we two- 第55部分

The　recollection；　however；　of　her　parting　conversation　with　her　aunt　made　her　determined　to　be　down　to　breakfast。　　Her　absence　might　be　misconstrued。　　And　though　feeling　ill…prepared　for　remonstrance　or　argument；　she　was　in　her　place　when　the　gong　sounded　for　prayers；　looking　white　and　weary　indeed；　but　with　a　curve　of　resoluteness　about　her　mouth。　　Nobody　found　out　how　tired　she　was。　　Mr。　Fane…Smith　was　as　blind　as　a　bat；　and　Mrs。　Fane…Smith　was　too　low…spirited　and　too　much　absorbed　with　her　own　cares　to　notice。　　The　events　of　last　night　looked　more　and　more　disagreeable；　and　she　was　burdened　with　thoughts　of　what　people　would　say；　moreover；　Rose's　cold　was　much　worse；　and　as　her　mother　was　miserable　if　even　her　little　finger　ached；　she　was　greatly　disturbed；　and　persuaded　herself　that　her　child　was　really　in　a　most　dangerous　state。

Breakfast　proved　a　very　silent　meal　that　morning；　quite　oppressively　silent；　Erica　felt　like　a　child　in　disgrace。　　Every　now　and　then　the　grimness　of　it　appealed　to　her　sense　of　the　ludicrous；　and　she　felt　inclined　to　scream　or　do　something　desperate　just　to　see　what　would　happen。　　At　length　the　dreary　repast　came　to　an　end；　and　she　had　just　taken　up　a　newspaper；　with　a　sort　of　gasp　of　relief　at　the　thought　of　escaping　for　a　moment　into　a　larger　world；　when　she　was　recalled　to　the　narrow　circle　of　Greyshot　by　a　word　from　Mr。　Fane…Smith。

〃I　wish　to　have　a　talk　with　you；　my　dear；　will　you　come　to　the　library　at　ten　o'clock？〃

An　interview　by　appointment！　　That　sounded　formidable！　　When　the　time　came；　　Erica　went　rather　apprehensively　to　the　library；　fearing　that　she　was　in　for　an　argument；　and　wishing　that　Mr。　Fane…Smith　had　chosen　a　day　on　which　she　felt　a　little　more　up　to　things。

He　received　her　very　kindly；　and　drew　an　easy　chair　up　to　the　fire　for　her；　no　doubt　doing　as　he　would　be　done　by；　for　he　was　a　chilly　Indian　mortal。　　Erica　had　never　been　into　the　library　before。　　It　was　a　delightful　room；　furnished　with　old　carved　oak　and　carpeted　with　soft　Indian　rugs。　　Though　dignified　by　the　name　of　library；　it　was　not　nearly　so　crowded　with　books　as　the　little　study　at　home；　all　the　volumes　were　beautifully　bound　in　much…begilt　calf　or　morocco；　but　they　had　not　the　used；　loved　look　of　her　father's　books。　　On　the　mantel　piece　there　were　some　models　of　Indian　idols　exquisitely　carved　in　soft；　greenish…gray　soapstone；　and　behind　these；　as　if　in　protest；　lurked　the　only　unornamental　thing　in　the　room；　a　very　ordinary　missionary　box；　covered　with　orange…colored　paper　and　impressively　black　negroes。

〃I　am　sure；　my　dear；〃　said　Mr。　Fane…Smith；　〃that　after　what　occurred　last　night　you　will　see　the　desirability　of　thinking　seriously　about　your　plans　for　the　future。　　I　have　been　intending　to　speak　to　you；　but　waited　until　we　had　learned　to　know　each　other　a　little。　　However；　I　regret　now　that　I　delayed。　　It　is　naturally　far　from　desirable　that　you　should　remain　an　inmate　of　your　father's　house；　and　my　wife　and　I　should　be　very　glad　if　you　would　make　your　home　with　us。　　Of　course　when　it　was　fully　understood　in　Greyshot　that　you　had　utterly　renounced　your　father　and　your　former　friends；　such　unpleasantness　as　you　encountered　last　night　would　not　again　occur；　indeed；　I　fancy　you　would　become　exceedingly　popular。　　It　would　perhaps　have　been　wiser　if　you　would　have　taken　our　name；　but　your　aunt　tells　me　you　object　to　that。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Erica；　who　was　writhing　with　anger；　and　relieved　herself　by　the　slight　sarcasm；　〃I　do　object　to　be　Miss　Feign…Fane…Smith。〃

〃Well；　that　must　be　as　you　please；〃　he　resumed；　〃but　I　really　think　if　you　will　accept　our　offer　it　will　be　for　your　ultimate　good。〃

He　proceeded　to　enumerate　all　the　benefits　which　would　accrue　to　her；　then　paused。

Erica　was　silent　for　a　minute。　　When　she　spoke　it　was　in　the　low　voice　of　one　who　is　struggling　to　restrain　passion。

〃I　am　sure　you　mean　this　very　kindly；〃　she　said。　　〃I　have　tried　to　listen　to　your　offer　patiently；　though；　of　course；　the　moment　you　began；　I　knew　that　I　must　entirely　emphatically；　decline　it。　　I　will　NEVER　leave　my　father！〃

The　last　words　were　spoken　with　a　sort　of　half…restrained　outburst；　as　if　the　pent…up　passion　must　find　some　outlet。

Mr。　Fane…Smith　was　startled。　　He　so　seldom　thought　of　Luke　Raeburn　as　a　fellow…being　at　all　that　perhaps　it　had　never　occurred　to　him　that　the　love　of　parent　to　child；　and　child　to　parent；　is　quite　independent　of　creed。

〃But；　my　dear；〃　he　said；　〃you　have　been　baptized。〃

〃I　have。〃

〃You　promised　to　renounce　the　devil　and　all　his　works。〃

〃I　did。〃

〃Then　how　can　you　hesitate　to　renounce　everything　connected　with　your　former　life？〃

〃Do　you　mean　to　imply　that　my　father　is　the　devil　or　one　of　his　works？〃

Mr。　Fane…Smith　was　silent。　　Erica　continued：

〃God's　Fatherhood　does　not　depend　on　our　knowledge　of　it；　or　acceptance　of　it；　it　is　a　fact　a　truth！　　How　then　can　any　one　dare　to　say　that　such　a　man　as　my　farther　is　a　work　of　the　devil？　　I　thought　the　sin　of　sins　was　to　attribute　to　the　devil　what　belongs　to　God！〃

〃You　are　in　a　very　peculiar　position；〃　said　Mr。　Fane…Smith；　uneasily。　　〃And　I　have　no　doubt　it　is　difficult　for　you　to　see　things　as　they　really　are。　　But　I；　who　can　look　at　the　matter　dispassionately；　can　see　that　your　remaining　in　your　old　home　would　be　most　dangerous；　and　not　only　that；　but　most　painful！　　To　live　in　a　house　where　you　hear　all　that　you　most　reverence　evil　spoken　of；　why；　the　pain　would　be　unspeakable！〃

〃I　know　that；〃　said　Erica；　in　a　low　voice；　〃I　have　found　that　I　admit　that　it　is　and　always　will　be　harder　to　bear　than　any　one　can　conceive　who　has　not　tried。　　But　to　shirk　pain　is　not　to　follow　Christ。　　As　to　danger；　if　you　will　forgive　my　saying　so；　I　should　find　a　luxurious　life　in　a　place　like　Greyshot　infinitely　more　trying。〃

〃Then　could　you　not　take　up　nursing？　　Or　go　into　some　sisterhood？　　Nothing　extreme；　you　know；　but　just　a　working　sisterhood。〃

Erica　smiled；　and　shook　her　head。

〃Why　should　I　try　to　make　another　vocation　when　God　has　already　given　me　one？〃

〃But；　my　dear；　consider　the　benefit　to　your　own　soul。〃

〃A　very　secondary　consideration！〃　exclaimed　Erica；　impetuously。

〃I　should　have　thought；〃　continued　Mr。　Fane…Smith；　〃that　under　such　strange　circumstances　you　would　have　seen　how　necessary　it　was　to　forsake　all。　　Think　of　St。　Matthew；　for　instance；　he　rose　up　at　once；　forsook　all；　and　followed　Him。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Erica。　　〃And　what　was　the　very　first　thing　he　was　impelled　to　do　by　way　of　'following？'　　Why；　to　make　a　great　feast　and　have　in　all　his　old　friends；　all　the　despised　publicans。〃

〃My　dear　Erica；〃　said　Mr。　Fane…Smith；　feeling　his　theological　arguments　worsted；　〃we　must　discuss　this　matter　on　practical　grounds。　　In　plain　words；　your　father　is　a　very　bad　man；　and　you　ought　to　have　nothing　more　to　do　with　him。〃

Erica's　lips　turned　white　with　anger；　but　she　answered；　calmly：

〃That　is　a　very　great　accusation。　　How　do　you　know　it　is　true？〃

〃I　know　it　well　enough；〃　said　Mr。　Fane…Smith。　　〃Why；　every　one　in　England　knows　it。〃

〃If　you　accept　mere　hearsay　evidence；　you　may　believe　anything　of　any　one。　　Have　you　ever　read　any　of　my　father's　books？〃

〃No。〃

〃Or　heard　him　lecture？〃

〃No；　indeed；　I　would　not　hear　him　on　any　account。〃

〃Have　you　ever　spoken　with　any　of　his　intimate　friends？〃

〃Mr。　Raeburn's　acquaintances　are　not　likely　to　mix　with　any　one　I　should　know。〃

〃Then；〃　cried　Erica；　〃how　can　you　know　anything　whatever　about　him？　　And　how　how　DARE　you　say　to　me；　his　child；　that　he　is　a　wicked　man？〃

〃It　is　a　matter　of　common　notoriety。〃

〃No；〃　said　Erica；　〃there　you　are　wrong。　　It　is　notorious　that　my　father　teaches　conscientiously　teaches　much　that　we　regard　as　error；　but　people　who　openly　accuse　him　of　evil　living　find　to　their　cost　in　the　law　courts　that　they　have　foully　libeled　him。〃

She　flushed　even　now　at　the　thought　of　some　of　the　hateful　and　wicked　accusations　of　the　past。　　Then；　after　a　moment's　pause；　she　continued　more　warmly：

〃It　is　you　people　in　society　who　get　hold　of　some　misquoted　story；　some　ridiculous　libel　long　ago　crushed　at　the　cost　of　the　libeler　it　is　you　who　do　untold　mischief！　　Only　last　summer　I　remember　seeing　in　a　paper　the　truest　sentence　that　was　ever　written　of　my　father；　and　it　was　this；　'Probably　no　one　man　has　ever　had　to　endure　such　gross　personal　insults；　such　widespread　hostility；　such　perpetual　calumny。'　　Why　are　you　to　judge　him？　　Even　if　you　had　a　special　call　to　it；　how　could　you　justly　judge　him　when　you　will　not　hear　him；　or　know　him；　or　fairly　study　his　writings；　or　question　his　friends？　　How　can　you　know　anything　whatever　about　him？　　Why；　if　he　judged　you　and　your　party　as　you　judge　him；　you　would　be　furious！〃

〃My　dear；　you　speak　with　so　much　warmth；　if　you　would　only　discuss　things　calmly！〃　said　Mr。　Fane…Smith。　　〃Remember　what　George　Herbert　says：　'Calmness　is　a　great　advantage。'　　You　bring　too　much　feeling　to　the　discussion。〃

〃How　can　I　help　feeling　when　you　are　slandering　my　father？〃　exclaimed　Erica。　　〃I　have　tried　to　be　calm；　but　there　are　limits　to　endurance！　　Would　you　like　Rose　to　sit　silently　while　my　father　told　her　without　any　ground　that　you　were　a　wicked　man？〃

When　matters　were　reversed　in　this　crude　way；　Mr。　Fane…Smith　winced　a　little。

〃The　cases　are　different；〃　he　suggested。

〃Do　you　think　atheists　don't　love　their　children　as　much　as　Christians？〃　cried　Erica；　half　choked　with　indignant　anger。　　A　vision　of　the　past；　of　her　dead　mother；　of　her　father's　never…failing　tenderness　brought　a　cloud　of　tears　to　her　eyes。　　She　brushed　them　away。　　〃The　cases　are　different；　as　you　say；　but　does　a　man　care　less　for　his　home；　when　outside　it　he　is　badgered　and　insulted；　or　does　he　care　infinitely　more？　　Does　a　man　care　less　for　his　child　because；　to　get　her　food；　he　has　had　to　go　short　himself；　or　does　he　care　more？　　I　think　the　man　who　has　had　to　toil　with　all　his　might　for　his　family　loves　it　better　than　the　rich　man　can。　　You　say　I　speak　with　too　much　warmth；　too　much　feeling。　　My　complaint　is　the　other　way　I　can't　find　words　strong　enough　to　give　you　any　idea　of　what　my　father　has　always　been　to　me。　　To　leave　him　would　be　to　wrong　my　conscience；　and　to　forsake　my　duty；　and　to　distrust　God。　　I　will　N