Jarndyce！” said Mr Kenge； looking over
his glasses； at me； and softly turning the case about and about； as
if he were petting something。 “Not of one of the greatest Chancery
suits known？ Not of Jarndyce and Jarndyce—the—a—in itself a
monument of Chancery practice？ In which （I would say） every
difficulty； every contingency； every masterly fiction； every form of
procedure known in that court； is represented over and over
again？ It is a cause that could not exist； out of this free and great
country。 I should say that the aggregate of costs in Jarndyce and
Jarndyce； Mrs Rachael；” I was afraid he addressed himself to her；
because I appeared inattentive； “amounts at the present hour to
from SIX…TY TO SEVEN…TY THOUSAND POUNDS！” said Mr
Kenge； leaning back in his chair。
I felt very ignorant； but what could I do？ I was so entirely
unacquainted with the subject； that I understood nothing about it
even then。
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“And she really never heard of the cause！” said Mr Kenge。
“Surprising！”
“Miss Barbary； sir；” returned Mrs Rachael； “who is now among
the seraphim—“
（“I hope so； I am sure；” said Mr Kenge politely。）
“—Wished Esther only to know what would be serviceable to
her。 And she knows； from any teaching she has had here； nothing
more。”
“Well！” said Mr Kenge。 “Upon the whole very proper。 Now to
the point；” addressing me。 “Miss Barbary； your sole relation （in
fact； that is； for I am bound to observe that in law you had none）；
being deceased； and it naturally not being to be expected that Mrs
Rachael—”
“Oh dear no！” said Mrs Rachael； quickly。
“Quite so；” assented Mr Kenge；—“that Mrs Rachael should
charge herself with your maintenance and support （I beg you
won’t distress yourself）； you are in a position to receive the
renewal of an offer which I was instructed to make to Miss
Barbary some two years ago； and which； though rejected then； was
understood to be renewable under the lamentable circumstances
that have since occurred。 Now； if I avow； that I represent； in
Jarndyce and Jarndyce； and otherwise； a highly humane； but at
the same time singular man； shall I compromise myself by any
stretch of my professional caution？” said Mr Kenge； leaning back
in his chair again； and looking calmly at us both。
He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own
voice。 I couldn’t wonder at that； for it was mellow and full； and
gave great importance to every word he uttered。 He listened to
himself with obvious satisfaction； and sometimes gently beat time
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