The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第36部分

But　she　did　not　care　for　the　Adam　and　Eve；　and　he　never　put
another　stroke　to　it。　She　jeered　at　the　Eve；　saying；　〃She　is
like　a　little　mariote。　Why　is　she　so　small？　You've　made　Adam
as　big　as　God；　and　Eve　like　a　doll。〃

〃It　is　impudence　to　say　that　Woman　was　made　out　of　Man's
body；〃　she　continued；　〃when　every　man　is　born　of　woman。　What
impudence　men　have；　what　arrogance！〃

In　a　rage　one　day；　after　trying　to　work　on　the　board；　and
failing；　so　that　his　belly　was　a　flame　of　nausea；　he　chopped　up
the　whole　panel　and　put　it　on　the　fire。　She　did　not　know。　He
went　about　for　some　days　very　quiet　and　subdued　after　it。

〃Where　is　the　Adam　and　Eve　board？〃　she　asked　him。

〃Burnt。〃

She　looked　at　him。

〃But　your　carving？〃

〃I　burned　it。〃

〃When？〃

She　did　not　believe　him。

〃On　Friday　night。〃

〃When　I　was　at　the　Marsh？〃

〃Yes。〃

She　said　no　more。

Then；　when　he　had　gone　to　work；　she　wept　for　a　whole　day；　and
was　much　chastened　in　spirit。　So　that　a　new；　fragile　flame　of
love　came　out　of　the　ashes　of　this　last　pain。

Directly；　it　occurred　to　her　that　she　was　with　child。　There
was　a　great　trembling　of　wonder　and　anticipation　through　her
soul。　She　wanted　a　child。　Not　that　she　loved　babies　so　much；
though　she　was　touched　by　all　young　things。　But　she　wanted　to
bear　children。　And　a　certain　hunger　in　her　heart　wanted　to　unite
her　husband　with　herself；　in　a　child。

She　wanted　a　son。　She　felt；　a　son　would　be　everything。　She
wanted　to　tell　her　husband。　But　it　was　such　a　trembling；
intimate　thing　to　tell　him；　and　he　was　at　this　time　hard　and
unresponsive。　So　that　she　went　away　and　wept。　It　was　such　a
waste　of　a　beautiful　opportunity；　such　a　frost　that　nipped　in
the　bud　one　of　the　beautiful　moments　of　her　life。　She　went　about
heavy　and　tremulous　with　her　secret；　wanting　to　touch　him；　oh；
most　delicately；　and　see　his　face；　dark　and　sensitive；　attend　to
her　news。　She　waited　and　waited　for　him　to　bee　gentle　and
still　towards　her。　But　he　was　always　harsh　and　he　bullied
her。

So　that　the　buds　shrivelled　from　her　confidence；　she　was
chilled。　She　went　down　to　the　Marsh。

〃Well；〃　said　her　father；　looking　at　her　and　seeing　her　at　the
first　glance；　〃what's　amiss　wi'　you　now？〃

The　tears　came　at　the　touch　of　his　careful　love。

〃Nothing；〃　she　said。

〃Can't　you　hit　it　off；　you　two？〃　he　said。

〃He's　so　obstinate；〃　she　quivered；　but　her　soul　was　obdurate
itself。

〃Ay；　an'　I　know　another　who's　all　that；〃　said　her　father。

She　was　silent。

〃You　don't　want　to　make　yourselves　miserable；〃　said　her
father；　〃all　about　nowt。〃

〃He　isn't　miserable；〃　she　said。

〃I'll　back　my　life；　if　you　can　do　nowt　else；　you　can　make　him
as　miserable　as　a　dog。　You'd　be　a　dab　hand　at　that；　my
lass。〃

〃I　do　nothing　to　make　him　miserable；〃　she　retorted。

〃Oh　nooh　no！　A　packet　o'　butterscotch；　you　are。〃

She　laughed　a　little。

〃You　mustn't　think　I　want　him　to　be　miserable；〃　she
cried。　〃I　don't。〃

〃We　quite　readily　believe　it；〃　retorted　Brangwen。　〃Neither　do
you　intend　him　to　be　hopping　for　joy　like　a　fish　in　a　pond。〃

This　made　her　think。　She　was　rather　surprised　to　find　that
she　did　not　intend　her　husband　to　be　hopping　for　joy　like
a　fish　in　a　pond。

Her　mother　came；　and　they　all　sat　down　to　tea；　talking
casually。

〃Remember；　child；〃　said　her　mother；　〃that　everything　is　not
waiting　for　your　hand　just　to　take　or　leave。　You　mustn't
expect　it。　Between　two　people；　the　love　itself　is　the　important
thing；　and　that　is　neither　you　nor　him。　It　is　a　third　thing　you
must　create。　You　mustn't　expect　it　to　be　just　your　way。〃

〃Hanor　do　I。　If　I　did　I　should　soon　find　my　mistake　out。　If
I　put　my　hand　out　to　take　anything；　my　hand　is　very　soon
bitten；　I　can　tell　you。〃

〃Then　you　must　mind　where　you　put　your　hand；〃　said　her
father。

Anna　was　rather　indignant　that　they　took　the　tragedy　of　her
young　married　life　ity。

〃You　love　the　man　right　enough；〃　said　her　father；　wrinkling
his　forehead　in　distress。　〃That's　all　as　counts。〃

〃I　do　love　him；　more　shame　to　him；〃　she　cried。　〃I　want
to　tell　himI've　been　waiting　for　four　days　now　to　tell
him〃　her　face　began　to　quiver；　the　tears　came。　Her
parents　watched　her　in　silence。　She　did　not　go　on。

〃Tell　him　what？〃　said　her　father。

〃That　we're　going　to　have　an　infant；〃　she　sobbed；　〃and　he's
never；　never　let　me；　not　once；　every　time　I've　e　to　him；　he's
been　horrid　to　me；　and　I　wanted　to　tell　him；　I　did。　And　he　won't
let　mehe's　cruel　to　me。〃

She　sobbed　as　if　her　heart　would　break。　Her　mother　went　and
forted　her；　put　her　arms　round　her；　and　held　her　close。　Her
father　sat　with　a　queer；　wrinkled　brow；　and　was　rather　paler
than　usual。　His　heart　went　tense　with　hatred　of　his
soninlaw。

So　that；　when　the　tale　was　sobbed　out；　and　fort
administered　and　tea　sipped；　and　something　like　calm　restored　to
the　little　circle；　the　thought　of　Will　Brangwen's　entry　was　not
pleasantly　entertained。

Tilly　was　set　to　watch　out　for　him　as　he　passed　by　on　his　way
home。　The　little　party　at　table　heard　the　woman's　servant's
shrill　call：

〃You've　got　to　e　in；　Will。　Anna's　here。〃

After　a　few　moments；　the　youth　entered。

〃Are　you　stopping？〃　he　asked　in　his　hard；　harsh　voice。

He　seemed　like　a　blade　of　destruction　standing　there。　She
quivered　to　tears。

〃Sit　you　down；〃　said　Tom　Brangwen；　〃an'　take　a　bit　off　your
length。〃

Will　Brangwen　sat　down。　He　felt　something　strange　in　the
atmosphere。　He　was　dark　browed；　but　his　eyes　had　the　keen；
intent；　sharp　look；　as　if　he　could　only　see　in　the　distance；
which　was　a　beauty　in　him；　and　which　made　Anna　so　angry。

〃Why　does　he　always　deny　me？〃　she　said　to　herself。　〃Why　is　it
nothing　to　him；　what　I　am？〃

And　Tom　Brangwen；　blueeyed　and　warm；　sat　in　opposition　to
the　youth。

〃How　long　are　you　stopping？〃　the　young　husband　asked　his
wife。

〃Not　very　long；〃　she　said。

〃Get　your　tea；　lad；〃　said　Tom　Brangwen。　〃Are　you　itchin'　to
be　off　the　moment　you　enter？〃

They　talked　of　trivial　things。　Through　the　open　door　the
level　rays　of　sunset　poured　in；　shining　on　the　floor。　A　grey　hen
appeared　stepping　swiftly　in　the　doorway；　pecking；　and　the　light
through　her　b　and　her　wattles　made　an　oriflamme　tossed　here
and　there；　as　she　went；　her　grey　body　was　like　a　ghost。

Anna；　watching；　threw　scraps　of　bread；　and　she　felt　the　child
flame　within　her。　She　seemed　to　remember　again　fotten；
burning；　faroff　things。

〃Where　was　I　born；　mother？〃　she　asked。

〃In　London。〃

〃And　was　my　father〃she　spoke　of　him　as　if　he　were
merely　a　strange　name：　she　could　never　connect　herself　with
him〃was　he　dark？〃

〃He　had　darkbrown　hair　and　dark　eyes　and　a　fresh　colouring。
He　went　bald；　rather　bald；　when　he　was　quite　young；〃　replied　her
mother；　also　as　if　telling　a　tale　which　was　just　old
imagination。

〃Was　he　goodlooking？〃

〃Yeshe　was　very　goodlookingrather　small。　I
have　never　seen　an　Englishman　who　looked　like　him。〃

〃Why？〃

〃He　was〃the　mother　made　a　quick；　running　movement　with
her　hands〃his　figure　was　alive　and　changingit　was
never　fixed。　He　was　not　in　the　least　steadylike　a　running
stream。〃

It　flashed　over　the　youthAnna　too　was　like　a　running
stream。　Instantly　he　was　in　love　with　her　again。

Tom　Brangwen　was　frightened。　His　heart　always　filled　with
fear；　fear　of　the　unknown；　when　he　heard　his　women　speak　of
their　bygone　men　as　of　strangers　they　had　known　in　passing　and
had　taken　leave　of　again。

In　the　room；　there　came　a　silence　and　a　singleness　over　all
their　hearts。　They　were　separate　people　with　separate　destinies。
Why　should　they　seek　each　to　lay　violent　hands　of　claim　on　the
other？

The　young　people　went　home　as　a　sharp　little　moon　was　setting
in　the　dusk　of　spring。　Tufts　of　trees　hovered　in　the　upper　air；
the　little　church　pricked　up　shadowily　at　the　top　of　the　hill；
the　earth　was　a　dark　blue　shadow。

She　put　her　hand　lightly　on　his　arm；　out　of　her　far　distance。
And　out　of　the　distance；　he　felt　her　touch　him。　They　walked　on；
hand　in　hand；　along　opposite　horizons；　touching　across　the　dusk。
There　was　a　sound　of　thrushes　calling　in　the　dark　blue
twilight。

〃I　think　we　are　going　to　have　an　infant；　Bill；〃　she　said；
from　far　off。

He　trembled；　and　his　fingers　tightened　on　hers。

〃Why？〃　he　asked；　his　heart　beating。　〃You　don't　know？〃

〃I　do；〃　she　said。

They　continued　without　saying　any　more；　walking　along
opposite　horizons；　hand　in　hand　across　the　intervening　space；
two　separate　people。　And　he　trembled　as　if　a　wind　blew　on　to　him
in　strong　gusts；　out　of　the　unseen。　He　was　afraid。　He　was　afraid
to　know　he　was　alone。　For　she　seemed　fulfilled　and　separate　and
sufficient　in　her　half　of　the　world。　He　could　not　bear　to　know
that　he　was　cut　off。　Why　could　he　not　be　always　one　with　her？　It
was　he　who　had　given　her　the　child。　Why　could　she　not　be　with
him；　one　with　him？　Why　must　he　be　set　in　this　separateness；　why
could　she　not　be　with　him；　close；　close；　as　one　with　him？　She
must　be　one　with　him。

He　held　her　fingers　tightly　in　his　own。　She　did　not　know　what
he　was　thinking。　The　blaze　of　light　on　her　heart　was　too
beautiful　and　dazzling；　from　the　conception　in　her　womb。　She
walked　glorified；　and　the　sound　of　the　thrushes；　of　the　trains
in　the　valley；　of　the　faroff；　faint　noises　of　the　town；　were
her　〃Magnificat〃。

But　he　was　struggling　in　silence。　It　seemed　as　though　there
were　before　him　a　solid　wall　of　darkness　that　impeded　him　and
suffocated　him　and　made　him　mad。　He　wanted　her　to　e　to　him；
to　plete　him；　to　stand　before　him　so　that　his　eyes　did　not；
should　not　meet　the　naked　darkness。　Nothing　mattered　to　him　but
that　she　should　e　and　plete　him。　For　he　was　ridden　by　the
awful　sense　of　his　own　limitation。　It　was　as　if　he　ended
unpleted；　as　yet　uncreated　on　the　darkness；　and　he　wanted　her
to　e　and　liberate　him　into　the　whole。

But　she　was　plete　in　herself；　and　he　was　ashamed　of　his
need；　his　helpless　need　of　her。　His　need；　and　his　shame　of　need；
weighed　on　him　like　a　madness。　Yet　still　he　was　quiet　and
gentle；　in　reverence　of　her　conception；　and　because　she　was　with
child　by　him。

And　she　was　happy　in　showers　of　sunshine。　She　loved　her
husband；　as　a　presence；　as　a　grateful　condition。　But　for　the
moment　her　need　was　fulfilled；　and　now　she　wanted　only　t