the lily of the valley- 第57部分

looking　back；　impassible　as　her　mother　had　been　for　one　day　only；　but

more　pitiless。　The　searching　eye　of　that　young　girl　had　discovered；

though　tardily；　the　secrets　of　her　mother's　heart；　and　her　hatred　to

the　man　whom　she　fancied　fatal　to　her　mother's　life　may　have　been

increased　by　a　sense　of　her　innocent　complicity。



All　before　me　was　now　chaos。　Madeleine　hated　me；　without　considering

whether　I　was　the　cause　or　the　victim　of　these　misfortunes。　She　might

have　hated　us　equally；　her　mother　and　me；　had　we　been　happy。　Thus　it

was　that　the　edifice　of　my　happiness　fell　in　ruins。　I　alone　knew　the

life　of　that　unknown；　noble　woman。　I　alone　had　entered　every　region　of

her　soul；　neither　mother；　father；　husband；　nor　children　had　ever　known

her。Strange　truth！　I　stir　this　heap　of　ashes　and　take　pleasure　in

spreading　them　before　you；　all　hearts　may　find　something　in　them　of

their　closest　experience。　How　many　families　have　had　their　Henriette！

How　many　noble　feelings　have　left　this　earth　with　no　historian　to

fathom　their　hearts；　to　measure　the　depth　and　breadth　of　their

spirits。　Such　is　human　life　in　all　its　truth！　Often　mothers　know　their

children　as　little　as　their　children　know　them。　So　it　is　with

husbands；　lovers；　brothers。　Did　I　imagine　that　one　day；　beside　my

father's　coffin；　I　should　contend　with　my　brother　Charles；　for　whose

advancement　I　had　done　so　much？　Good　God！　how　many　lessons　in　the

simplest　history。



When　Madeleine　disappeared　into　the　house；　I　went　away　with　a　broken

heart。　Bidding　farewell　to　my　host　at　Sache；　I　started　for　Paris；

following　the　right　bank　of　the　Indre；　the　one　I　had　taken　when　I

entered　the　valley　for　the　first　time。　Sadly　I　drove　through　the

pretty　village　of　Pont…de…Ruan。　Yet　I　was　rich；　political　life　courted

me；　I　was　not　the　weary　plodder　of　1814。　Then　my　heart　was　full　of

eager　desires；　now　my　eyes　were　full　of　tears；　once　my　life　was　all

before　me　to　fill　as　I　could；　now　I　knew　it　to　be　a　desert。　I　was

still　young；only　twenty…nine；but　my　heart　was　withered。　A　few

years　had　sufficed　to　despoil　that　landscape　of　its　early　glory；　and

to　disgust　me　with　life。　You　can　imagine　my　feelings　when；　on　turning

round；　I　saw　Madeleine　on　the　terrace。



A　prey　to　imperious　sadness；　I　gave　no　thought　to　the　end　of　my

journey。　Lady　Dudley　was　far；　indeed；　from　my　mind；　and　I　entered　the

courtyard　of　her　house　without　reflection。　The　folly　once　committed；　I

was　forced　to　carry　it　out。　My　habits　were　conjugal　in　her　house；　and

I　went　upstairs　thinking　of　the　annoyances　of　a　rupture。　If　you　have

fully　understood　the　character　and　manners　of　Lady　Dudley；　you　can

imagine　my　discomfiture　when　her　majordomo　ushered　me；　still　in　my

travelling　dress；　into　a　salon　where　I　found　her　sumptuously　dressed

and　surrounded　by　four　persons。　Lord　Dudley；　one　of　the　most

distinguished　old　statesmen　of　England；　was　standing　with　his　back　to

the　fireplace；　stiff；　haughty；　frigid；　with　the　sarcastic　air　he

doubtless　wore　in　parliament；　he　smiled　when　he　heard　my　name。

Arabella's　two　children；　who　were　amazingly　like　de　Marsay　（a　natural

son　of　the　old　lord）；　were　near　their　mother；　de　Marsay　himself　was　on

the　sofa　beside　her。　As　soon　as　Arabella　saw　me　she　assumed　a　distant

air；　and　glanced　at　my　travelling　cap　as　if　to　ask　what　brought　me

there。　She　looked　me　over　from　head　to　foot；　as　though　I　were　some

country　gentlemen　just　presented　to　her。　As　for　our　intimacy；　that

eternal　passion；　those　vows　of　suicide　if　I　ceased　to　love　her；　those

visions　of　Armida；　all　had　vanished　like　a　dream。　I　had　never　clasped

her　hand；　I　was　a　stranger；　she　knew　me　not。　In　spite　of　the

diplomatic　self…possession　to　which　I　was　gradually　being　trained；　I

was　confounded；　and　all　others　in　my　place　would　have　felt　the　same。

De　Marsay　smiled　at　his　boots；　which　he　examined　with　remarkable

interest。　I　decided　at　once　upon　my　course。　From　any　other　woman　I

should　modestly　have　accepted　my　defeat；　but；　outraged　at　the　glowing

appearance　of　the　heroine　who　had　vowed　to　die　for　love；　and　who　had

scoffed　at　the　woman　who　was　really　dead；　I　resolved　to　meet　insolence

with　insolence。　She　knew　very　well　the　misfortunes　of　Lady　Brandon；　to

remind　her　of　them　was　to　send　a　dagger　to　her　heart；　though　the

weapon　might　be　blunted　by　the　blow。



〃Madame；〃　I　said；　〃I　am　sure　you　will　pardon　my　unceremonious

entrance；　when　I　tell　you　that　I　have　just　arrived　from　Touraine；　and

that　Lady　Brandon　has　given　me　a　message　for　you　which　allows　of　no

delay。　I　feared　you　had　already　started　for　Lancashire；　but　as　you　are

still　in　Paris　I　will　await　your　orders　at　any　hour　you　may　be　pleased

to　appoint。〃



She　bowed；　and　I　left　the　room。　Since　that　day　I　have　only　met　her　in

society；　where　we　exchange　a　friendly　bow；　and　occasionally　a　sarcasm。

I　talk　to　her　of　the　inconsolable　women　of　Lancashire；　she　makes

allusion　to　Frenchwomen　who　dignify　their　gastric　troubles　by　calling

them　despair。　Thanks　to　her；　I　have　a　mortal　enemy　in　de　Marsay；　of

whom　she　is　very　fond。　In　return；　I　call　her　the　wife　of　two

generations。



So　my　disaster　was　complete；　it　lacked　nothing。　I　followed　the　plan　I

had　laid　out　for　myself　during　my　retreat　at　Sache；　I　plunged　into

work　and　gave　myself　wholly　to　science；　literature；　and　politics。　I

entered　the　diplomatic　service　on　the　accession　of　Charles　X。；　who

suppressed　the　employment　I　held　under　the　late　king。　From　that　moment

I　was　firmly　resolved　to　pay　no　further　attention　to　any　woman；　no

matter　how　beautiful；　witty；　or　loving　she　might　be。　This

determination　succeeded　admirably；　I　obtained　a　really　marvellous

tranquillity　of　mind；　and　great　powers　of　work；　and　I　came　to

understand　how　much　these　women　waste　our　lives；　believing；　all　the

while；　that　a　few　gracious　words　will　repay　us。



Butall　my　resolutions　came　to　naught；　you　know　how　and　why。　Dear

Natalie；　in　telling　you　my　life；　without　reserve；　without　concealment；

precisely　as　I　tell　it　to　myself；　in　relating　to　you　feelings　in　which

you　have　had　no　share；　perhaps　I　have　wounded　some　corner　of　your

sensitive　and　jealous　heart。　But　that　which　might　anger　a　common　woman

will　be　to　youI　feel　sure　of　itan　additional　reason　for　loving　me。

Noble　women　have　indeed　a　sublime　mission　to　fulfil　to　suffering　and

sickened　hearts；the　mission　of　the　sister　of　charity　who　stanches

the　wound；　of　the　mother　who　forgives　a　child。　Artists　and　poets　are

not　the　only　ones　who　suffer；　men　who　work　for　their　country；　for　the

future　destiny　of　the　nations；　enlarging　thus　the　circle　of　their

passions　and　their　thoughts；　often　make　for　themselves　a　cruel

solitude。　They　need　a　pure；　devoted　love　beside　them；believe　me；

they　understand　its　grandeur　and　its　worth。



To…morrow　I　shall　know　if　I　have　deceived　myself　in　loving　you。



Felix。









ANSWER　TO　THE　ENVOI



　　Madame　la　Comtesse　Natalie　de　Manerville　to　Monsieur　le　Comte　

　　Felix　de　Vandenesse。



　　Dear　Count；You　received　a　letter　from　poor　Madame　de　Mortsauf；

　　which；　you　say；　was　of　use　in　guiding　you　through　the　world；a

　　letter　to　which　you　owe　your　distinguished　career。　Permit　me　to

　　finish　your　education。



　　Give　up；　I　beg　of　you；　a　really　dreadful　habit；　do　not　imitate

　　certain　widows　who　talk　of　their　first　husband　and　throw　the

　　virtues　of　the　deceased　in　the　face　of　their　second。　I　am　a

　　Frenchwoman；　dear　count；　I　wish　to　marry　the　whole　of　the　man　I

　　love；　and　I　really　cannot　marry　Madame　de　Mortsauf　too。　Having

　　read　your　tale　with　all　the　attention　it　deserves；and　you　know

　　the　interest　I　feel　in　you；it　seems　to　me　that　you　must　have

　　wearied　Lady　Dudley　with　the　perfections　of　Madame　de　Mortsauf；

　　and　done　great　harm　to　the　countess　by　overwhelming　her　with　the

　　experiences　of　your　English　love。　Also　you　have　failed　in　tact　to

　　me；　poor　creature　without　other　merit　than　that　of　pleasing　you；

　　you　have　given　me　to　understand　that　I　cannot　love　as　Henriette　or

　　Arabella　loved　you。　I　acknowledge　my　imperfections；　I　know　them；

　　but　why　so　roughly　make　me　feel　them？



　　Shall　I　tell　you　whom　I　pity？the　fourth　woman　whom　you　love。　She

　　will　be　forced　to　struggle　against　three　others。　Therefore；　in

　　your　interests　as　well　as　in　hers；　I　must　warn　you　against　the

　　dangers　of　your　tale。　For　myself；　I　renounce　the　laborious　glory

　　of　loving　you；it　needs　too　many　virtues；　Catholic　or　Anglican；

　　and　I　have　no　fancy　for　rivalling　phantoms。　The　virtues　of　the

　　virgin　of　Clochegourde　would　dishearten　any　woman；　however　sure　of

　　herself　she　might　be；　and　your　intrepid　English　amazon　discourages

　　even　a　wish　for　that　sort　of　happiness。　No　matter　what　a　poor

　　woman　may　do；　she　can　never　hope　to　give　you　the　joys　she　will

　　aspire　to　give。　Neither　heart　nor　senses　can　triumph　against　these

　　memories　of　yours。　I　own　that　I　have　never　been　able　to　warm　the

　　sunshine　chilled　for　you　by　the　death　of　your　sainted　Henriette。　I

　　have　felt　you　shuddering　beside　me。



　　My　friend；for　you　will　always　be　my　friend；never　make　such

　　confidences　again；　they　lay　bare　your　disillusions；　they

　　discourage　love；　and　compel　a　woman　to　feel　doubtful　of　herself。

　　Love；　dear　count；　can　only　live　on　trustfulness。　The　woman　who

　　before　she　says　a　word　or　mounts　her　horse；　must　ask　herself

　　whether　a　celestial　Henriette　might　not　have　spoken　better；

　　whether　a　rider　like　Arabella　was　not　more　graceful；　that　woman

　　you　may　be　very　sure；　will　tremble　in　all　her　members。　You

　　certainly　have　given　me　a　desire　to　receive　a　few　of　those

　　intoxicating　bouquetsbut　you　say　you　will　make　no　more。　There

　　are　many　other　things　you　dare　no　longer　do；　thoughts　and

　　enjoyments　you　can　never　reawaken。　No　woman；　and　you　ought　to　know

　　this；　will　be　willing　to　elbow　in　your　heart　the　phantom　whom　you

　　hold　there。



　　You　ask　me　to　love　you　out　of　Christian　charity。　I　could　do　much；

　　I　candi