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Bagnet； observing his companion to be thoughtful； considers it a
friendly part to refer to Mrs Bagnet’s late sally。
“George； you know the old girl—she’s as sweet and as mild as
milk。 But touch her on the children—or myself—and she’s off like
gunpowder。”
“It does her credit； Mat！”
“George；” says Mr Bagnet； looking straight before him； “the old
girl—can’t do anything—that don’t do her credit。 More or less。 I
never say so。 Discipline must be maintained。”
“She’s worth her weight in gold；” returns the trooper。
“In gold？” says Mr Bagnet。 “I’ll tell you what。 The old girl’s
weight—is twelve stone six。 Would I take that weight—in any
metal—for the old girl？ No。 Why not？ Because the old girl’s metal
is far more precious—than the preciousest metal。 And she’s all
metal！”
“You are right； Mat！”
“When she took me—and accepted of the ring—she ‘listed
under me and the children—heart and head； for life。 She’s that
earnest；” says Mr Bagnet； “and true to her colours—that； touch us
with a finger—and she turns out—and stands to her arms。 If the
old girl fires wide—once in a way—at the call of duty—look over it；
George。 For she’s loyal！”
“Why bless her； Mat！” returns the trooper； “I think the higher
of her for it！”
“You are right！” says Mr Bagnet； with the warmest enthusiasm；
though without relaxing the rigidity of a single muscle。 “Think as
high of the old girl—as the rock of Gibraltar—and still you’ll be
thinking low—of such merits。 But I never own to it before her。
Discipline must be maintained。”
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Bleak House 661
These encomiums bring them to Mount Pleasant； and to
Grandfather Smallweed’s house。 The door is opened by the
perennial Judy； who； having surveyed them from top to toe with
no particular favour； but indeed with a malignant sneer； leaves
them standing there； while she consults the oracle as to their
admission。 The oracle may be inferred to give consent； from the
circumstance of her returning with the words on her honey lips
“that they can come in if they want to it。” Thus privileged they
come in； and find Mr Smallweed with his feet in the drawer of his
chair as if it were a paper footbath； and Mrs Smallweed obscured
with the cushion like a bird that is not to sing。
“My dear friend；” says Grandfather Smallweed； with those two
lean affectionate arms of his stretched forth。 “How de do？ How de
do？ Who is our friend； my dear friend？”
“Why this；” returns George； not able to be very conciliatory at
first； “is Matthew Bagnet； who has obliged me in that matter of
ours； you know。”
“Oh！ Mr Bagnet？ Surely！” the old man looks at him under his
hand。 “Hope you’re well； Mr Bagnet？ Fine man； Mr George！
Military air； sir！”
No chairs being offered； Mr George brings one forward for
Bagnet； and one for himself。 They sit down； Mr Bagnet as if he
had no power of bending himself； except at the hips for that
purpose。
“Judy；” says Mr Smallweed； “bring the pipe。”
“Why； I don’t know；” Mr George interposes； “that the young
woman need give herself that trouble； for to tell you the truth； I am
not inclined to smoke it today。”
“Ain’t you？” returns the old man。 “Judy； bring the pipe。”
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Bleak House 662
“The fact is； Mr Smallweed；” proceeds George； “that I find
myself in rather an unpleasant state of mind。 It appears to me； sir；
that your friend in the city has been playing tricks。”
“O dear no！” says Grandfather Smallweed。 “He never does
that！”
“Don’t he？ Well； I am glad to hear it； because I thought it might
be his doing。 This； you know； I am speaking of。 This letter。”
Grandfather Smallweed smiles in a very ugly way； in
recognition of the letter。
“What does it mean？” asks Mr George。
“Judy；” says the old man； “have you got the pipe？ Give it to me。
Did you say what does it mean； my good friend？”
“Aye！ Now； come； come； you know； Mr Smallweed；” urges the
trooper； constraining himself to speak as smoothly and
confidentially as he can； holding the open letter in one hand； and
resting the broad knuckles of the other on his thigh； “a good lot of
money has passed between us； and we are face to face at the
present moment； and are both well aware of the understanding
there has always been。 I am prepared to do the usual thing which I
have done regularly； and to keep this matter going。 I never got a
letter like this from you before； and I have been a little put about
by it this morning； because here’s my friend Matthew Bagnet；
who； you know； had none of the money—”
“I don’t know it； you know；” says the old man； quietly。
“Why； confound you—it； I mean—I tell you so； don’t I？”
“Oh； yes； you tell me so；” returns Grandfather Smallweed。 “But
I don’t know it。”
“Well！” says the trooper； swallowing his fire。 “I know it。”
Mr Smallweed replies with excellent temper； “Ah！ that’s quite
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Bleak House 663
another thing！” And adds； “but it don’t matter。 Mr Bagnet’s
situation is all one； whether or no。”
The unfortunate George makes a great effort to arrange the
affair comfortably； and to propitiate Mr Smallweed by taking him
upon his own terms。
“That’s just what I mean。 As you say； Mr Smallweed； here’s
Matthew Bagnet liable to be fixed whether or no。 Now； you see；
that makes his good lady very uneasy in her mind； and me too； for；
whereas I’m a harum…scarum sort of a good…for…nought； that more
kicks than halfpence come natural to； why he’s a steady family
man； don’t you see？ Now； Mr Smallweed；” says the trooper；
gaining confidence as he proceeds in this soldierly mode of doing
business； “although you and I are good friends enough in a certain
sort of a way； I am well aware that I can’t ask you to let my friend
Bagnet off entirely。”
“O dear； you are too modest。 You can ask me anything； Mr
George。” （There is an Ogreish kind of jocularity in Grandfather
Smallweed today。） “And you can refuse； you mean； eh？ Or not you
so much； perhaps； as your friend in the city？ Ha ha ha！”
“Ha ha ha！” echoes Grandfather Smallweed。 In such a very
hard manner； and with eyes so particularly green； that Mr
Bagnet’s natural gravity is much deepened by the contemplation
of that venerable man。
“Come！” says the sanguine George； “I am glad to find we can be
pleasant； because I want to arrange this pleasantly。 Here’s my
friend Bagnet； and here am I。 We’ll settle the matter on the spot； if
you please； Mr Smallweed； in the usual way。 And you’ll ease my
friend Bagnet’s mind； and his family’s mind； a good deal； if you’ll
just mention to him what our understanding is。”
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Bleak House 664
Here some shrill spectre cries out in a mocking manner； “O
good gracious！ O！”—unless； indeed； it be the sportive Judy； who is
found to be silent when the startled visitors look round； but whose
chin has received a recent toss； expressive of derision and
contempt。 Mr Bagnet’s gravity becomes yet more profound。
“But I think you asked me； Mr George；” old Smallweed； who all
this time had the pipe in his hand； is the speaker now； “I think you
asked me； what did the letter mean？”
“Why； yes； I did；” returns the trooper； in his offhand way： “but I
don’t care to know particularly； if it’s all correct and pleasant。”
Mr Smallweed； purposely balking himself in an aim at the
trooper’s head； throws the pipe on the ground and breaks it to
pieces。
“That’s what it means； my dear friend。 I’ll smash you。 I’ll
crumble you。 I’ll powder you。 Go to the devil！”
The two friends rise and look at one another。 Mr Bagnet’s
gravity has now attained its profoundest point。
“Go to the devil！” repeats the old man。 “I’ll have no more of
your pipe…smoking and swaggerings。
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