we two- 第39部分

〃How　loud　soe'er　the　world　may　roar；　We　know　love　will　be　conqueror。〃

Meanwhile　Raeburn　paced　to　and　fro　in　grievous　pain　The　fact　that　his　pain　could　scarcely　perhaps　have　been　comprehended　by　the　generality　of　people　did　not　make　it　less　real　or　less　hard　to　bear。　　A　really　honest　atheist；　who　is　convinced　that　Christianity　is　false　and　misleading；　suffers　as　much　at　the　sight　of　what　he　considers　a　mischievous　belief　as　a　Christian　would　suffer　while　watching　a　service　in　some　heathen　temple。　　Rather　his　pain　would　be　greater；　for　his　belief　in　the　gradual　progress　of　his　creed　is　shadowy　and　dim　compared　with　the　Christian's　conviction　that　the　〃Saviour　of　all　men〃　exists。

Once；　some　years　before；　a　very　able　man；　one　of　his　most　devoted　followers；　had　〃fallen　back〃　into　Christianity。　　That　had　been　a　bitter　disappointment；　but　that　his　own　child　whom　he　loved　more　than　anything　in　the　world；　should　have　forsaken　him　and　gone　over　to　the　enemy；　was　a　grief　well…nigh　intolerable。　　It　was　a　grief　he　had　never　for　one　moment　contemplated。

Could　anything　be　more　improbable　than　that　Erica；　carefully　trained　as　she　had　been；　should　relapse　so　strangely？　　Her　whole　life　had　been　spent　among　atheists；　there　was　not　a　single　objection　to　Christianity　which　had　not　been　placed　before　her。　　She　had　read　much；　thought　much；　she　had　worked　indefatigably　to　aid　the　cause。　　Again　and　again　she　had　braved　personal　insult　and　wounding　injustice　as　an　atheist。　　She　had　voluntarily　gone　into　exile　to　help　her　father　in　his　difficulties。　　Through　the　shameful　injustice　of　a　Christian；　she　had　missed　the　last　years　of　her　mother's　life；　and　had　been　absent　from　her　death　bed。　　She　had　borne　on　behalf　of　her　father's　cause　a　thousand　irritating　privations；　a　thousand　harassing　cares；　she　had　been　hard…working；　and　loyal；　and　devoted；　and　now　all　at　once　she　had　turned　completely　round　and　placed　herself　in　the　opposing　ranks！

Raeburn　had　all　his　life　been　fighting　against　desperate　odds；　and　in　the　conflict　he　had　lost　well…nigh　everything。　　He　had　lost　his　home　long　ago；　he　had　lost　his　father's　good　will；　he　had　lost　the　whole　of　his　inheritance；　he　had　lost　health；　and　strength；　and　reputation；　and　money；　he　had　lost　all　the　lesser　comforts　of　life；　and　now　he　said　to　himself　that　he　was　to　lose　his　dearest　treasure　of　all；　his　child。

Bitter；　hopeless；　life…long　division　had　arisen　between　them。　　For　twenty…three　years　he　had　loved　her　as　truly　as　ever　father　loved　child；　and　this　was　his　reward！　　A　miserable　sense　of　isolation　arose　in　his　heart。　　Erica　had　been　so　much　to　him　how　could　he　live　without　her？　　The　muscles　of　his　face　quivered　with　emotion；　he　clinched　his　hands　almost　fiercely。

Then　he　tortured　himself　by　letting　his　thoughts　wander　back　to　the　past。　　That　very　day　years　ago；　when　he　had　first　learned　what　fatherhood　meant；　the　pride　of　watching　his　little　girl　as　the　years　rolled　on；　the　terrible　anxiety　of　one　long　and　dangerous　illness　she　had　passed　through　how　well　he　remembered　the　time！　　They　were　very　poor；　could　afford　no　expensive　luxuries；　he　had　shared　the　nursing　with　his　wife。　　One　night　he　remembered　toiling　away　with　his　pen　while　the　sick　child　was　actually　on　his　knee；　he　always　fancied　that　the　pamphlet　he　had　then　been　at　work　on　was　more　bitterly　sarcastic　than　anything　he　had　ever　written。　　Then　on　once　more　into　years　of　desperately　hard　work　and　disappointingly　small　results；　imbittered　by　persecution；　crippled　by　penalties　and　never…ending　litigation；　but　always　there　had　been　the　little　child　waiting　for　him　at　home；　who　by　her　baby…like　freedom　from　care　could　make　him　smile　when　he　was　overwhelmed　with　anxiety。　　How　could　he　ever　have　endured　the　bitter　obloquy；　the　slanderous　attacks；　the　countless　indignities　which　had　met　him　on　all　sides；　if　there　had　not　been　one　little　child　who　adored　him；　who　followed　him　about　like　a　shadow；　who　loved　him　and　trusted　him　utterly？

Busy　as　his　life　had　been；　burdened　as　he　had　been　for　years　with　twice　as　much　work　as　he　could　get　through；　the　child　had　never　been　crowded　out　of　his　life。　　Even　as　a　little　thing　of　four　years　old；　Erica　had　been　quite　content　to　sit　on　the　floor　in　his　study　by　the　hour　together；　quietly　amusing　herself　by　cutting　old　newspapers　into　fantastic　shapes；　or　by　drawing　impossible　cats　and　dogs　and　horses　on　the　margins。　　She　had　never　disturbed　him；　she　used　to　talk　to　herself　in　whispers。

〃Are　you　happy；　little　one？〃　he　used　to　ask　from　time　to　time；　with　a　sort　of　passionate　desire　that　he　should　enjoy　her　unconscious　childhood；　foreseeing　care　and　trouble　for　her　in　the　future。

〃Yes；　very　happy；〃　had　been　the　invariable　response；　and　generally　Erica　would　avail　herself　of　the　interruption　to　ask　his　opinion　about　some　square…headed　cat；　with　eyes　askew　and　an　astonishing　number　of　legs；　which　she　had　just　drawn。　　Then　would　come　what　she　called　a　〃bear's　hug；〃　after　which　silence　reigned　again　in　the　study；　while　Raeburn　would　go　on　writing　some　argumentative　pamphlet；　hard　and　clear　as　crystal；　his　heart　warmed　by　the　little　child's　love；　the　remains　of　a　smile　lingering　about　his　lips　at　the　recollection　of　the　square…headed　cat。

And　the　years　passed　on；　and　every　year　deepened　and　strengthened　their　love。　　And　by　slow　degrees　he　had　watched　the　development　of　her　mind；　had　gloried　in　her　quick　perception；　had　learned　to　come　to　her　for　a　second　opinion　every　now　and　then；　had　felt　proud　of　her　common　sense；　her　thoughtful　judgments；　had　delighted　in　her　enthusiastic；　loving　help。　　All　this　was　ended　now。　　Strange　that；　just　as　he　hoped　most　from　her；　she　should　fail　him！　　It　was　a　repetition　of　his　own　early　history　exactly　reversed。　　His　thoughts　went　back　to　his　father's　study　in　the　old　Scottish　parsonage。　　He　remembered　a　long；　fierce　argument；　he　remembered　a　storm　of　abusive　anger；　and　a　furious　dismissal　from　the　house。　　The　old　pain　came　back　to　him　vividly。

〃And　she　loves　me　fifty　thousand　times　more　than　I　ever　loved　my　father；〃　he　reflected。　　〃And；　though　I　was　not　abusive；　I　was　hard　on　her。　　And；　however　mistaken；　she　was　very　brave；　very　honest。　　Oh；　I　was　cruel　to　her　harsh；　and　hateful！　　My　little　child！　　My　poor　little　child！　　It　shall　not　it　cannot　divide　us。　　I　am　hers；　and　she　is　mine　nothing　can　ever　alter　that。〃

He　turned　and　went　back　into　the　room。　　Never　had　he　looked　grander　than　at　that　minute；　this　man　who　could　hold　thousands　in　breathless　attention　this　man　who　was　more　passionately　loved　by　his　friends；　more　passionately　hated　by　his　enemies　than　almost　any　man　in　England！　　He　was　just　the　ideal　father。

Erica　had　not　stirred；　she　was　leaning　back　in　her　chair；　looking　very　still　and　white。　　He　came　close　to　her。

〃Little　son　Eric！〃　he　said；　with　a　whole　world　of　love　in　his　tone。

She　sprang　up　and　wreathed　her　arms　round　his　neck。

By　and　by；　they　began　to　talk　in　low　tones；　to　map　out　and　piece　together　as　well　as　they　could　the　future　life；　which　was　inevitably　severed　from　the　past　by　a　deep　gulf。　　They　spoke　of　the　work　which　they　could　still　share；　of　the　interests　they　should　still　have　in　common。　　It　was　very　sad　work　for　Erica　infinitely　sadder　for　Raeburn；　but　they　were　both　of　them　brave　and　noble　souls；　and　they　loved　each　other；　and　so　could　get　above　the　sadness。　　One　thing　they　both　agreed　upon。　　They　would　never　argue　about　their　opinions。　　They　would；　as　far　as　possible；　avoid　any　allusion　to　the　grave　differences　that　lay　between　them。

Late　in　the　afternoon；　a　little　group　of　fishermen　and　idlers　stood　on　the　beach。　　They　were　looking　out　seaward　with　some　〃anxiety；　for　a　sudden　wind　had　arisen；　and　there　was　what　they　called　'an　ugly　sea。'〃

〃I　tell　you　it　was　madness　to　let　'em　go　alone　on　such　a　day；〃　said　the　old　sailor　with　the　telescope。

〃And　I　tell　you　that　the　old　gentleman　pulls　as　good　an　oar　as　any　of　us；〃　retorted　another　man；　in　a　blue　jersey　and　a　sou'wester。

〃Old　gentleman；　indeed！〃　broke　in　the　coast　guardsman。　　〃Better　say　devil　at　once！　　Why；　man　alive！　Your　old　gentleman　is　Luke　Raeburn；　the　atheist。〃

〃God　forbid！〃　exclaimed　the　first　speaker；　lowering　his　telescope　for　a　moment。　　〃Why；　he　be　mighty　friendly　to　us　fishermen。〃

〃Where　be　they　now；　gaffer？　　D'ye　see　them？〃　asked　a　keen…looking　lad　of　seventeen。

〃Ay；　there　they　be！　　There　they　be！　　God　have　mercy　on　'em！　　They'll　be　swamped　sure　as　fate！〃

The　coast　guardsman；　with　provoked　sang…froid　and　indifference；　began　to　sing：

〃For　though　his　body's　under　hatches；　His　soul　is　gone　alo…o…ft。〃

And　then　breaking　off　into　a　sort　of　recitative。

〃Which　is　exactly　the　opposite　quarter　to　what　Luke　Raeburn's　soul　will　go；　I　guess。〃

〃Blowed　if　I　wouldn't　pull　an　oar　to　save　a　mate；　if　I　were　so　mighty　sure　he　was　going　to　the　devil！〃　observed　a　weather…beaten　seaman；　with　gold　earrings　and　a　good　deal　of　tattooing　on　his　brawny　arms。

〃Would　you　now！〃　said　the　coast　guardsman；　with　a　superior　and　sardonic　smile。　　〃Well；　in　my　'umble　opinion；　drowning's　too　good　for　him。〃

With　which　humane　utterance；　the　coast　guardsman　walked　off；　singing　of　Tom　who

〃Never　from　his　word　departed；　Whose　heart　was　kind　and　soft。〃

〃Well；　I；　for　one；　will　lend　a　hand　to　help　them。　　Now　then；　mates！　　Which　of　you　is　going　to　help　to　cheat　the　devil　of　his　due？〃　said　the　man　with　the　earrings。

Three　men　proffered　their　services；　but　the　old　seaman　with　the　telescope　checked　them。

〃Bide　a　bit；　mates；　bide　a　bit；　I'm　not　sure　you've　a　call　to　go。〃　　He　wiped　the　glasses　of　his　telescope　with　a　red　handkerchief；　and　then　looked　out　seaward　once　more。

In　the　meantime；　while　their　fate　was　being　discussed　on　the　shore；　Raeburn　and　Erica　were　face　to　face　with　death。　　They　were　a　long　way　from　land　before　the　wind　had　sprung　up　so　strongly。　Raeburn；　who　in　his　young　days　had　been　at　once　the　pride　and　anxiety　of　the　fishermen　round　his　Scottish　home；　and　noted　for　his　readiness　and　daring；　had　now　lost　the　freshness　of　his　experience；　and　had　grown　forgetful　of　weather　tokens。　　The　danger　was　upon　them　before　he　had　even　thought　of　it。　　The　strong　wind　blowing　upon　them；　the　delicious　salt　freshness；　even　the　brisk　motion；　had　been　such　a　relief　to　them　aft