all roads lead to calvary- 第44部分

〃But　perhaps　you've　changed　your　mind；〃　he　said。　　〃It　isn't　quite　as　pretty　as　it's　painted。〃

〃I　want　to；〃　she　answered。　　〃It　isn't　all　curiosity。　　I　think　it's　time　for　women　to　insist　on　seeing　war　with　their　own　eyes；　not　trust　any　longer　to　the　pictures　you　men　paint。〃　　She　smiled。

〃But　I've　got　to　give　it　up；〃　she　added。　　〃I　can't　leave　Dad。〃

They　were　sitting　in　the　hall　of　the　hotel。　　It　was　the　dressing　hour　and　the　place　was　almost　empty。　　He　shot　a　swift　glance　at　her。

〃Arthur　is　still　away；〃　she　explained；　〃and　I　feel　that　he　wants　me。　　I　should　be　worrying　myself；　thinking　of　him　all　alone　with　no　one　to　look　after　him。　　It's　the　mother　instinct　I　suppose。　　It　always　has　hampered　woman。〃　　She　laughed。

〃Dear　old　boy；〃　he　said。　　He　was　watching　her　with　a　little　smile。　〃I'm　glad　he's　got　some　luck　at　last。〃

They　dined　in　the　great　restaurant　belonging　to　the　hotel。　　He　was　still　vastly　pleased　with　himself　as　he　marched　up　the　crowded　room　with　Joan　upon　his　arm。　　He　held　himself　upright　and　talked　and　laughed　perhaps　louder　than　an　elderly　gentleman　should。　〃Swaggering　old　beggar；〃　he　must　have　overheard　a　young　sub。　mutter　as　they　passed。　　But　he　did　not　seem　to　mind　it。

They　lingered　over　the　meal。　　Folk　was　a　brilliant　talker。　　Most　of　the　men　whose　names　were　filling　the　newspapers　had　sat　to　him　at　one　time　or　another。　　He　made　them　seem　quite　human。　　Joan　was　surprised　at　the　time。

〃Come　up　to　my　rooms；　will　you？〃　he　asked。　　〃There's　something　I　want　to　say　to　you。　　And　then　I'll　walk　back　with　you。〃　　She　was　staying　at　a　small　hotel　off　Jermyn　Street。

He　sat　her　down　by　the　fire　and　went　into　the　next　room。　　He　had　a　letter　in　his　hand　when　he　returned。　　Joan　noticed　that　the　envelope　was　written　upon　across　the　corner；　but　she　was　not　near　enough　to　distinguish　the　handwriting。　　He　placed　it　on　the　mantelpiece　and　sat　down　opposite　her。

〃So　you　have　come　to　love　the　dear　old　chap；〃　he　said。

〃I　have　always　loved　him；〃　Joan　answered。　　〃It　was　he　didn't　love　me；　for　a　time；　as　I　thought。　　But　I　know　now　that　he　does。〃

He　was　silent　for　a　few　moments；　and　then　he　leant　across　and　took　her　hands　in　his。

〃I　am　going；〃　he　said；　〃where　there　is　just　the　possibility　of　an　accident：　　one　never　knows。　　I　wanted　to　be　sure　that　all　was　well　with　you。〃

He　was　looking　at　the　ring　upon　her　hand。

〃A　soldier　boy？〃　he　asked。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered。　　〃If　he　comes　back。〃　　There　was　a　little　catch　in　her　voice。

〃I　know　he'll　come　back；〃　he　said。　　〃I　won't　tell　you　why　I　am　so　sure。　　Perhaps　you　wouldn't　believe。〃　　He　was　still　holding　her　hands；　looking　into　her　eyes。

〃Tell　me；〃　he　said；　〃did　you　see　your　mother　before　she　died。　　Did　she　speak　to　you？〃

〃No；〃　Joan　answered。　　〃I　was　too　late。　　She　had　died　the　night　before。　　I　hardly　recognized　her　when　I　saw　her。　　She　looked　so　sweet　and　young。〃

〃She　loved　you　very　dearly；〃　he　said。　　〃Better　than　herself。　　All　those　years　of　sorrow：　　they　came　to　her　because　of　that。　　I　thought　it　foolish　of　her　at　the　time；　but　now　I　know　she　was　wise。　I　want　you　always　to　love　and　honour　her。　　I　wouldn't　ask　you　if　it　wasn't　right。〃

She　looked　at　him　and　smiled。　　〃It's　quite　easy；〃　she　answered。　　〃I　always　see　her　as　she　lay　there　with　all　the　sorrow　gone　from　her。　She　looked　so　beautiful　and　kind。〃

He　rose　and　took　the　letter　from　where　he　had　placed　it　on　the　mantelpiece。　　He　stooped　and　held　it　out　above　the　fire　and　a　little　flame　leaped　up　and　seemed　to　take　it　from　his　hand。

They　neither　spoke　during　the　short　walk　between　the　two　hotels。　But　at　the　door　she　turned　and　held　out　her　hands　to　him。

〃Thank　you；〃　she　said；　〃for　being　so　kindand　wise。　　I　shall　always　love　and　honour　her。〃

He　kissed　her；　promising　to　take　care　of　himself。

She　ran　against　Phillips；　the　next　day；　at　one　of　the　big　stores　where　she　was　shopping。　　He　had　obtained　a　commission　early　in　the　war　and　was　now　a　captain。　　He　had　just　come　back　from　the　front　on　leave。　　The　alternative　had　not　appealed　to　him；　of　being　one　of　those　responsible　for　sending　other　men　to　death　while　remaining　himself　in　security　and　comfort。

〃It's　a　matter　of　temperament；〃　he　said。　　〃Somebody's　got　to　stop　behind　and　do　the　patriotic　speechifying。　　I'm　glad　I　didn't。　Especially　after　what　I've　seen。〃

He　had　lost　interest　in　politics。

〃There's　something　bigger　coming；〃　he　said。　　〃Here　everything　seems　to　be　going　on　much　the　same；　but　over　there　you　feel　it。　Something　growing　silently　out　of　all　this　blood　and　mud。　　I　find　myself　wondering　what　the　men　are　staring　at；　but　when　I　look　there's　nothing　as　far　as　my　field…glasses　will　reach　but　waste　and　desolation。　　And　it　isn't　only　on　the　faces　of　our　own　men。　　It's　in　the　eyes　of　the　prisoners　too。　　As　if　they　saw　something。　　A　funny　ending　to　the　war；　if　the　people　began　to　think。〃

Mrs。　Phillips　was　running　a　Convalescent　Home　in　Folkestone；　he　told　her；　and　had　even　made　a　speech。　　Hilda　was　doing　relief　work　among　the　ruined　villages　of　France。

〃It's　a　new　world　we　shall　be　called　upon　to　build；〃　he　said。　　〃We　must　pay　more　heed　to　the　foundation　this　time。〃

She　seldom　discussed　the　war　with　her　father。　　At　the　beginning；　he　had　dreamed　with　Greyson　of　a　short　and　glorious　campaign　that　should　weld　all　classes　together；　and　after　which　we　should　forgive　our　enemies　and　shape　with　them　a　better　world。　　But　as　the　months　went　by；　he　appeared　to　grow　indifferent；　and　Joan；　who　got　about　twelve　hours　a　day　of　it　outside；　welcomed　other　subjects。

It　surprised　her　when　one　evening　after　dinner　he　introduced　it　himself。

〃What　are　you　going　to　do　when　it's　over？〃　he　asked　her。　　〃You　won't　give　up　the　fight；　will　you；　whatever　happens？〃　　She　had　not　known　till　then　that　he　had　been　taking　any　interest　in　her　work。

〃No；〃　she　answered　with　a　laugh；　〃no　matter　what　happens；　I　shall　always　want　to　be　in　it。〃

〃Good　lad；〃　he　said；　patting　her　on　the　shoulder。　　〃It　will　be　an　ugly　world　that　will　come　out　of　all　this　hate　and　anger。　　The　Lord　will　want　all　the　help　that　He　can　get。〃

〃And　you　don't　forget　our　compact；　do　you？〃　he　continued；　〃that　I　am　to　be　your　backer。　　I　want　to　be　in　it　too。〃

She　shot　a　glance　at　him。　　He　was　looking　at　the　portrait　of　that　old　Ironside　Allway　who　had　fought　and　died　to　make　a　nobler　England；　as　he　had　dreamed。　　A　grim；　unprepossessing　gentleman；　unless　the　artist　had　done　him　much　injustice；　with　high；　narrow　forehead；　and　puzzled；　staring　eyes。

She　took　the　cigarette　from　her　lips　and　her　voice　trembled　a　little。

〃I　want　you　to　be　something　more　to　me　than　that；　sir；〃　she　said。　〃I　want　to　feel　that　I'm　an　Allway；　fighting　for　the　things　we've　always　had　at　heart。　　I'll　try　and　be　worthy　of　the　name。〃

Her　hand　stole　out　to　him　across　the　table；　but　she　kept　her　face　away　from　him。　　Until　she　felt　his　grasp　grow　tight；　and　then　she　turned　and　their　eyes　met。

〃You'll　be　the　last　of　the　name；〃　he　said。　　〃Something　tells　me　that。　　I'm　glad　you're　a　fighter。　　I　always　prayed　my　child　might　be　a　fighter。〃

Arthur　had　not　been　home　since　the　beginning　of　the　war。　　Twice　he　had　written　them　to　expect　him；　but　the　little　fleet　of　mine　sweepers　had　been　hard　pressed；　and　on　both　occasions　his　leave　had　been　stopped　at　the　last　moment。　　One　afternoon　he　turned　up　unexpectedly　at　the　hospital。　　It　was　a　few　weeks　after　the　Conscription　Act　had　been　passed。

Joan　took　him　into　her　room　at　the　end　of　the　ward；　from　where；　through　the　open　door；　she　could　still　keep　watch。　　They　spoke　in　low　tones。

〃It's　done　you　good；〃　said　Joan。　　〃You　look　every　inch　the　jolly　Jack　Tar。〃　　He　was　hard　and　tanned；　and　his　eyes　were　marvellously　bright。

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃I　love　the　sea。　　It's　clean　and　strong。〃

A　fear　was　creeping　over　her。　　〃Why　have　you　come　back？〃　she　asked。

He　hesitated；　keeping　his　eyes　upon　the　ground。

〃I　don't　suppose　you　will　agree　with　me；〃　he　said。　　〃Somehow　I　felt　I　had　to。〃

A　Conscientious　Objector。　　She　might　have　guessed　it。　　A　〃Conchy；〃　as　they　would　call　him　in　the　Press：　　all　the　spiteful　screamers　who　had　never　risked　a　scratch；　themselves；　denouncing　him　as　a　coward。　　The　local　Dogberrys　of　the　tribunals　would　fire　off　their　little　stock　of　gibes　and　platitudes　upon　him；　propound　with　owlish　solemnity　the　new　Christianity；　abuse　him　and　condemn　him；　without　listening　to　him。　　Jeering　mobs　would　follow　him　through　the　streets。　　More　than　once；　of　late；　she　had　encountered　such　crowds　made　up　of　shrieking　girls　and　foul…mouthed　men；　surging　round　some　white…faced　youngster　while　the　well…dressed　passers…by　looked　on　and　grinned。

She　came　to　him　and　stood　over　him　with　her　hands　upon　his　shoulders。

〃Must　you；　dear？〃　she　said。　　〃Can't　you　reconcile　it　to　yourself　to　go　on　with　your　work　of　mercy；　of　saving　poor　folks'　lives？〃

He　raised　his　eyes　to　hers。　　The　shadow　that；　to　her　fancy；　had　always　rested　there　seemed　to　have　departed。　　A　light　had　come　to　them。

〃There　are　more　important　things　than　saving　men's　bodies。　　You　think　that；　don't　you？〃　he　asked。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered。　　〃I　won't　try　to　hold　you　back；　dear；　if　you　think　you　can　do　that。〃

He　caught　her　hands　and　held　them。

〃I　wanted　to　be　a　coward；〃　he　said；　〃to　keep　out　of　the　fight。　　I　thought　of　the　shame；　of　the　petty　persecutionsthat　even　you　might　despise　me。　　But　I　couldn't。　　I　was　always　seeing　His　face　before　me　with　His　beautiful　tender　eyes；　and　the　blood　drops　on　His　brow。　　It　is　He　alone　can　save　the　world。　　It　is　perishing　for　want　of　love；　and　by　a　little　suffering　I　might　be　able　to　help　Him。　　And　then　one　nightI　suppose　it　was　a　piece　of　driftwood　there　rose　up　out　of　the　sea　a　little　cross　that　seemed　to　call　to　me　to　stretch　out　my　hand　and　grasp　it；　and　gird　it　to　my　side。〃

He　had　risen。　　〃Don't　you　see；〃　he　said。　　〃It　is　only　by　suffering　that　one　can　help　Him。　　It　is　the　sword　that　He　has　chosenby　which　one　day　He　will　conquer　the　world。　　And　this　is　such　a　splendid　opportunity　to　fight　for　Him。　　It　would　be　like　deserting　Him　on　the　eve　of　a　great　battle。〃

She　looked　into　his　eager；　hopeful　eyes。　　Yes；　it　had　always　been　soit　always　would　be；　to　the　end。　　Not　priests　and　prophets；　but　ever　that　little　scattered　band　of　glad　sufferers　for　H