sketches new and old- 第34部分

〃You　begin　to　comprehendyou　begin　to　see　how　it　is。　　While　our
descendants　are　living　sumptuously　on　our　money；　right　around　us　in　the
city；　we　have　to　fight　hard　to　keep　skull　and　bones　together。　　Bless　you；
there　isn't　a　grave　in　our　cemetery　that　doesn't　leak　not　one。　　Every
time　it　rains　in　the　night　we　have　to　climb　out　and　roost　in　the　trees
and　sometimes　we　are　wakened　suddenly　by　the　chilly　water　trickling　down
the　back　of　our　necks。　　Then　I　tell　you　there　is　a　general　heaving　up　of
old　graves　and　kicking　over　of　old　monuments；　and　scampering　of　old
skeletons　for　the　trees！　　Bless　me；　if　you　had　gone　along　there　some　such
nights　after　twelve　you　might　have　seen　as　many　as　fifteen　of　us　roosting
on　one　limb；　with　our　joints　rattling　drearily　and　the　wind　wheezing
through　our　ribs！　　Many　a　time　we　have　perched　there　for　three　or　four
dreary　hours；　and　then　come　down；　stiff　and　chilled　through　and　drowsy；
and　borrowed　each　other's　skulls　to　bail　out　our　graves　withif　you　will
glance　up　in　my　mouth　now　as　I　tilt　my　head　back；　you　can　see　that　my
head…piece　is　half　full　of　old　dry　sediment　how　top…heavy　and　stupid　it
makes　me　sometimes！　　Yes；　sir；　many　a　time　if　you　had　happened　to　come
along　just　before　the　dawn　you'd　have　caught　us　bailing　out　the　graves
and　hanging　our　shrouds　on　the　fence　to　dry。　　Why；　I　had　an　elegant
shroud　stolen　from　there　one　morningthink　a　party　by　the　name　of　Smith
took　it；　that　resides　in　a　plebeian　graveyard　over　yonderI　think　so
because　the　first　time　I　ever　saw　him　he　hadn't　anything　on　but　a　check
shirt；　and　the　last　time　I　saw　him；　which　was　at　a　social　gathering　in
the　new　cemetery；　he　was　the　best…dressed　corpse　in　the　companyand　it
is　a　significant　fact　that　he　left　when　he　saw　me；　and　presently　an　old
woman　from　here　missed　her　coffinshe　generally　took　it　with　her　when
she　went　anywhere；　because　she　was　liable　to　take　cold　and　bring　on　the
spasmodic　rheumatism　that　originally　killed　her　if　she　exposed　herself　to
the　night　air　much。　　She　was　named　HotchkissAnna　Matilda　Hotchkissyou
might　know　her？　　She　has　two　upper　front　teeth；　is　tall；　but　a　good　deal
inclined　to　stoop；　one　rib　on　the　left　side　gone；　has　one　shred　of　rusty
hair　hanging　from　the　left　side　of　her　head；　and　one　little　tuft　just
above　and　a　little　forward　of　her　right　ear；　has　her　underjaw　wired　on
one　side　where　it　had　worked　loose；　small　bone　of　left　forearm　gonelost
in　a　fight　has　a　kind　of　swagger　in　her　gait　and　a　'gallus'　way　of　going
with：　her　arms　akimbo　and　her　nostrils　in　the　air　has　been　pretty　free
and　easy；　and　is　all　damaged　and　battered　up　till　she　looks　like　a
queensware　crate　in　ruinsmaybe　you　have　met　her？〃

〃God　forbid！〃　I　involuntarily　ejaculated；　for　somehow　I　was　not　looking
for　that　form　of　question；　and　it　caught　me　a　little　off　my　guard。　　But　I
hastened　to　make　amends　for　my　rudeness；　and　say；　〃I　simply　meant　I　had
not　had　the　honorfor　I　would　not　deliberately　speak　discourteously　of　a
friend　of　yours。　　You　were　saying　that　you　were　robbedand　it　was　a
shame；　toobut　it　appears　by　what　is　left　of　the　shroud　you　have　on　that
it　was　a　costly　one　in　its　day。　　How　did〃

A　most　ghastly　expression　began　to　develop　among　the　decayed　features　and
shriveled　integuments　of　my　guest's　face；　and　I　was　beginning　to　grow
uneasy　and　distressed；　when　he　told　me　he　was　only　working　up　a　deep；
sly　smile；　with　a　wink　in　it；　to　suggest　that　about　the　time　he　acquired
his　present　garment　a　ghost　in　a　neighboring　cemetery　missed　one。　　This
reassured　me；　but　I　begged　him　to　confine　himself　to　speech　thenceforth；
because　his　facial　expression　was　uncertain。　　Even　with　the　most
elaborate　care　it　was　liable　to　miss　fire。　　Smiling　should　especially　be
avoided。　　What　he　might　honestly　consider　a　shining　success　was　likely　to
strike　me　in　a　very　different　light。　　I　said　I　liked　to　see　a　skeleton
cheerful；　even　decorously　playful；　but　I　did　not　think　smiling　was　a
skeleton's　best　hold。

〃Yes；　friend；〃　said　the　poor　skeleton；　〃the　facts　are　just　as　I　have
given　them　to　you。　　Two　of　these　old　graveyardsthe　one　that　I　resided
in　and　one　further　along　have　been　deliberately　neglected　by　our
descendants　of　to…day　until　there　is　no　occupying　them　any　longer。　　Aside
from　the　osteological　discomfort　of　itand　that　is　no　light　matter　this
rainy　weatherthe　present　state　of　things　is　ruinous　to　property。　　We
have　got　to　move　or　be　content　to　see　our　effects　wasted　away　and　utterly
destroyed。

Now；　you　will　hardly　believe　it；　but　it　is　true；　nevertheless；　that　there
isn't　a　single　coffin　in　good　repair　among　all　my　acquaintancenow　that
is　an　absolute　fact。　　I　do　not　refer　to　low　people　who　come　in　a　pine　box
mounted　on　an　express…wagon；　but　I　am　talking　about　your　high…toned；
silver…mounted　burial…case；　your　monumental　sort；　that　travel　under　black
plumes　at　the　head　of　a　procession　and　have　choice　of　cemetery　lots
I　mean　folks　like　the　Jarvises；　and　the　Bledsoes　and　Burlings；　and　such。
They　are　all　about　ruined。　　The　most　substantial　people　in　our　set；　they
were。　　And　now　look　at　themutterly　used　up　and　poverty…stricken。　　One
of　the　Bledsoes　actually　traded　his　monument　to　a　late　barkeeper　for　some
fresh　shavings　to　put　under　his　head。　　I　tell　you　it　speaks　volumes；　for
there　is　nothing　a　corpse　takes　so　much　pride　in　as　his　monument。　　He
loves　to　read　the　inscription。　　He　comes　after　a　while　to　believe　what　it
says　himself；　and　then　you　may　see　him　sitting　on　the　fence　night　after
night　enjoying　it。　　Epitaphs　are　cheap；　and　they　do　a　poor　chap　a　world
of　good　after　he　is　dead；　especially　if　he　had　hard　luck　while　he　was
alive。　　I　wish　they　were　used　more。　　Now　I　don't　complain；　but
confidentially　I　do　think　it　was　a　little　shabby　in　my　descendants　to
give　me　nothing　but　this　old　slab　of　a　gravestoneand　all　the　more　that
there　isn't　a　compliment　on　it。　　It　used　to　have：

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　'GONE　TO　HIS　JUST　REWARD'

on　it；　and　I　was　proud　when　I　first　saw　it；　but　by　and　by　I　noticed　that
whenever　an　old　friend　of　mine　came　along　he　would　hook　his　chin　on　the
railing　and　pull　a　long　face　and　read　along　down　till　he　came　to　that；
and　then　he　would　chuckle　to　himself　and　walk　off；　looking　satisfied　and
comfortable。　　So　I　scratched　it　off　to　get　rid　of　those　fools。　　But　a
dead　man　always　takes　a　deal　of　pride　in　his　monument。　　Yonder　goes　half
a　dozen　of　the　Jarvises　now；　with　the　family　monument　along。　　And
Smithers　and　some　hired　specters　went　by　with　his　awhile　ago。　　Hello；
Higgins；　good…by；　old　friend！　　That's　Meredith　Higginsdied　in　'44
belongs　to　our　set　in　the　cemeteryfine　old　familygreat…grand　mother
was　an　InjunI　am　on　the　most　familiar　terms　with　him　he　didn't　hear　me
was　the　reason　he　didn't　answer　me。　　And　I　am　sorry；　too；　because　I　would
have　liked　to　introduce　you。　　You　would　admire　him。　　He　is　the　most
disjointed；　sway…backed；　and　generally　distorted　old　skeleton　you　ever
saw；　but　he　is　full　of　fun。　　When　he　laughs　it　sounds　like　rasping　two
stones　together；　and　he　always　starts　it　off　with　a　cheery　screech　like
raking　a　nail　across　a　window…pane。　　Hey；　Jones！　　That　is　old　Columbus
Jonesshroud　cost　four　hundred　dollars　entire　trousseau；　including
monument；　twenty…seven　hundred。　　This　was　in　the　spring　of　'26。　　It　was
enormous　style　for　those　days。　　Dead　people　came　all　the　way　from　the
Alleghanies　to　see　his　thingsthe　party　that　occupied　the　grave　next　to
mine　remembers　it　well。　　Now　do　you　see　that　individual　going　along　with
a　piece　of　a　head…board　under　his　arm；　one　leg…bone　below　his　knee　gone；
and　not　a　thing　in　the　world　on？　　That　is　Barstow　Dalhousie；　and　next　to
Columbus　Jones　he　was　the　most　sumptuously　outfitted　person　that　ever
entered　our　cemetery。　　We　are　all　leaving。　　We　cannot　tolerate　the
treatment　we　are　receiving　at　the　hands　of　our　descendants。　　They　open
new　cemeteries；　but　they　leave　us　to　our　ignominy。　　They　mend　the
streets；　but　they　never　mend　anything　that　is　about　us　or　belongs　to　us。
Look　at　that　coffin　of　mineyet　I　tell　you　in　its　day　it　was　a　piece　of
furniture　that　would　have　attracted　attention　in　any　drawing…room　in　this
city。　　You　may　have　it　if　you　want　itI　can't　afford　to　repair　it。
Put　a　new　bottom　in　her；　and　part　of　a　new　top；　and　a　bit　of　fresh　lining
along　the　left　side；　and　you'll　find　her　about　as　comfortable　as　any
receptacle　of　her　species　you　ever　tried。　　No　thanks　no；　don't　mention　it
you　have　been　civil　to　me；　and　I　would　give　you　all　the　property　I　have
got　before　I　would　seem　ungrateful。　　Now　this　winding…sheet　is　a　kind　of
a　sweet　thing　in　its　way；　if　you　would　like　to　No？　　Well；　just　as　you
say；　but　I　wished　to　be　fair　and　liberal　there's　nothing　mean　about　me。
Good…by；　friend；　I　must　be　going。　　I　may　have　a　good　way　to　go　to…night
don't　know。　　I　only　know　one　thing　for　certain；　and　that　is　that　I　am
on　the　emigrant　trail　now；　and　I'll　never　sleep　in　that　crazy　old
cemetery　again。　　I　will　travel　till　I　fiend　respectable　quarters；　if　I
have　to　hoof　it　to　New　Jersey。　　All　the　boys　are　going。　　It　was　decided
in　public　conclave；　last　night；　to　emigrate；　and　by　the　time　the　sun
rises　there　won't　be　a　bone　left　in　our　old　habitations。　　Such　cemeteries
may　suit　my　surviving　friends；　but　they　do　not　suit　the　remains　that　have
the　honor　to　make　these　remarks。　　My　opinion　is　the　general　opinion。
If　you　doubt　it；　go　and　see　how　the　departing　ghosts　upset　things　before
they　started。　　They　were　almost　riotous　in　their　demonstrations　of
distaste。　　Hello；　here　are　some　of　the　Bledsoes；　and　if　you　will　give　me
a　lift　with　this　tombstone　I　guess　I　will　join　company　and　jog　along　with
themmighty　respectable　old　family；　the　Bledsoes；　and　used　to　always
come　out　in　six…horse　hearses　and　all　that　sort　of　thing　fifty　years　ago
when　I　walked　these　streets　in　daylight。　　Good…by；　friend。〃

And　with　his　gravestone　on　his　shoulder　he　joined　the　grisly　procession；
dragging　his　damaged　coffin　after　him；　for　notwithstanding　he　pressed　it
upon　me　so　earnestly；　I　utterly　refused　his　hospitality。　　I　suppose　that
for　as　much　as　two　hours　these　sad　outcasts　went　clacking　by；　laden　with
their　dismal　effects；　and　all　that　time　I　sat　pitying　them。　　One　or　two
of　the　youngest　and　l