〃Don't ask me。 Ask Denise。〃
〃How do you know she uses anything？〃
〃Ask Denise。〃
〃Why don't I ask Baba？〃
〃Ask Baba；〃 she said。
Murray came out of an aisle and walked alongside Babette； just ahead of us。 He took a twin roll of paper towels out of her cart and smelled it。 Denise had found some friends and they went up front to look at the paperback books in spindly racks； the books with shiny metallic print； raised letters； vivid illustrations of cult violence and windswept romance。 Denise was wearing a green visor。 I heard Babette tell Murray she'd been wearing it fourteen hours a day for three weeks now。 She would not go out without it； would not even leave her room。 She wore it in school； when there was school； wore it to the toilet； the dentist's chair； the dinner table。 Something about the visor seemed to speak to her； to offer wholeness and identity。
〃It's her interface with the world；〃 Murray said。
He helped Babette push her loaded cart。 I heard him say to her； 〃Tibetans believe there is a transitional state between death and rebirth。 Death is a waiting period； basically。 Soon a fresh womb will receive the soul。 In the meantime the soul restores to itself some of the divinity lost at birth。〃 He studied her profile as if to detect a reaction。 〃That's what I think of whenever I e in here。 This place recharges us spiritually； it prepares us； it's a gateway or pathway。 Look how bright。 It's full of psychic data。〃
My wife smiled at him。
〃Everything is concealed in symbolism； hidden by veils of mystery and layers of cultural material。 But it is psychic data； absolutely。 The large doors slide open； they close unbidden。 Energy waves； incident radiation。 All the letters and numbers are here； all the colors of the spectrum； all the voices and sounds； all the code words and ceremonial phrases。 It is just a question of deciphering； rearranging； peeling off the layers of unspeakability。 Not that we would want to； not that any useful purpose would be served。 This is not Tibet。 Even Tibet is not Tibet anymore。〃
He studied her profile。 She put some yogurt in her cart。
〃Tibetans try to see death for what it is。 It is the end of attachment to things。 This simple truth is hard to fathom。 But once we stop denying death； we can proceed calmly to die and then go on to experience uterine rebirth or Judeo…Christian afterlife or out…of…body experience or a trip on a UFO or whatever we wish to call it。 We can do so with clear vision； without awe or terror。 We don't have to cling to life artificially； or to death for that matter。 We simply walk toward the sliding doors。 Waves and radiation。 Look how well…lighted everything is。 The place is sealed off； self…contained。 It is timeless。 Another reason why I think of Tibet。 Dying is an art in Tibet。 A priest walks in； sits down； tells the weeping relatives to get out and has the room sealed。 Doors； windows sealed。 He has serious business to see to。 Chants； numerology； horoscopes； recitations。 Here we don't die； we shop。 But the difference is less marked than you think。〃
He was almost whispering now and I tried to get up closer without ramming my cart into Babette's。 I wanted to hear everything。
〃Supermarkets this large and clean and modern are a revelation to me。 I spent my life in small steamy delicatessens with slanted display cabinets full of trays that hold soft wet lumpy matter in pale colors。 High enough cabinets so you had to stand on tiptoes to give your order。 Shouts； accents。 In cities no one notices specific dying。 Dying is a quality of the air。 It's everywhere and nowhere。 Men shout as they die； to be noticed； remembered for a second or two。 To die in an apartment instead of a house can depress the soul； I would imagine； for several lives to e。 In a town there are houses； plants in bay windows。 People notice dying better。 The dead have faces； automobiles。 If you don't know a name； you know a street name； a dog's name。 'He drove an orange Mazda。'
You know a couple of useless things about a person that bee major facts of identification and cosmic placement when he dies suddenly； after a short illness； in his own bed； with a forter and matching pillows； on a rainy Wednesday afternoon； feverish； a little congested in the sinuses and chest； thinking about his dry cleaning。〃
Babette said； 〃Where is Wilder？〃 and turned to stare at me in a way that suggested ten minutes had passed since she'd last seen him。 Other looks； less pensive and less guilty； indicated greater time spans； deeper seas of inattention。 Like： 〃I didn't know whales were mammals。〃 The greater the time span； the blanker the look； the more dangerous the situation。 It was as if guilt were a luxury she allowed herself only when the danger was minimal。
〃How could he get out of the cart without my noticing？〃
The three adults each stood at the head of an aisle and peered into the traffic of carts and gliding bodies。 Then we did three more aisles； heads set forward； weaving slightly as we changed our sightlines。 I kept seeing colored spots off to the right but when I turned there was nothing there。 I'd been seeing colored spots for years but never so many； so gaily animated。 Murray saw Wilder in another woman's cart。 The woman waved at Babette and headed toward us。 She lived on our street with a teenage daughter and an Asian baby； Chun Duc。 Everyone referred to the baby by name； almost in a tone of proud proprietorship； but no one knew who Chun belonged to or where he or she had e from。
〃Kleenex Softique； Kleenex Softique。〃
Steffie was holding my hand in a way I'd e to realize； over a period of time； was not meant to be gently possessive； as I'd thought at first； but reassuring。 I was a little astonished。 A firm grip that would help me restore confidence in myself； keep me from being resigned to whatever melancholy moods she thought she detected hovering about my person。
Before Murray went to the express line he invited us to dinner； a week from Saturday。
〃You don't have to let me know till the last minute。〃
〃We'll be there；〃 Babette said。
〃I'm not preparing anything major； so just call beforehand and tell me if something else came up。 You don't even have to call。 If you don't show up； I'll know that something came up and you couldn't let me know。〃
〃Murray； we'll be there。〃
〃Bring the kids。〃
〃No。〃
〃Great。 But if you decide to bring them； no problem。 I don't want you to feel I'm holding you to something。 Don't feel you've made an ironclad mitment。 You'll show up or you won't。 I have to eat anyway； so there's no major catastrophe if something es up and you have to cancel。 I just want you to know I'll be there if you decide to drop by； with or without kids。 We have till next May or June to do this thing so there's no special mystique about a week from Saturday。〃
〃Are you ing back next semester？〃 I said。
'They want me to teach a course in the cinema of car crashes。〃
〃Do it。〃
〃I will。〃
I rubbed against Babette in the checkout line。 She backed into me and I reached around her and put my hands on her breasts。 She rotated her hips and I nuzzled her hair and murmured； 〃Dirty blond。〃 People wrote checks； tall boys bagged the merchandise。 Not everyone spoke English at the cash terminals； or near the fruit bins and frozen foods； or out among the cars in the lot。 More and more I heard languages I could not identify much less understand； although the tall boys were American…born and the checkout women as well； short； fattish in blue tunics； wearing stretch slacks and tiny white espadrilles。 I tried to fit my hands into Babette's skirt； over her belly； as the slowly moving line edged toward the last purchase point； the breath mints and nasal inhalers。
It was out in the parking lot that we heard the first of the rumors about a man dying during the inspection of the grade school； one of the masked and Mylex…suited men； heavy…booted and bulky。 Collapsed and died； went the story that was going around； in a classroom on the second floor。
10
Tuition at the College…on…the…Hill is fourteen thousand dollars； Sunday brunch included。 I sense there is a connection between this powerful number and the way the students arrange themselves physically in the reading areas of the library。 They sit on broad cushioned seats in various kinds of ungainly posture； clearly calculated to be the identifying signs of some kinship group or secret organization。 They are fetal； splayed； knock…kneed； arched； square…knotted； sometimes almost upside…down。 The positions are so studied they amount to a classical mime。 There is an element of overrefinement and inbreeding。 Sometimes I feel I've wandered into a Far Eastern dream； too remote to be interpreted。 But it is only the language of economic class they are speaking； in one of its allowable outward forms； like the convocation of station wagons at the start of the year。
Denise watched her mother pull the little cellophane ribbon on a bonus pack of sixteen individually wrapped units of chewing gum。 Her eyes narrowed as she turned back to the address books on the kitchen table before her。 The eleven…year…old face was an expert mask of restrained exasperation。
She waited a long moment； then said evenly； 〃That stuff causes cancer in laboratory animals in case you didn't know。〃
〃You wanted me to chew sugarless gum； Denise。 It was your idea。〃
〃There was no warning on the pack then。 They put a warning； which I would have a hard time believing you didn't see。〃
She was transcribing names and phone numbers from an old book to a new one。 There were no addresses。 Her friends had phone numbers only； a race of people with a seven…bit analog consciousness。
〃I'm happy to do it either way；〃 Babette said。 〃It's totally up to you。 Either I chew gum with sugar and artificial coloring or I chew sugarless and colorless gum that's harmful to rats。〃
Steffie got off the phone。 〃Don't chew at all；〃 she said。 〃Did you ever think of that？〃
Babette was breaking eggs into a wooden salad bowl。 She gave me a look that wondered how the girl could talk on the phone and listen to us at the same time。 I wanted to say because she finds us interesting。
Babette said to the