could not look； it hurt his eyes。 Her fine limbs lifted and
lifted； her hair was sticking out all fierce； and her belly；
big； strange； terrifying； uplifted to the Lord。 Her face was
rapt and beautiful； she danced exulting before her Lord； and
knew no man。
It hurt him as he watched as if he were at the stake。 He felt
he was being burned alive。 The strangeness； the power of her in
her dancing consumed him； he was burned； he could not grasp； he
could not understand。 He waited obliterated。 Then his eyes
became blind to her； he saw her no more。 And through the
unseeing veil between them he called to her； in his jarring
voice：
〃What are you doing that for？〃
〃Go away；〃 she said。 〃Let me dance by myself。〃
〃That isn't dancing；〃 he said harshly。 〃What do you want to
do that for？〃
〃I don't do it for you；〃 she said。 〃You go away。〃
Her strange； lifted belly； big with his child！ Had he no
right to be there？ He felt his presence a violation。 Yet he had
his right to be there。 He went and sat on the bed。
She stopped dancing； and confronted him； again lifting her
slim arms and twisting at her hair。 Her nakedness hurt her；
opposed to him。
〃I can do as I like in my bedroom；〃 she cried。 〃Why do you
interfere with me？〃
And she slipped on a dressinggown and crouched before the
fire。 He was more at ease now she was covered up。 The vision of
her tormented him all the days of his life； as she had been
then； a strange； exalted thing having no relation to
himself。
After this day； the door seemed to shut on his mind。 His brow
shut and became impervious。 His eyes ceased to see； his hands
were suspended。 Within himself his will was coiled like a beast；
hidden under the darkness； but always potent； working。
At first she went on blithely enough with him shut down
beside her。 But then his spell began to take hold of her。 The
dark； seething potency of him； the power of a creature that lies
hidden and exerts its will to the destruction of the
freerunning creature； as the tiger lying in the darkness of the
leaves steadily enforces the fall and death of the light
creatures that drink by the waterside in the morning； gradually
began to take effect on her。 Though he lay there in his darkness
and did not move； yet she knew he lay waiting for her。 She felt
his will fastening on her and pulling her down； even whilst he
was silent and obscure。
She found that； in all her outgoings and her inings； he
prevented her。 Gradually she realized that she was being borne
down by him； borne down by the clinging； heavy weight of him；
that he was pulling her down as a leopard clings to a wild cow
and exhausts her and pulls her down。
Gradually she realized that her life； her freedom； was
sinking under the silent grip of his physical will。 He wanted
her in his power。 He wanted to devour her at leisure； to have
her。 At length she realized that her sleep was a long ache and a
weariness and exhaustion； because of his will fastened upon her；
as he lay there beside her； during the night。
She realized it all； and there came a momentous pause； a
pause in her swift running； a moment's suspension in her life；
when she was lost。
Then she turned fiercely on him； and fought him。 He was not
to do this to her； it was monstrous。 What horrible hold did he
want to have over her body？ Why did he want to drag her down；
and kill her spirit？ Why did he want to deny her spirit？ Why did
he deny her spirituality； hold her for a body only？ And was he
to claim her carcase？
Some vast； hideous darkness he seemed to represent to
her。
〃What do you do to me？〃 she cried。 〃What beastly thing do you
do to me？ You put a horrible pressure on my head； you don't let
me sleep； you don't let me live。 Every moment of your life you
are doing something to me； something horrible； that destroys me。
There is something horrible in you； something dark and beastly
in your will。 What do you want of me？ What do you want to do to
me？〃
All the blood in his body went black and powerful and
corrosive as he heard her。 Black and blind with hatred of her he
was。 He was in a very black hell； and could not escape。
He hated her for what she said。 Did he not give her
everything； was she not everything to him？ And the shame was a
bitter fire in him； that she was everything to him； that he had
nothing but her。 And then that she should taunt him with it；
that he could not escape！ The fire went black in his veins。 For
try as he might； he could not escape。 She was everything to him；
she was his life and his derivation。 He depended on her。 If she
were taken away； he would collapse as a house from which the
central pillar is removed。
And she hated him； because he depended on her so utterly。 He
was horrible to her。 She wanted to thrust him off； to set him
apart。 It was horrible that he should cleave to her； so close；
so close； like leopard that had leapt on her； and fastened。
He went on from day to day in a blackness of rage and shame
and frustration。 How he tortured himself； to be able to get away
from her。 But he could not。 She was as the rock on which he
stood； with deep； heaving water all round； and he was unable to
swim。 He must take his stand on her； he must depend on
her。
What had he in life； save her？ Nothing。 The rest was a great
heaving flood。 The terror of the night of heaving； overwhelming
flood； which was his vision of life without her； was too much
for him。 He clung to her fiercely and abjectly。
And she beat him off； she beat him off。 Where could he turn；
like a swimmer in a dark sea； beaten off from his hold； whither
could he turn？ He wanted to leave her； he wanted to be able to
leave her。 For his soul's sake； for his manhood's sake； he must
be able to leave her。
But for what？ She was the ark； and the rest of the world was
flood。 The only tangible； secure thing was the woman。 He could
leave her only for another woman。 And where was the other woman；
and who was the other woman？ Besides； he would be just in the
same state。 Another woman would be woman； the case would be the
same。
Why was she the all； the everything； why must he live only
through her； why must he sink if he were detached from her？ Why
must he cleave to her in a frenzy as for his very life？
The only other way to leave her was to die。 The only straight
way to leave her was to die。 His dark； raging soul knew that。
But he had no desire for death。
Why could he not leave her？ Why could he not throw himself
into the hidden water to live or die； as might be？ He could not；
he could not。 But supposing he went away； right away； and found
work； and had a lodging again。 He could be again as he had been
before。
But he knew he could not。 A woman； he must have a woman。 And
having a woman； he must be free of her。 It would be the same
position。 For he could not be free of her。
For how can a man stand； unless he have something sure under
his feet。 Can a man tread the unstable water all his life； and
call that standing？ Better give in and drown at once。
And upon what could he stand； save upon a woman？ Was he then
like the old man of the seas； impotent to move save upon the
back of another life？ Was he impotent； or a cripple； or a
defective； or a fragment？
It was black； mad； shameful torture； the frenzy of fear； the
frenzy of desire； and the horrible； grasping backwash of
shame。
What was he afraid of？ Why did life； without Anna； seem to
him just a horrible welter； everything jostling in a
meaningless； dark； fathomless flood？ Why； if Anna left him even
for a week； did he seem to be clinging like a madman to the edge
of reality； and slipping surely； surely into the flood of
unreality that would drown him。 This horrible slipping into
unreality drove him mad； his soul screamed with fear and
agony。
Yet she was pushing him off from her； pushing him away；
breaking his fingers from their hold on her； persistently；
ruthlessly。 He wanted her to have pity。 And sometimes for a
moment she had pity。 But she always began again； thrusting him
off； into the deep water； into the frenzy and agony of
uncertainty。
She became like a fury to him； without any sense of him。 Her
eyes were bright with a cold； unmoving hatred。 Then his heart
seemed to die in its last fear。 She might push him off into the
deeps。
She would not sleep with him any more。 She said he destroyed
her sleep。 Up started all his frenzy and madness of fear and
suffering。 She drove him away。 Like a cowed； lurking devil he
was driven off； his mind working cunningly against her； devising
evil for her。 But she drove him off。 In his moments of intense
suffering； she seemed to him inconceivable； a monster； the
principle of cruelty。
However her pity might give way for moments； she was hard and
cold as a jewel。 He must be put off from her； she must sleep
alone。 She made him a bed in the small room。
And he lay there whipped； his soul whipped almost to death；
yet unchanged。 He lay in agony of suffering； thrown back into
unreality； like a man thrown overboard into a sea； to swim till
he sinks； because there is no hold； only a wide； weltering
sea。
He did not sleep； save for the white sleep when a thin veil
is drawn over the mind。 It was not sleep。 He was awake； and he
was not awake。 He could not be alone。 He needed to be able to
put his arms round her。 He could not bear the empty space
against his breast； where she used to be。 He could not bear it。
He felt as if he were suspended in space； held there by the grip
of his will。 If he relaxed his will would fall； fall through
endless space； into the bottomless pit； always falling；
willless； helpless； nonexistent； just dropping to extinction；
falling till the fire of friction had burned out； like a falling
star； then nothing； nothing； plete nothing。
He rose in the morning grey and unreal。 And she seemed fond
of him again； she seemed to make up to him a little。
〃I slept well；〃 she said； with her slightly false brightness。
〃Did you？〃
〃All right；〃 he answered。
He would never tell her。
For three or four nights he lay alone through the white
sleep； his will unchanged； unchanged； still tense； fixed in its
grip。 Then； as if she were revived and free to be fond of him
again；