we two- 第32部分

〃Well；　setting　aside　actual　proof；〃　she　resumed；　after　a　silence；　〃how　do　you　bring　it　down　even　to　a　probability　that　God　is？〃

〃We　must　all　of　us　start　with　a　supposition；〃　said　Charles　Osmond。　　〃There　must　on　the　one　hand　either　be　everlasting　matter　or　everlasting　force；　whether　these　be　two　real　existences；　or　whether　matter　be　only　force　conditioned；　or；　on　the　other　hand；　you　have　the　alternative　of　the　everlasting　'He。'　　You　at　present　base　your　belief　on　the　first　alternative。　　I　base　mine　on　the　last；　which；　I　grant　you；　is　at　the　outset　the　most　difficult　of　the　two。　　I　find；　however；　that　nine　times　out　of　ten　the　most　difficult　theory　is　the　truest。　　Granting　the　everlasting　'He；'　you　must　allow　self…　consciousness；　without　which　there　could　be　no　all　powerful；　all　knowledge…full；　and　all　love…full。　　We　will　not　quarrel　about　names；　call　the　Everlasting　what　you　please。　　'Father'　seems　to　me　at　once　the　highest　and　simplest　name。〃

〃But　evil！〃　broke　in　Erica；　triumphantly。　　〃If　He　originates　all；　he　must　originate　evil　as　well　as　good。〃

〃Certainly；〃　said　Charles　Osmond；　〃He　has　expressly　told　us　so。　　'I　form　the　light　and　create　darkness；　I　make　peace；　and　create　evil；　I；　the　Lord；　do　all　these　things。'〃

〃I　recollect　now；　we　spoke　of　this　two　or　three　years　ago；〃　said　Erica。　　〃You　said　that　the　highest　good　was　attained　by　passing　through　struggles　and　temptations。〃

〃Think　of　it　in　this　way；〃　said　Charles　Osmond。　　〃The　Father　is　educating　His　children；　what　education　was　ever　brought　about　without　pain？　　The　wise　human　father　does　not　so　much　shield　his　child　from　small　pains；　but　encourages　him　to　get　wisdom　from　them　for　the　future；　tries　to　teach　him　endurance　and　courage。　　Pain　is　necessary　as　an　element　in　education；　possibly　there　is　no　evolution　possible　without　it。　　The　father　may　regret　it；　but；　if　he　is　wise；　knows　that　it　must　be。　　He　suffers　twice　as　much　as　the　child　from　the　infliction　of　the　pain。　　The　All…Father；　being　at　once　all…knowing　and　all…loving；　can　see　the　end　of　the　education　while　we　only　see　it　in　process；　and　perhaps　exclaim：　'What　a　frightful　state　of　things；'　or　like　your　favorite　'Stephen　Blackpool；'　'It's　all　a　muddle。'〃

〃And　the　end　you　consider　to　be　perfection；　and　eternal　union　with　God。　　How　can　you　think　immortality　probable？〃

〃It　is　the　necessary　outcome　of　belief　in　such　a　God；　such　a　Father　as　we　have　spoken　of。　　What！　　Could　God　have　willed　that　His　children　whom　He　really　loves　should；　after　a　time；　fade　utterly　away？　　If　so；　He　would　be　less　loving　than　an　average　earthly　father。　　If　He　did　indeed　love　them；　and　would　fain　have　had　them　ever　with　Him；　but　could　not；　then　He　would　not　be　all…powerful。〃

〃I　see　you　a　universalist；　a　great　contrast　to　my　Early　Father　here；　who　gloats　over　the　delightful　prospect　of　watching　from　his　comfortable　heaven　the　tortures　of　all　unbelievers。　　But；　tell　me；　what　do　you　think　would　be　our　position　in　your　unseen　world？　　I　suppose　the　mere　realization　of　having　given　one's　life　in　a　mistaken　cause　would　be　about　the　most　terrible　pain　conceivable？〃

〃I　think；〃　said　Charles　Osmond；　with　one　of　his　grave；　quiet　smiles；　〃that　death　will　indeed　be　your　'gate　of　life；〃　that　seeing　the　light　you　will　come　to　your　true　self；　and　exclaim；　'Who'd　have　thought　it？'〃

The　every　day　language　sounded　quaint；　it　made　Erica　smile；　but　Charles　Osmond　continued；　with　a　brightness　in　his　eyes　which　she　was　far　from　understanding：　〃And　you　know　there　are　to　be　those　who　shall　say：　'Lord　when　saw　we　Thee　in　distress　and　helped　Thee？'　　They　had　not　recognized　Him　here；　but　He　recognized　them　there？　　They　shared　in　the　'Come　ye　blessed　of　my　Father。'〃

〃Well；〃　said　Erica；　thoughtfully；　〃if　any　Christianity　be　true；　it　must　be　your　loving　belief；　not　the　blood…thirsty　scheme　of　the　Calvinists。　　If　THAT　could　by　any　possibility　be　true；　I　should　greatly　prefer；　like　Kingsley's　dear　old　'Wulf；'　to　share　hell　with　my　own　people。〃

The　words　had　scarcely　left　her　lips　when；　with　a　startled　cry；　she　sprung　to　her　feet　and　hurried　to　the　door。　　The　next　moment　Charles　Osmond　saw　Tom　pass　the　window；　he　was　unmistakably　the　bearer　of　bad　news。

His　first　panting　words　were　reassuring　〃Brian　says　you　are　not　to　be　frightened；〃　but　they　were　evidently　the　mere　repetition　of　a　message。　　Tom　himself　was　almost　hopeless；　his　wrath　and　grief　become　more　apparent　every　minute　as　he　gave　an　incoherent　account　of　the　afternoon's　work。

The　brutes；　the　fiends；　had　half　killed　the　chieftain；　had　set　on　him　like　so　many　tigers。　　Brian　and　Hazeldine　were　bringing　him　home　had　sent　him　on　to　prepare。

Erica　had　listened　so　far　with　a　colorless　face；　and　hands　tightly　clasped；　but　the　word　〃prepare〃　seemed　to　bring　new　life　to　her。　　In　an　instant　she　was　her　strongest　self。　

〃They　will　never　try　to　take　him　up　that　steep　narrow　staircase。　　Quick；　Tom！　　Help　me　to　move　this　couch　into　the　study。〃

The　little　Irish　servant　was　pressed　into　the　service；　too；　and　sent　upstairs　to　fetch　and　carry；　and　in　a　very　few　minutes　the　preparations　were　complete；　and　Erica　had　at　hand　all　the　appliances　most　likely　to　be　needed。　　Just　as　all　was　done；　and　she　was　beginning　to　feel　that　a　minute's　pause　would　be　the　〃last　straw；〃　Tom　heard　the　sound　of　wheels　in　the　square；　and　hurried　out。　　Erica　stood　in　the　doorway　watching；　and　presently　saw　a　small　crowd　of　helpers　bearing　a　deathly　looking　burden。　　Whiteness　of　death　redness　of　blood。　　The　ground　seemed　rocking　beneath　her　feet；　when　a　strong　hand　took　hers　and　drew　her　into　the　house。

〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　said　a　voice；　which　she　knew　to　be　Brian's　though　a　black　mist　would　not　let　her　see　him。　　〃He　was　conscious　a　minute　ago；　this　is　only　from　the　pain　of　moving。　　Which　room？〃

〃The　study；〃　she　replied；　recovering　herself。　　〃Give　me　something　to　do；　Brian；　quickly。〃

He　saw　that　in　doing　lay　her　safety；　and　kept　her　fully　employed；　so　much　so；　indeed；　that　from　sheer　lack　of　time　she　was　able　to　stave　off　the　faintness　which　had　threatened　to　overpower　her。　　After　a　time　her　father　came　to　himself；　and　Erica's　face；　which　had　been　the　last　in　his　mind　in　full　consciousness；　was　the　first　which　now　presented　itself　to　his　awakening　gaze。　　He　smiled。

〃Well；　Erica！　　So；　after　all；　they　haven't　quite　done　for　me。　　Nine　lives　like　a　cat；　as　I　always　told　you。〃

His　voice　was　faint；　but　with　all　his　wonted　energy　he　raised　himself　before　they　could　remonstrate。　　He　was　far　more　injured；　however；　than　he　knew；　with　a　stifled　groan　he　fell　back　once　more　in　a　swoon；　and　it　was　many　hours　before　they　were　able　to　restore　him。

After　that；　fever　set　in；　and　a　shadow　as　of　death　fell　on　the　house　in　Guilford　Terrace。　　Doctors　came　and　went；　Brian　almost　lived　with　his　patient；　friends　Raeburn　had　hosts　of　them　came　with　help　of　every　description。　　The　gloomy　little　alley　admitted　every　day　crowds　of　inquirers；　who　came　to　the　door；　read　the　bulletin；　glanced　up　at　the　windows；　and　went　away　looking　graver　than　when　they　came。

Erica　lost　count　of　time　altogether。　　The　past　seemed　blotted　out；　the　weight　of　the　present　was　so　great　that　she　would　not　admit　any　thought　of　the　future；　though　conscious　always　of　a　blank　dread　which　she　dared　not　pause　to　analyze；　sufficient　indeed　for　her　day　was　the　evil　thereof。　　She　struggled　on　somehow　with　a　sort　of　despairing　strength；　only　once　or　twice　did　she　even　recollect　the　outside　world。

It　happened　that　on　the　first　Wednesday　after　the　Hyde　Park　meeting　some　one　mentioned　the　day　of　the　week　in　her　hearing。　　She　was　in　the　sick…room　at　the　time；　but　at　once　remembered　that　her　week's　work　was　untouched；　that　she　had　not　written　a　line　for　the　〃Idol…Breaker。〃　　Every　idea　seemed　to　have　gone　out　of　her　head；　for　a　minute　she　felt　that　to　save　her　life　she　could　not　write　a　line。　　But　still　she　conscientiously　struggled　to　remember　what　subject　had　been　allotted　her；　and　in　the　temporary　stillness　of　the　first　night…watch　drew　writing　materials　toward　her；　and　leaned　her　head　on　her　hands　until；　almost　by　an　effort　of　will；　she　at　length　recalled　the　theme　for　her　article。

Of　course！　　It　was　to　be　that　disgraceful　disturbance　in　the　church　at　Z______。　　She　remembered　the　whole　affair　now；　it　all　rose　up　before　her　graphically　not　a　bad　subject　at　all！　　Their　party　might　make　a　good　deal　by　it。　　Her　article　must　be　bright；　descriptive；　sarcastic。　　Yet　how　was　she　to　write　such　an　article　when　her　heart　felt　like　lead？　　An　involuntary　〃I　can't　〃　rose　to　her　lips；　and　she　glanced　at　her　father's　motionless　form；　her　eyes　filling　with　tears。　　Then　one　of　his　sayings　came　to　her　mind：　〃No　such　word　as　'Can't'　in　the　dictionary；〃　and　began　to　write　rapidly　almost　defiantly。　　No　sooner　had　she　begun　than　her　very　exhaustion；　the　lateness　of　the　hour；　and　the　stress　of　circumstance　came　to　her　aid　she　had　never　before　written　so　brilliantly。

The　humor　of　the　scene　struck　her；　little　flashes　of　mirth　at　the　expense　of　both　priest　and　people；　delicate　sarcasms；　the　more　searching　from　their　very　refinement；　awoke　in　her　brain　and　were　swiftly　transcribed。　　In　the　middle　of　one　of　the　most　daring　sentences　Raeburn　stirred。　　Erica's　pen　was　thrown　down　at　once；　she　was　at　his　side　absorbed　once　more　in　attending　to　his　wants；　forgetful　quite　of　religious　controversy；　of　the〃Idol…Breaker；〃　of　anything　in　fact　in　the　whole　world　but　her　father。　　Not　till　an　hour　had　passed　was　she　free　to　finish　her　writing；　but　by　the　time　her　aunt　came　to　relieve　guard　at　two　o'clock　the　article　was　finished　and　Erica　stole　noiselessly　into　the　next　room　to　put　it　up。

To　her　surprise　she　found　that　Tom　had　not　gone　to　bed。　　He　was　still　toiling　away　at　his　desk　with　a　towel　round　his　head；　she　could　almost　have　smiled　at　the　ludicrous　mixture　of　grief　and　sleepiness　on　his　face；　had　not　her　own　heart　been　so　loaded　with　care　and　sadness。　　The　post　brought　in　what　Tom　described　as　〃bushels〃　of　letters　every　day；　and　he　was　working　away　at　them　now　with　sleepy　heroism。

〃How　tired　you　look；〃　said　Erica。　　〃See！　　I　have　brought　in　this　for　the　'Idol。'〃

〃You've　been　writing　it　now！　　That　is　good　of　you。　　I　was　afraid　we　should　have　to　make　up　with　some　wretched　padding　of　Blank's。〃