to himself：
〃Ah； there goes a Chinaman！ God will not love me if I do not stone him。〃
And for this he was arrested and put in the city jail。
Everything conspired to teach him that it was a high and holy thing to
stone a Chinaman； and yet he no sooner attempts to do his duty than he is
punished for ithe； poor chap； who has been aware all his life that one
of the principal recreations of the police； out toward the Gold Refinery；
is to look on with tranquil enjoyment while the butchers of Brannan
Street set their dogs on unoffending Chinamen； and make them flee for
their lives。
＇I have many such memories in my mind； but am thinking just at present
of one particular one； where the Brannan Street butchers set their dogs
on a Chinaman who was quietly passing with a basket of clothes on his
head； and while the dogs mutilated his flesh； a butcher increased the
hilarity of the occasion by knocking some of the Chinaman's teeth down
his throat with half a brick。 This incident sticks in my memory with a
more malevolent tenacity； perhaps； on account of the fact that I was in
the employ of a San Francisco journal at the time； and was not allowed to
publish it because it might offend some of the peculiar element that
subscribed for the paper。＇
Keeping in mind the tuition in the humanities which the entire 〃Pacific
coast〃 gives its youth； there is a very sublimity of incongruity in the
virtuous flourish with which the good city fathers of San Francisco
proclaim （as they have lately done） that 〃The police are positively
ordered to arrest all boys； of every description and wherever found； who
engage in assaulting Chinamen。〃
Still； let us be truly glad they have made the order； notwithstanding its
inconsistency； and let us rest perfectly confident the police are glad；
too。 Because there is no personal peril in arresting boys； provided they
be of the small kind； and the reporters will have to laud their
performances just as loyally as ever； or go without items。
The new form for local items in San Francisco will now be： 〃The ever…
vigilant and efficient officer So…and…so succeeded； yesterday afternoon；
in arresting Master Tommy Jones； after a determined resistance；〃 etc。；
etc。； followed by the customary statistics and final hurrah； with its
unconscious sarcasm： 〃We are happy in being able to state that this is
the forty…seventh boy arrested by this gallant officer since the new
ordinance went into effect。 The most extraordinary activity prevails in
the police department。 Nothing like it has been seen since we can
remember。〃
THE JUDGE'S 〃SPIRITED WOMAN〃
〃I was sitting here；〃 said the judge； 〃in this old pulpit； holding court；
and we were trying a big； wicked…looking Spanish desperado for killing
the husband of a bright； pretty Mexican woman。 It was a lazy summer day；
and an awfully long one； and the witnesses were tedious。 None of us took
any interest in the trial except that nervous； uneasy devil of a Mexican
woman because you know how they love and how they hate； and this one had
loved her husband with all her might； and now she had boiled it all down
into hate； and stood here spitting it at that Spaniard with her eyes；
and I tell you she would stir me up； too； with a little of her summer
lightning； occasionally。 Well； I had my coat off and my heels up；
lolling and sweating； and smoking one of those cabbage cigars the San
Francisco people used to think were good enough for us in those times；
and the lawyers they all had their coats off； and were smoking and
whittling； and the witnesses the same； and so was the prisoner。 Well；
the fact is； there warn't any interest in a murder trial then； because
the fellow was always brought in 'not guilty；' the jury expecting him to
do as much for them some time； and； although the evidence was straight
and square against this Spaniard； we knew we could not convict him
without seeming to be rather high…handed and sort of reflecting on every
gentleman in the community； for there warn't any carriages and liveries
then； and so the only 'style' there was； was to keep your private
graveyard。 But that woman seemed to have her heart set on hanging that
Spaniard； and you'd ought to have seen how she would glare on him a
minute； and then look up at me in her pleading way； and then turn and for
the next five minutes search the jury's faces； and by and by drop her
face in her hands for just a little while as if she was most ready to
give up； but out she'd come again directly； and be as live and anxious as
ever。 But when the jury announced the verdictNot Guiltyand I told
the prisoner he was acquitted and free to go； that woman rose up till she
appeared to be as tall and grand as a seventy…four…gun ship； and says
she：
〃'Judge； do I understand you to say that this man is not guilty that
murdered my husband without any cause before my own eyes and my little
children's； and that all has been done to him that ever justice and the
law can do？'
〃'The same；' says I。
〃And then what do you reckon she did？ Why； she turned on that smirking
Spanish fool like a wildcat； and out with a 'navy' and shot him dead in
open court！〃
〃That was spirited； I am willing to admit。〃
〃Wasn't it； though？〃 said the judge admiringly。
〃I wouldn't have missed it for anything。 I adjourned court right on the
spot； and we put on our coats and went out and took up a collection for
her and her cubs； and sent them over the mountains to their friends。
Ah； she was a spirited wench！〃
INFORMATION WANTED
〃WASHINGTON； December 10； 1867。
〃Could you give me any information respecting such islands； if any； as
the government is going to purchase？〃
It is an uncle of mine that wants to know。 He is an industrious man and
well disposed； and wants to make a living in an honest； humble way； but
more especially he wants to be quiet。 He wishes to settle down； and be
quiet and unostentatious。 He has been to the new island St。 Thomas； but
he says he thinks things are unsettled there。 He went there early with
an attache of the State Department； who was sent down with money to pay
for the island。 My uncle had his money in the same box； and so when they
went ashore； getting a receipt； the sailors broke open the box and took
all the money； not making any distinction between government money； which
was legitimate money to be stolen； and my uncle's； which was his own
private property； and should have been respected。 But he came home and
got some more and went back。 And then he took the fever。 There are
seven kinds of fever down there； you know； and； as his blood was out of
order by reason of loss of sleep and general wear and tear of mind； he
failed to cure the first fever； and then somehow he got the other six。
He is not a kind of man that enjoys fevers； though he is well meaning and
always does what he thinks is right； and so he was a good deal annoyed
when it appeared he was going to die。
But he worried through； and got well and started a farm。 He fenced it
in； and the next day that great storm came on and washed the most of it
over to Gibraltar； or around there somewhere。 He only said； in his
patient way； that it was gone； and he wouldn't bother about trying to
find out where it went to； though it was his opinion it went to
Gibraltar。
Then he invested in a mountain； and started a farm up there； so as to be
out of the way when the sea came ashore again。 It was a good mountain；
and a good farm； but it wasn't any use； an earthquake came the next night
and shook it all down。 It was all fragments； you know； and so mixed up
with another man's property that he could not tell which were his
fragments without going to law； and he would not do that； because his
main object in going to St。 Thomas was to be quiet。 All that he wanted
was to settle down and be quiet。
He thought it all over； and finally he concluded to try the low ground
again； especially as he wanted to start a brickyard this time。 He bought
a flat； and put out a hundred thousand bricks to dry preparatory to
baking them。 But luck appeared to be against him。 A volcano shoved
itself through there that night； and elevated his brickyard about two
thousand feet in the air。 It irritated him a good deal。 He has been up
there； and he says the bricks are all baked right enough； but he can't
get them down。 At first； he thought maybe the government would get the
bricks down for him； because since government bought the island； it ought
to protect the property where a man has invested in good faith； but all
he wants is quiet； and so he is not going to apply for the subsidy he was
thinking about。
He went back there last week in a couple of ships of war； to prospect
around the coast for a safe place for a farm where he could be quiet；
but a great 〃tidal wave〃 came； and hoisted both of the ships out into one
of the interior counties； and he came near losing his life。 So he has
given up prospecting in a ship； and is discouraged。
Well； now he don't know what to do。 He has tried Alaska； but the bears
kept after him so much； and kept him so much on the jump； as it were；
that he had to leave the country。 He could not be quiet there with those
bears prancing after him all the time。 That is how he came to go to the
new island we have boughtSt。 Thomas。 But he is getting to think St。
Thomas is not quiet enough for a man of his turn of mind； and that is why
he wishes me to find out if government is likely to buy some more islands
shortly。 He has heard that government is thinking about buying Porto
Rico。 If that is true； he wishes to try Porto Rico； if it is a quiet
place。 How is Porto Rico for his style of man？ Do you think the
government will buy it？
SOME LEARNED FABLES； FOR GOOD OLD BOYS AND GIRLS
IN THREE PARTS
PART FIRST
HOW THE ANIMALS OF THE WOOD SENT OUT A SCIENTIFIC EXPEDITION
Once the creatures of the forest held a great convention and appointed a
commission consisting of the most illustrious scientists among them to go
forth； clear beyond the forest and out into the unknown and unexplored
world； to verify the truth of the matters already taught in their s